A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a boyfriend we have been together for 2 and a half years hes and have recently hit some problems and we broke up for about a month, but after some talking we got back together. But yesterday he got annoyed at me for something and I felt really bad for it so I appologised. Then he said to me "You need to understand, you cant tell me what to do, your not the boss of me, Im the boss of you!" I dont know what to think of this.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Honestly, I would ask him to explain that.
But I agree with auntie Bim Bim... if he thinks he is the boss of you, I'd hand my resignation in too.
A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Mostly female answerers to this one, as you would expect, but why waste your time and emotions on this moron, OP. Relationships are about love and mutual respect and not "bossing" - unless you like to play Dom/sub games, which is a different matter altogether.
Does he know where the door is?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 A boss / employee relationship belongs to the workplace , not to a love relationship. There can't be no bosses in the couple, only equal partners with equal rights : he says he's the boss ? Prove him wrong. Give him 8 days notice and quit your " job".
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (7 May 2012):
 This might be a good time to remind him that the "Boss - Subordinate" relationship is a corporate construct. At home, you may want to consider a more sensible approach, like accepting that it is a situation requiring a more egalitarian outlook.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Not even in a marriage is someone the boss of someone else. A marriage is a team of equal partners working together.
This guy, in declaring that he's the boss of you, basically just said that he owns you. If you're okay with being his property, then by all means, stay with him.
However, this should offend you and incite you to drop him from your life.
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male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (7 May 2012):
 I think in a relationship there are some things one partner is in charge of and some things the other partner is in charge of. its just that some people are better at some things than others. it has to work in the interests of both parties. I think as part of the natural course of things men do tend to take charge but then you've also got to let the woman have her way. we don't always agree about everything so when disagreement occurs there has to be compensations for going against your will. the whole relationship is a negotiation and it looks like you've got some negotiating to do.
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female
reader, sexystar +, writes (7 May 2012):
 oh no, thats really bad im currently living a similiar situation where my boyfriend says there is just one captain in the boat and i should follow him…he says he lead it cannot be 2 leaders in the relationship and he is the man, got to the point where he tells me to do something like regarding my own body and he wants to decide those things too…This type of guys are the "run as fast as you can" im currently looking for a new place to leave cause they dont change they need to be in charge and that would not be a problem if it was reasonable things….but it wont be reasonable i guarantee you that… wish you luck!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 May 2012):
 What you should do depends on whether you believe women should be subordinate to men or whether they should be equal. If you're OK being with a man who believes men should control women and have authority over them, then by all means stay. Otherwise, I think you know the answer.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 You don't know what to think of this? It's pretty obvious isn't it?
If you enjoy the thought of being a subordinate, lorded over by a man then this is fantastic. You have a match made in heaven.
If, on the other hand, you want a partner in life, a companion and a lover, then I should think you'd be less than thrilled and might want to re-evaluate this relationship.
Personally, I'd send him packing.
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female
reader, Lostcause  +, writes (7 May 2012):
I wouldn't date soemone who bosses me around... so if he says that be careful
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (7 May 2012):
 He is your boss? Do you want him to be your boss? What sort of payment will you get if he is your boss? Are you happy with those conditions?
If not, hand in your resignation.
Seriously, did you both discuss the reason for the breakup, and after your month of talking were you both on the same page about how you see the relationship progressing?
If the relationship is worth saving (ie he is not a total prat) seek counselling to help you both get to a point where you are able to communicate, if he wont go, you go by yourself, so you will be better equipped to decide the best way to deal with this situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2012): O wow you should get out while u can! He's crazy to say that you can do better!
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A
male
reader, Dataluke +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Domination and submission can be fun and indeed can form the bases of some relationships.
But to say that he is the boss of you, and can tell you what to do but you can't say anything to him? I'm not an expert but that sounds suppressive and to an extent abusive. You both need to be able to say things to each other openly and honestly without fear. If one person starts dictating what the other can or cannot do then it's no longer a partnership, hell I wouldn't call it a relationship.
I don't know what problems you had before hand but if they were anything to do with this then I would highly recommend you end this now, for good. It will do you no good to stay with him just to be ordered about by him and not receive any love from him.
All the best, Dataluke
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (7 May 2012):
 RUN. FLEE. HEAD FOR THE HILLS.
That's a huge red flag.
Kick him to the curb.
This fellow has the potential for being abusive. If you aren't sure - here's a checklist of "RED FLAGS" for men who have the potential to become abusive and threatening... and if I am out of line hear - you won't see any other "warning symptoms" on this list...
http://www.familyshelterservice.org/what-is-abuse/assess-your-situation/
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 May 2012):
 There has been some arguments about boundaries of what he should do or not do within a relationship? Do you think it is the same problem that made you break up last time? I have no problems with being a submissive woman but the man has to be lovingly dominant, not domineering or demeaning. If you can't be yourself, or if he could not resolve issues without blowing up then the relationship would not work out.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 May 2012):
 "Whoa. Let's talk about what you just said. What do you mean by that, precisely?"
If he really thinks he's your 'boss,' you have a choice. You can either accept your position as his employee, or you can think and choose and act for yourself, and leave.
Me? I'd leave.
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