A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a committed relationship since 1 year and 5 months. its a ldr.recently i visited my bf.we had lots of fun and even sex.but during sex his p***s was not so erect.i don't know whats the reason behind it.after i came back i checked my bf's google history in his account as i know his password.i saw that he searches for nude images.these were the keywords he wrotetight hot ass,shaved pussy,sexy item girls,height of nudity.i am shocked as i told him not to watch porn pics and when i asked him he said he didn't knew that i don't like it.he watches porn every 5 days, still i tried to adjust with it,but to watch pics is bad.is it fair to watch these things being committed? we both love each other like mad.but then why this?is this the reason for not having so good sex??
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female
reader, Tarawr  +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Dear, I watch porn all the time, and I'm a woman. It has nothing to do with how well your partner is. It's just that sometimes you want to get the job done yourself. I don't believe watching porn is cheating, as long as you don't actually know anyone in said porn. But, to each his own. If you have a problem with it, try to talk to him about it. It's not like he's trying to look for a partner, though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhere's my problem.it affects my sexual life.i guess he watches a lot,therefore we don't have phone sex neither he talks anything sexy with me.
moreover day before yesterday he was asking the pic of my va***a.
he just needs pic or what?
and finally i got so frustated i just said that i want to live a single life.
he didn't replied at all.
i guess he's not so much into me.moreover at the time of sex he was asking do u need more or shall we stop?
he couldn't satisfy the way i wanted.as soon as he stopped he told quickly to wear dress.
didn't even looked at me.what is this happening???
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A
female
reader, Catflap1  +, writes (10 December 2010):
By the way Aunt Honesty says that looking at rude pictures is normal at any stage of life for men but I do personally find it creepy when older men look at young girls when they have daughters the same age. As you can see it is all very personal and we all have very different ideas about what is OK and what is not.
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A
female
reader, Catflap1 +, writes (10 December 2010):
You have found something that upsets you and need to tell him that. Whether or not he responds is his decision but keep a firm hold on how you feel and don’t compromise once you have worked it out.
You are young and this is one of those moments when you are finding something that may be a condition when selecting a partner in the future. Write it on the list in your mind. Men are different and some do this never (perhaps) sometimes, often, or all the time. You need to decide what you can cope with on those levels and check that out when you decide who will be your partner.
I once knew a funny, kind man who I later found out paid prostitutes for sex while he was married! Trust me to find an extreme example! That made me finish with him straight away even though I liked him otherwise. He was also very fond of me. I just could not get over the feeling that paying someone to pretend to want to have sex with you (even if they are convincing) is a lie and revolting.
On the other hand some people think that watching porn etc is like watching a football match. You may enjoy it but it does not mean that you want to join the team! This can be a very hard thing to think about for us females because it undermines confidence and causes reasonable fears about addiction.
Men who use it too much can become lousy lovers because they start to need that kind of stimulation. Normal lusty love between two people means needing to respond to another person, become skilful in their pleasure, finding that the most exciting thing ever. Not being selfish.
Too much pressure on us women and we are losing out in this society that promotes instant gratification and young girls thinking they must compete with porn and rude pictures!
People in strong, mature relationships know about the other person and accept. With youngsters, looking at rude pics in secret is normal while they are finding out about life.
Some couples share porn etc sometimes which I think is fine when they are both happy about it; it is secret behaviour that spoils relationships later on.
These things will appear and give you a lot to think about but you have time to work out what you need from life so explore and listen to your inner thoughts as you go.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (10 December 2010):
 "i am shocked as i told him not to watch porn pics "
Well, there's your first problem. You told him, you didn't ask, you didn't try to understand, you made a demand. This tells him, "What you want doesn't matter, only what I want matters to us." This doesn't just apply to porn, even if that's the topic here.
Anyway, you have the right to set ground rules for people who want to be with you, so if this is a deal breaker for you, then dump him. He will not stop, regardless of what you say or do.
Many people have no issue with this, just as many people have a major issue with it. For many guys porn or pornographic images are simply a masturbation tool. It's nothing against you or your sex life. It doesn't mean he wants to cheat with these women. He simply is using them to help get himself off.
If he masturbates too much, that could cause him to go soft like you mentioned. Does he satisfy you when you want? Does he turn to porn instead of you when you're willing? These are the questions that will let us know if there is a deeper problem here.
Check out these:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/admit-it-guys-youre-fantasizing-about-the-girls.html
(Particularly k_c100's answer on that one)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 The pictures arent the reason why he wasnt completely erect, there could be plenty of reasons for this including, he may have been nervous about having sex with you, this can happen quite a lot of men so dont blame yourself or assume that he doesnt find you attractive because am sure that is not the case.
As for the pictures, first off what led you to go through his private stuff? That is an invasion of privacy and its not fair on him, you shouldnt be checking up on him, do you have trust issues with him?
Ok guys looking at naked pictures are completely normal at any age and it has nothing to do with you or how attractive you are, its just something that men do to pass the time, dont tell him not to do it, but be honest with him and tell him the true reasons that you dont like him looking at these things. Maybe you could get involved with the porn and the both of you could watch it. If it is not your thing then ask him not to look at it when you are around.
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