A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. my girlfriend and i met a year and a half ago and weve just recently moved in together. Its both our first place on our own. A month after we moved in we had a house warming party. after a night of drinking i woke up to find my girlfriend having sex with two of my friends in the living room. They didnt see me and i was so shocked i just went back to our room and didnt say anything..its been3 months now since it happened and i cant get the thought out of my head. im heart broken that she would do that to me but i cant help being turned on from hearing my friends pass her back and forth... what do i do? i cant take it that she cheated but i cant get the thought out of my head. it turns me on and i dont understand.anyone with any ideas?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Those guys (X and Y) have no respect for you.
I cannot understand why she has not had the honesty to admit what happened? Are you afraid to confront her?
It probably looked like a scene from a porn film and an unknown side of you may enjoy watching. (Voyerism) it is a common afflection of guys who watch a lot of porn.
I think you disengaged from being her boyfriend and her being your girlfriend.
And you did nothing to stop the sex continuing.
So the longer you have left it the harder it has been to raise it.
At least agree that X and Y are never welcome in your home again.
if you do now raise this matter she may think that you are intentionally picking a fight as a prelude to breaking up.
or she may question why you did not say anything on the day you saw her having sex with X and Y.
or she may think X and Y were boasting and that you have only just been told - and in that instance she may try to lie her way out of it.
I think it is time you and your girlfriend had some big talks about what you regard as Trust issues and your attitudes to infidelity in a relationship.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 December 2011):
 You saw her having sex, and so far after 3months you've said nothing? Why not?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 December 2011):
I have a hard time believing this post is legit. The situation and your reaction to it seems off and unbelievable, basically like some poor porn movie premise where people end up having group sex.
If I'm wrong and it is true you have self respect issues and you should cut contact with your 2 'friends', kick that worthless gf out of your life and get counseling.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): It's not unusual for men to get turned on at the idea or sight of their woman sleeping with someone else. It's something deep in our evolution that makes us want to have sex with her VERY much as soon as we know some other man did.
It's not that we are happy that she cheated. Far from it. But nature is saying to our sex drive "Quick, you need to screw her yourself and maybe your sperm will have a chance to outrun the other guys sperm!"
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 December 2011):
 Get new friends. And a new girlfriend too, I mean...to do that sort of thing behind your back is not on the level.
Look, being turned on is one of the things that will happen if you are to some extent emotionally detached from your girlfriend (which I am guessing is the case here). Seeign sex turns people on. The conflict, of course, is that you can't get over the fact that you've been cheated on either.
If you really can't take it, wake up, smell the coffee (or, in the canadian context, maybe maple syrup?) and end this before it consumes you.
If you're able to accept an open relationship with her (doesn't seem to be your cup of tea, though) then go ahead and start a new life of what an aunt on here calls "advanced sexual practices".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): This post made me feel sick in the stomach, that you are willing to go back to bed and not confront them just shows that you are desperate to keep a g/f who cheats and so called friends committing one of the biggest deal breakers to you as a friend by stomping over your respect defies disbelief. Your g/f not only doesnt respect you but she allowed two men to have sex with her at same time so therefore she has no respect for herself and her body? Ok she was drinking was she under the influence of any other drugs? is she aware of her actions? You need to confront her about this! Not only for your sake but hers aswell.Dont keep silent any longer. Please speakup because this will fester and end up eating you up inside out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): I think something is wrong with all of you. Your friends for abusing you, your gf for cheating on you and abusing you, and you for not caring and for apparently being more interested in the fact that you're turned on by the whole thing. If this is a genuine story I do think you need to be more assertive and not let people walk all over you this way. Clearly you're upset since you said you can't take it. Otherwise you must be a very non jealous person who is a saint and who has perfect control of your anger and your other emotional reactions. Either that or you're just not a confrontational person. Either way you need to ditch all of these people from your life for good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): Ok, first off, you need to SERIOUSLY ditch all three of these horrendous people you let in under your roof. If you absolutely need them in your life, they would make excellent supervillains. Secondly, You seem to be a very passive man, which makes people think its alright to take advantage of you. I`m sure you`re a great guy. You deserve much more than what you`re taking. Besides there`s nothing more unattractive than a lack of self worth. Lastly, its just a penis dude. It has no standards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): You should have left her front that moment, although she was under the influence of alcohol, your friends and her have no respect for you whatsoever...you need to confront her and let her know that you saw her doing your friends, i personally don't think it is healthy to stay with her,beacuse most chances you never know if she is continuing to sleep around
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (14 December 2011):
I believe this is not serious. If it is you need to tell her what you now know about her. If that is her character then I dont think its the last time she does it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): Have you got a lot of 'friends'? You have got to sort out which feeling is the strongest. If its heartbreak then leave. If its a turn on then have more parties. I dont think she would be as willing to share you with her friends though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): You may as well tell her. You need to find out whether she would be willing to do the same with you watching. If not, it is the cheating that turns her on and not the being sexually used. If thats the case your relationship/set up wont work as you might not find out about it. If she is willing to let you watch or participate then have fun and good luck with it.
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 I agree with the first post. This post is hard to see as genuine because it's hard to believe anyone could have such low self esteem as this man here.Your girlfriend has no respect for you or the relationship and this is why she cheated in your own apartment, with you only a couple doors down.Your "friends" have no respect for you what so ever so they poked your girlfriend behind your back, in you your own house. (Bet they act like nothing happened, huh?)You have no respect for yourself which is why you coward away in the other room. You should acknowledge your inability to stand up and demand better from yourself, your "friends" and your girlfriend. You get from life what you tolerate. And obviously you have some pretty low standards. I would get these people out of my life and seek counseling, not for what happened but for your self esteem issues...Still turned on?...(*shakes head*)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 December 2011):
 I'm with the three who preceded me..... WHAT kind of "friends" and "girlfriend" ARE these people?????
Are you content to resign yourself to being your G/F's patsy???? Or, if you check between your legs, will you see the remnants of some testicles????? How quickly can you tell her that "all bets are off????".... and find a way to extricate yourself from this situation????
Good luck (you're going to need it).....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): You have bad friends. Your girlfriend is worse. As you get off on it you may as well tell her. You can both have what you want out of it now. You are a cuckold and she is whats termed a slutwife.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Wow, had that been me, her back would be packed and she woudl be out the apartment and out of my life.
Most people get turned on when they watch sex, why do you think porn is such a huge industry?
What I don't get is why you didn't man up. And what kind of friends are they?
I have to say I think ChaliceODamnation is right, That you witnessed it and haven't confronted your GF says you are fine with it and don't care if she is faithful or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): have you confronted her about what you saw?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): I am having a hard time seeing this post as genuine.
Most men would be furious and would have ended it. When people cheat, it reveals their character. That you witnessed it and haven't confronted your GF says you are fine with it and don't care if she is faithful or not.
To you, its about getting off.
So what more is there to say?
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