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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This time last year my grandmother died and it is mothers day weekend as everyone knows and my mum is working all day today and tomorrow. My boyfriend knows how upset i am, i was crying yesterday because I am just feeling quite lonely. At Christmas time I asked my boyfriend to come to a family meal (not on christmas day it was a few days later)and he said yes I will but i dont want to eat, well this just infuriated me I sent him home and I told my mum because I was so angry (i probably shouldnt have told her) anyways, my mum doesnt want me going to his for family meals because he has refused to come to mine (well not refused but I can tell he just doesnt want to) and to be honest i dont want to either!Now this weekend my mums working 7am-8pm all weekend and he slept over last night but said hes going home (he lives 5mins away)for the weekend for mothers day! now dont get me wrong i understand he has to see his mum but i just feel lonely i want to spend the day with him as i do work 5 days a week, he just texted me asking to go for a meal at his family's house and I know its been like 3 months but i feel that it is all about him and his family.He said he doenst come to my family meals because my mother doesnt invite him but i asked him to come and i thought he was really rude and his dad has made comments to me saying he wont poison me. If he doesnt want food with my family then I am not with his, it seems childish but I just cant help the way i feelI just thought that knowing I am on my own today and I am feeling this way that he would have made the day for me, I understand he has to see his mum for mothers day but thats not until tomorrow, I am overreacting to the two problems?
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female
reader, CANDY61  +, writes (18 March 2012):
Why not spend mother's day with boyfriend and his mum since your mum working long hours the whole weekend? They can listen to you talk about your grandmun since it's mother's day which could help you in missing your grandmum.
Hope you'll be alright
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 I agree with the others. I do think you're over reacting. Your post does indeed make you sound childish and needy. It's very sad that your grandmother died, but others are just as sad about her passing as you are and they seem to be getting on with it.
I don't really think this is just about spending the anniversary of your grandmother's death with you, or even Christmas dinner. Why would you be so furious about him not wanting to eat? That could have been handled a whole lot better.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 My Nan died two weeks ago. When I heard, I was on my own. I had to get on with things by myself for a whole weekend until my boyfriend was free to come and see me.
In the real world people cannot just drop everything just because one person is in need of attention.
It sounds like your BF and his Mum already had plans prior to you asking him to spend the day with you. As this is a special weekend, she gets first pick on his time. It seems your BF gave you an option of going to spend the day with him, but you turned him down.
Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go in life, but Mothers are there for you always, thru thick and thin to pick up the pieces.
I have lost all my Grandparents in the last 2 years. One by a very very horrible death thru pancreatic cancer. Yes it is horrible, and it makes me sad, and I miss him terribly all the time, but you have to get on with your life. You need to MOVE ON. Focus on the future, not the past.
Your age range says you are 22-25, so you are no longer a child. Adults have to pull themselves together and carry on with their lives.
If you continue the way you are going, all you will do is end up even more lonely because you will have pushed away all the people who do care. Sometimes you need to stop thinking about yourself - think about your mum in all this! It is Mothers day.... and she no longer HAS a Mother. She has to work. She cannot spend time wallowing. How do you think she feels about all this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): What are you planning on doing for your own mother on mother's day? She lost her mother a year ago and it is HER day, not yours. She has to work! Why not make her a special dinner when she gets home and let her talk about your Grandmother while you listen and be there for her. Your boyfriend didn't even know her!! Why the fixation on what your boyfriend's NOT doing for you? Your boyfriend's intentions are in the right place but yours appear very self motivated. I'm not saying you are a bad person but you don't seem to consider other people outside of what they can do for you.
Maybe you can learn from your boyfriend to put others first without thinking it's taking something from you. It's mother's day weekend and you are not a mother so the focus is not on you as it shouldn't be. What are you going to do to appreciate the mother you have? What can you do for your boyfriend to help him get ready for his weekend away to see his mother?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 March 2012):
 I'm sorry I think you are overreacting. I'm sorry that your Grandma died but I do not see why he shouldn't spend this 1 day papering HIS mom.
I understand you want company because you still feel the loss, but I think you are being unfair.
Why not do something that will make you remember your grandma in a good way? Go to her gravestone and place some flowers, and think on what she meant to you. CELEBRATE the WOMAN/MOTHER she was instead of wallowing in the loss.
I lost my Mom a years and 1/2 ago and I miss her like crazy. Because I live across the Atlantic, I have ordered her favorite flowers and my Dad will place them in a spot that she would appreciate if she was still alive.
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (17 March 2012):
I'm confused here! Did you ask him to come to a family meal at Christmas or did your mother ask you to ask him? Because I can understand he wants an invite from your mother. Also he may not like eating in front of people he doesn't know (I know I don't).
I don't see why he couldn't spend today with you though (but maybe that's what his family do, make a weekend out of it?)
To be fair, he did invite you to spend time with him and his family, on mother's day, which I think is quite nice really. (Maybe even his family suggested it know the timing of mother's day and you bereavement anniversary?)
