A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloHere's my story. 2 years ago, my best friends sister asks me out. She is a year and a half older than I am. We begin dating and things are perfect. She has many close friends which are guys. There is one certain guy who she would hardly hang out with, but on occasion did. They were "just friends" although she previously dated him. Let's call him "david" We fell in love quickly and I trusted her fully, so I did not mind when she hung out with "david". She took my virginity and I took hers. She left for the summer and fights began to take over our relationship. After 4 months we had broken up.In the year following I had several partners (7) but did not have intercourse with any, although oppurtunity did come. She began to date "david". As she dated him, we would keep in touch, and talk on msn on occasion. I told her I missed her and still loved her but she would never say anything back. Nearly a year passed and we began talking again. She was still with "david" but when he would be out of town she would want to see me. We would talk and nothing more. Not even talk about us. She soon told me that they had broken up because he wanted a break, and she didnt think it would help anything. We began to hang out a lot. She would tell me how much she missed me and how much she knew I was the right one for her. "well why wouldnt say you missed me when I'd say it to you?" "Why would it take you a year to realize?" She said that she had convinced herself that "david" was a good enough decision. We begin to date and Start telling details of our past. I tell her mine and she tells me hers. She says she did have sex with him, and this bothers me very much. But I get over it.Now i'm here. 6 months into our new relationship. I become obsessive with this issue and find out they had sex nearly 30 times. I become absolutely disgusted by this. She tells me she didnt even like him, she wasnt attracted to him, she didnt want to have sex with him, there was no passion, and that I am still the only one to give her an orgasm. This makes me think, then why did you do it? What kind of person does this? Has sex with someone because their partner wants them to? She doesnt seem to understand my issue. She likes to talk about future plans. A life together, but I dont know if I can do that.. How can I marry someone who's had sex with someone else when I Havent? How can I believe her explanation for doing it, when she's done it nearly 30 times? I can't get these images outta my head..and Why would it take you a year to realize im the one? Please give me some answers. None of that 'past is the past'. 'Get over it'. Its not that easy.. Please and thank you so much
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a break, best friend, fell in love, her ex, msn, orgasm, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, elitzabeth  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Are you on some kind of competition with your gf? She had more sex and I had none?!!? That sounds very childlish and it seem that you are compare it to you. What if you did have sex with other girls?? would that be OK?? then, you guys were on a break, and she was with one man, in a relationship that obviously did not work. What is it to you what she did with him or not, that is not your bussiness; what is important is that she did not do it while being in a relationship with you. YOU DATED 7 different women, you were really having a blast. Love is not about the sex, it is more than that...If you think that you love her and she loves you back, then forget your MACHO-testosteron filled type of feelings and move on with the realtionship, if she is not the one,, then cut her off... But let go what may become a great realtionship for some stupid thinking a comparison. ... What is it to you?? HER SEX LIFE IS HERS NOT YOURS, YOU DON'T OWN HER, GET OVER YOURSELF.......
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 I understand that you dont' want a post that will simply tell you what do to but won't help you with your distress. However, I think you do need to be told that the past is in the past, and that you can either get over it or leave.
Personally, I would get over it. Maybe this is because I'm much older, but people who date each other will eventually have sex, and there's nothing wrong about it. Maybe you don't like it, but that doesn't make it wrong.
I understand your feelings, but I also believe that you must do what reason demands.
Many men have problems like yours. I recommend that you have a look at this excellent post:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
You will see here how other men also battle with these feelings, and how and why they chose NOT to leave.
I don't find fault with this girl. She told you she had had sex with him. How many times she did seems irrelevant to me. In fact, the whole sex thing seems irrelevant to me. I would rather count my blessings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): You have every right to be upset she lied to you and you probly feel like she cheated even though she did not cause you were not even dating at the time. So let me give you some advice you ethier axcept this fact and move forward with the relationship or if you can't than don't and leave cause if you can't get over it and you stay it will only make things worse. You will drive yourself crazy with jelousy over a guy see dose not talk to anymore. And it will not be healthy for ethier one of you to keep living in the past. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, yeahsureyoubetcha +, writes (25 March 2008):
 If you want to be with her you need to forget about who she has had sex with. She didn't cheat on you. The fact that she had a relationship with someone else that involved sex is a fact. How many times is moot. Either you accept it or you break up over it. It sounds like your feelings about sex and hers are very different. Can you accept that about her? That she likes sex more than you, or that she will have it in a relationship that isn't with you.
Either you accept her as she is and what she has done or you break up with her. your choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is causing a lot of hurt for both myself and her.. I don't see myself getting over it any time soon.. Do I break up with her? Or stick it out and hope it goes away, not knowing when more pain will come upon us?
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