A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm in a long term relationship at the moment, and I'm very happy, we live together, the ususal stuff. However the other day at home I was on the net on my boyfriends laptop- we do share them as his is faster than mine and mine breaks easily. Anyway. I went to the history to pick up a page I was on previously, but I noticed my boyfriend has been looking at at LEAST 20 pics of this girl, from his native country (he moved to the UK). It might sound normal, but this girl posts pics of herself that are half nude etc. Also I went further back, and he looks at her profile EVERYDAY. I don't do this to anyone on facebook... so it got me worried.I don't know if she lives in the UK or in his country, but I did notice she has a boyfriend so I don't know what is going on. I could have logged in as him but I didn't, the thing is I trust him and didn't want to go through his things like that.I guess what I'm asking is.. am I being stupid? Should I just overlook this or without arousing suspicion ask questions about it? Ugh I just wish I'd picked up my own crappy laptop so I never found this, as it's eating me up. I just thought I'd add something, we have been going out for 1 and a half years, living together for about 9 months. We have talked about engagement but he keeps putting it off, and isn't receptive to it. I just think surely you would want to get enegaged at this point if you had been happily living together for this amount of time? Is this just me being paranoid again..? Thanks for reading everyone, I know it sounds crazy but these little things start eating away at you..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Your boyfriend is not only acting inappropriately, but he's also horrible at covering his tracks. You should confront him about it, but don't make it sound as if you were snooping through his stuff. A lot of people hate that.
In any case, his behavior is unacceptable and should be addressed for sure.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Thanks K_C for prompting me to add to my thoughts on this. I'm one of the old-fashioned types that don't actually think you should live with someone unless you intend to do so for a long long time. Moving in too early is also a problem because you don't know each other well enough. Courtship happens because people need time to get to know each other. You can't tell within a few weeks or months if the other person is really your best match. It takes some time for all the varied facets of someone to emerge. It's easy to be "perfect" in the early days but eventually the mask slips, and the real you starts peeping out. The real you who has bad habits and undesirable traits and foibles that could be a problem if they develop into something more pathologic.
The key is that once all the ugly things are exposed, you then can determine if you can tolerate and even embrace those ugly things. Because I'll say this, more stuff emerges as time goes by and you HAVE to have trust and respect in your partner, otherwise you have built on a foundation of sand. Not good.
I'd reconsider living together until you have reached a decision as to the long-term viability of your relationship. Intercultural relationships are very very difficult as well, due to unwritten expectations and beliefs. It's hard enough to bridge the male-female communication divide. It's really tough when the cultures you come from have differing gender role standards.
Lecture over. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the input everyone. I still feel the same, I don't like it and don't belive that he is purely looking a the dog & pet pics. Everyday? No. At first I was like 'phew' but then reading the comments I thought yeah, doesn't explain daily stalking.
I'm going to monitor it closely, see where this goes. I don't know if it's like 18+ magazines and guys just like looking at topless chicks- I mean she's posted it on FB I would prob have a look too, doesn't mean I'm not still going to check and bring it up if it happens again.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 December 2010):
 I will come to the Facebook thing in a minute. But first, to address the issues in your last paragraph:
1. Yes you have been living together for a while, but you moved in together VERY fast so in the grand scheme of things, to be together only one and half years is not long at all. So he is right not to want to engaged yet, it would be rushing into it and not a good idea.
2. Is he the same age as you? If so - you are both very young to be getting married so I am not surprised he does not want to get married yet, there is plenty of time for that when you have been together much longer and have matured a bit more.
And back to facebook - no his behaviour is not normal or acceptable. To check on someone's profile daily is not a good sign, especially when she is posting naked pics of herself.
Now looking at porn of random unknown females is ok, most men do this, but to look at friends (especially from your home town/country) naked is taking it one step too far. That would indicate to me that he has some further interest in her as more than friends to be so obsessed with checking her profile daily. There is obviously something that interests him about her (the naked pics would be the obvious one) and keeps him coming back to her profile, so it shows he has an unhealthy interest in her when he is supposed to be in a relationship.
I think you need to explain how you stumbled upon this (it was a genuine mistake rather than deliberate) and that you are not comfortable with his behviour. See if he can explain himself and what he has to say!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): he is so playing u .who can really look at nude pics bcoz of a dog wake up and smell the coffee,he is hiding something
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2010):
 This guy is lying his head off! Tisha's right! You look once, maybe twice, and then it's over with. He's looking at her profile every day, at 20+ pictures and some are half nude. Is the dog in every picture he's looking at??
Also, he picks this random girl out of nowhere because of her dog breed?? Sorry, but this lie is one of the more lame ones I've heard, and if you choose to believe it, it's because you want to be in denial.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 December 2010):
Thanks for the followup, I guess my only comment then is to keep an eye on things. You don't look at someone's account EVERYDAY just to look at the dog's pics. You look once and then done, I think. But you know your guy, and I think tackling it and asking the question is the best strategy, so well done!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, please disgregard the question- I managed to get to the bottom of it myself, by asking questions that led to it. Turns out she has a dog the same breed as ours and he was looking at the pics.. now I feel like an idiot!
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