A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ill try keep this short. Ive caught my Gf of almost 3 years, in contact with another guy. This is the 2nd time. The 1st time was just over a year ago. Both of them work colleagues. Nothing physical happened in both instances. I had been watching her for over a month because she did certain things that made me suspicious, the same things she did the first time, hiding her phone,c onstantly on MSN etc. So last Friday night im at her place and her phone rings, she looks who it is and ends the call, without even answering the call, she also deleted her call history immediately afterward. I then ask who was it that called, she tells me she didnt recognise the number, so its probably a wrong number. That to me did not make sense,how would know you its a wrong number, if you didnt answer the phone? So i then didnt say anything. The next day i saw her, she went to shower and left her phone in her bag. i found it and went through her messages. Earlier that week she had sent me a sexy picture message of herself she had taken after she had had her hair done at the salon, it was a face shot, she also sent it to this guy. That really pissed me off. When she got out the shower, i confronted her, about the phone call and the messages. She told me they're just friends. If so, why have i never heard of him, or why has she never mentioned him? Why did she not answer the phone? Why is she sending him a pic of herself? Afterward she admitted the phone calls,the messages, msn chatting etc. I then told her it was over and gave her back the marriage promise ring she had bought me last year. I got up and said im leaving, she then started crying, telling me not to leave her. She kept crying and begging me not to leave her, and trying to pull me back. At that moment her 3 year old daughter came walking in and she to started crying ,asking us to stop fighting. Im very close with her, i love her, she doesnt have a father, he doesnt believe shes his child, they've never seen each other. I looked at her, kissed her and walked out, that really made me sad. My gf still begged me not to leave. But i did.Its been 5 days since then.Ive not seen them. I feel bad for leaving the little girl, i cant get that image of her crying out of my head. So my question is, should i give my gf another chance?I really miss both of them, she has tried contacting me,asking me to come back, i told her id really have to think about it.Please help...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Dump her. If she sent him a sexy pic of herself they aren't just friends, and if this is the second time (that you know of) then it won't be the last, especially if you forgive her again. Sorry man but she's gotta go
A
female
reader, LittleMissy  +, writes (16 April 2011):
She said their just friends, so maybe they are. Maybe she's so secretive because she knows you don't trust her and you would make an issue about it. Give her a bit of space, seriously if she want to chea shed let you walk out of her life I'm sure.
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A
female
reader, prodigal0x +, writes (15 April 2011):
i understand it must be really hard for you if you have a fatherly sort of bond with her little girl, but we all have to make sacrifices sometimes; you were pretty certain that your girlfriend was up to something suspicious and now that you're missing her, you shouldn't let that take over your mind. you let go for a reason, try and think about how you felt at the time when you left. Missing her and her kid isn't a good enough reason to drop it all and go back, soldier on without them for a while longer and see how you feel. i hope things get better for you.
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (15 April 2011):
dude. no more chances. she didnt get the message the first time what makes you think she'll get it this time. it seems like she's just keeping you around to help with her child. not only that if you go back then your going to be the one admitting to doing something "wrong" and she's going to play the guilt card on you. find someone who is HONEST and doesnt lie about things like this. because if she's lying about stuff like that who knows what else she's lying about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): There is no smoke without a fire, there is a reason baby's dad doesnt believe he is a father, so may be u dont know everything of her history. Whether u should stay its tough call - obviously she is looking around while with you - take ur chances - if she doesnt meet anyone better than u she will stick around, I have girlfriends myself who are in relationships for "security" purpose but always keep their eyes open. Looks like she is one of those types, Let us know what u decided...
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A
female
reader, sylvie111 +, writes (15 April 2011):
i always ask myself who iam when im in a relationship? do i like myself? do i like What im becomimg or how im acting?. im i equalY VALUED and does my soul have peace around the person i love?. emotions are such a mixed bag and relationships are never black or white BUT Trust is, and without it, obsession clouds thoughts. relationships should be based on honesty and openness and when it gets to the stage im checking my partners phone, a reavaluation is needed. you deserve to be loved for who you are and your GF can not do that if her affections ARE exctend elsewhere (again).please acknolwege that your GF wee girl was upset due to you guys being upset which was the direct result of your GF infadelity, letting go is never easy (its a process that in time shall pass). staying true to you may hit its low points at time, but please ask yourself what you want and deserve from love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): If she isn't cheating yet then she probably will be cheating soon. I'm sorry but you need to break it off with her. She has forced your hand. You must respond with some kind of real negative consequences for her now or else she will not respect your rights and keep contacting others. No verbal warnings or "talking about it" will help, she must respect you to make it stop. She will respect you if you demand it by showing that you don't need her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Heartbreaking as it might be, you did the right thing. She chose to take a gamble with your love and the relationship. She was not even grateful that you gave her a second chance. Instead, she selfishly abused that gift, and continued to play you for a fool. The question of whether or not you should take her back is really one you should ask yourself. Are you prepared for round three in a year or so? Can you take the deceit, emotional cheating, and sneakiness? How about the constant mistrust that is bound to crop up as a result from all of this? Is it something you are ready to take on, and if so forgive if she abuses this trust again? Word to the wise..If you do decide to take her back, the moment you do, you are in essence telling her you forgive her of everything from the past and from that point forward the slate is wiped clean. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (15 April 2011):
Lookie here brother, I am tempted to tell you to forget about her, that you were right to walk out on her because of this debacle. To cut to the chase, you are right. You DO NOT deserve this type of treatment. However, I am also all for giving people a another chance (yes, I know you already did that). But let's assume that perhaps you were not clear with her the first time around. IF...IF you decide to give her another chance then you two MUST have a very serious and straightforward discussion about the events that have taken place, your feelings for each other, and the reasons that have driven her to seek companionship/attention/love elsewhere. You know your GF so you should be able to tell when she is being truthful with you and when she is feeding you a line of crap. If not, this involves really paying attention to her when you know she is being honest with you and when she is not. You should notice a different in her voice and body language. That aside, this discussion should involve NO distractions and should last much longer than 5 minutes. First of all, you need to make her comfortable so she will talk to you; it won't be a comfortable discussion most likely so you need to try to put her at ease. This involves maintaining control of your emotions and you should also ask her to do the same. Ask her why this happened. Let her go through her spill and take note of anything unclear then go after clarity in these points. You need to understand what has happened and she owes you the explanation, indeed. Further, she owes it to herself to resolve this issue in some form or fashion. The "why" should give you insight as to what problems there are in your relationship (yes there are problems or this would not have happened in the first place). After you have some shot at understanding, perhaps you should tell her how you really and truly feel about her. Now is no time for the hang-ups men have about straight display of affection. TELL her how you feel about her. If you are going to give her another chance, further tell her that you will do so. If she agrees that is great. However, you need to hold her accountable from here on out. She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that if she resorts to any funny business again she is GONE-ZO, OUT THE DOOR, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200.She is the one who has screwed up here so if she truly loves you and wants to be with you then she needs to do WHATEVER it takes to prove this to you. Also, another condition of you accepting her back: this other guy needs to disappear. She needs to severe ALL ties and communication with him, up to and including finding another job to get away from him. If he continues to try to contact her then I would give him one chance to cease and desist all attempts at contact. Anything else, well, perhaps he might need a little "push..." Keep in mind here, all of this is if you want to give her another chance. If you don't wish to give her another chance then, from here, you need to give yourself time before you get involved with anyone else. I promise, as you decompress from this relationship you will realize much about yourself, both good and bad, but both equally important. Good luck, mate.
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