I think maybe your are being overly sensitive (due to the timing/reminder of your Grandmother?) Maybe next time he is at yours and a family meal is on offer, your mother could ask him personally?
Someone has to back down or it will just continue... Did you actually even ask him why he said he would come to yours but not eat? Maybe he was eating at a family members earlier or later (that he had committed to before you asked)??
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (17 March 2012):
You appear to be hanging on to the fact that your grandmother died last year and that is why your emotional. Is this your mothers mother? Because if it is, she appears to be dealing with it and is working all weekend! I am sorry to sound so harsh but you do come across as needy and rather childish. I have lost 5 people since xmas, I am single, I don't have a man to lean on, we just have to get on with life unfortunately!
I think you should give your boyfriend a break and stop being so hard on him. He may have a phobia for all you know about getting in front of people he isnt too familiar with, but you appear far to wrapped up in your own self pity to thing of anyone elses feelings. I don't normally write harsh replies but I seriously think you have an issue and need to address it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): You said you'd be doing the same with your mum if she wasn't working... But because she is you're taking it out on him. I agree with the other posters - your post came across as childish and wanting reassurance, but I'm afraid I cannot give you it.
However, I would suggest going to your bfs since you've been invited - turning him down because of a grudge doesn't do anything for you. Instead of dwelling on the past, get on with your future. After all, its just cos you don't want to be allowed...right?
That way, you're being the bigger person, pleasing your bf and pleasing yourself cos you won't be alone
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 March 2012):
 He's doing everything right here, he wants to be there for his mom, but he wants you to be there too. You're acting immature by holding a grudge against him for not wanting to eat for months now and punishing him for behaving well just because of that grudge. Maybe there was a reason for not wanting to eat there, maybe he's a germaphobe or something else or maybe he'd already eaten. Either way, you have to learn to let it go. He is not doing anything wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): I'm not sure what to make of this, I would probably go to his house and just spend some time with him and his mom since he invited you. However you need to discuss with him why he won't eat at your house, do he and your family get along? Why would his father say that to you about poisoning you?
You don't want a situation where your bf doesn't get along with your family or vice versa. So put your hurt feelings aside and discuss this. Go out and do something fun on your own or with friends today. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe post was nothing to do with him spending mothers day with his mum id be doing the same if my mum wasnt working
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female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (17 March 2012):
 I have to agree with the top poster you do seem to have some sort of issues that need to be sorted. Im not sure if you are aware but you come across as really childish in your post. Its like your feeling sorry for yourself and just want the aunts here to reassure you and say your boyfriend is in the wrong. Im sorry hun but mothers day IS MOTHERS DAY! He has every right to spend it with his mum. Give him a break.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit has nothing to do with him being with his mother on mothers day, that is tomorrow! i have been upset coz this time last year my grandomother died and i have been really emotional because my mum is working all weekend! and if he felt uncomfortable tell me dont say he will go but not eat i think that is a bit rude
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): I am not sure if you are right to force him into spending mothers day with you even though you are feeling lonely and down. He does have his own mother and she must come first on this day. If you don't want to be alone you may have to suck it up and have a meal at his house.
When I was around your age I had many boyfriends. Some would want to be invited for a meal with the family others would run a mile thinking it was all too close and that that things might be moving along too quickly. I myself hated to go for a meal at any of the boyfriends houses, I disliked the smell of the houses, the in jokes that the family members had and could never eat the food. I only liked it if it was a meal with it being just the two of us. Even now I am uncomfortable in other people's houses and sometimes cannot force the food down, tea, coffee fine but not food. We are all different and I don't think your boyfriend was being rude it is just something he is not comfortable with. With me it is something also to do with the time it all takes, how it drags on and how quickly you can escape to be doing something you actually want to be doing.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2012):
 Besides the family issues there must be other things that are bothering you about his behavior. I am not to sure what it means when he doesn't want to eat. Does he not like your food or is he showing disrespect for your family? Before you could hear his explanation you got angry and that stopped all efforts in trying to understand each other. As young people we try our best to bridge the gaps between family. I think you have to lower your expectations about the role your boyfriend is playing and not to force him to do anything he doesn't like, and find out what he does like in order to include your family into his circle, so he doesn't feel like you and your family members are teaming up against theirs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): Jeez the poor guy cant do right for doing wrong......so what if he didnt want to eat at your family meal?? Maybe he had already eaten, maybe he didnt feel too well, maybe he wasnt comfortable eating in front of other people I dunno whatever but to send him home and then for your mum to tell you that you cant eat with him and his family is PATHETIC. Im sorry but its true. I dont think I have ever read something so childish and absurd from a person your age in my life. And as for him spending mothers day with his mother .......erm HELLO? Its MOTHERS DAY! Give the guy a break! Its not his fault your mums at work all day. And he even invited you to spend the day with him and his family but even thats not good enough.
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