A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im a 26 year old british asian female, my 31 year old bf is a white american male. We have been together for a few months and recently he expressed a desire to have kids one day in the future. Of course this is great! I would love children with him.however, I also know that he is a bit of a racist, and doesn't like various racial groups. So I asked him if having kids with me would really be a good thing, as he doesn't like coloured people. His reply was that although it 'might muddy his bloodline' that its something that he can 'overlook' because even though Im not white, I'm still 'exceptional'. Help me out here guys? WHat does this even mean? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I agree with Cindy about collusion between the perpetrator and the victim. Perfect example!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): OP, good for you for deciding and realizing its best not to have kids with this jerk. But since you've decided to stay with him that means you're sacrificing the chance to have children. Its one thing to not want kids yourself. Its something else entirely to actually want them but sacrifice having them for the sake of the relationship. I suppose a solution if you're insistent on staying with him is to adopt white children. But somehow something tells me this guy will not accept any child not born of his superior loins nor accept being childless since he's so hung up about his precious bloodline. I suspect that he will break up with you because he had a need to reproduce himself.
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male
reader, KillMe  +, writes (8 April 2012):
Your boyfriend doesn't like colored people? Is he from the past? :))
But really..
My sister's boyfriend is British, admittedly he's a bit racist as well. But NOT that racist to the point that it would smudge all over his "oh so precious" bloodline when merged to the colored ones.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Wouldn't it be great if she dumped him telling him the truth about why as well?
"We are breaking up. I find it below me to date a man who thinks our future children would be mongrels. I might be an "exception" to you, but you are not even meeting my basics standards for a partner."
Of course though, that would be a bold move. And I'd probably break it off in a more subtle way:
"We have to break up. We have a difference in outlooks on life that are just not compatible. I think it would be best if we go our separate ways."
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 A little flaw ? If he had kids from you , he'd think of them as inadequate, sub-standard MONGRELS, and that's a little flaw ?
What is a BIG flaw, in your opinion ?
Interesting. Another demonstration that there's often a collusion between victim and perpetrator.
Same as there would be no more domestic abuse if women would just press charges at the very first instance, so racists would go exctinct in time if women like you had enough pride to NOT reward bigotry and contempt by their love, approval and devotion.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 April 2012):
What a ridiculous statement.
Poster, your boyfriend is a racist. You make the decision; is a racist someone you want to be the father of your children? To teach them right from wrong and about morals and so on? If you agree with his views, that your entire racial background is "muddy" (you being the only exception), then sure.. Go ahead. Reproduce. And lets hope he never has to meet the in-laws. And lets hope you wont try to bring with abroad to visit other cultures, or to teach your children about other cultures. And lets hope your children never make friends with someone from the "wrong" race. Lets hope YOU don't make friends with someone from the wrong race. Or he'll get up in your face about that too I presume.
You could always to some testing of the waters before you jump in. Bring a coloured friend over for dinner and check his response. Or talk to him about living in a non-white area. See his reaction.
Me personally... would probably work out a strategy to leave him with as little drama as possible. Any man I want children with should be happy and not calling it "muddying out his waters".
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (7 April 2012):
'Little flaw'? I thought racism is an absolute deal-breaker!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): You actually would give this man the privilege of seeing you naked? You are a mug.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 I understand why you are staying OP but I am glad that you see this is a self-limmiting relationship....
when you are ready you will move on to a man that actually deserves you.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 April 2012):
It means he is an idiot.
Denmark is the oldest monarchy in Europe, they go back to the year 1000, and if anybody should worry about "bloodlines " should be them. In 1994 Crown Prince Joachim of Denmark married a British/Chinese girl and nobody bat a lid. You would be good enough for a Royal family... and you are not good enough for some American redneck ???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Hello All. OP here. Thank you all for taking the time to give me some advice. I wasn't really sure if he was complimenting me, or insulting me...which is why I turned to this site (as well as asking friends).Apart from this little flaw, he really is a great man; smart, creative and loyal. However, after much thought, I think it might be best if I don't have children with him. I don't ever want them to feel less because they don't measure up to his standards. As for our relationship, I don't want to leave him. I know, I know, a lot of you said run, but I don't want to break up with him just yet. If this relationship is going to end, it will do eventually.
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female
reader, Anongrace +, writes (7 April 2012):
What are you still doing with him? I mean come on, your self esteem cannot be that low. Unless of course this question is a joke. He's poisonous and the last thing any psychologically stable woman would do is have a child with someone with an outlook on life, like him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): oh how generous of him, that His Highness is willing to make an exception for you lowly people of a different ethnicity from him and be willing to sacrifice the purity of his bloodline. (being sarcastic here in case it's not obvious.)seriously. if you and him have kids together, it's only a matter of time that he will feel contemptuous of them and disdain them and then he will blame you for 'muddying his bloodline.' He clearly sees children as objects to represent his virility and not as people too.overlooking something can only last for so long. it's not a long term solution. it's too bad that the very thing he feels he has to overlook is not something you can change (nor should you have to even if you could).you should dump His Highness and move on. You don't need to muddy YOUR bloodline with a$$hole DNA.
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (7 April 2012):
This means he's a f****** racist and needs to be shown the door as soon as possible. Don't ever have children with a man who doesn't respect you and is a bigot. Have some pride, girl!
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female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (7 April 2012):
 PLEASE RUN RUN RUN.
I'm glad you are asking such a question because obviously his comment touched something in your head, and I think your logic is throwing red flags up, one after another and another, but I'm sure since you like the guy something in your heart wants to close your eyes on that. Please don't. This is not how a man is supposed to look at the woman he wants to marry and have a family with.
Please RUN away from this kind of hate and intolerance. We are all human, made of the same blood. Just because his blood says that he has blonde hair blue eyes and yours dark eyes, dark hair, doesn't mean that your blood is different. we are all the same.
His attitude toward people of other races is unacceptable. Intolerance of our differences destroys us, because it promotes hate. It's an awful situation to be near. Please RUN.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Good god almighty, what's this studmuffin's day job, running around with a pillowcase on his head and burning crosses??
First of all, please please PLEASE do not think all Americans are like that. This guy is a brown stain on the underwear of Uncle Sam!
Seriously, why are you dating him? If you even start typing the reply "Well, other than this, he's nice, kind, loving, good to me, etc", SAVE YOUR FINGERS. If he's nice to you but considers all races that aren't white to be inferior to his "bloodline", HE IS NOT NICE.
You should be churning in utter revulsion over this guy. The thought of him touching you again should make you want to puke. The thought of listening to the sludge coming out of the sewer he calls his mouth should cause you to don a yellow biohazard suit, knee high boots, and run out of the disaster zone which is his very presence.
No good person even thinks that way! Someone who is loving, honorable, good, and humble deserves you. Not this asshat.
Please don't spend another day with him.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (7 April 2012):
 I question your mental state that you think dating a bigot is okay.
Do you honestly think this will end well for you? Because you're deluding yourself if you think it will.
DTMFA.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 I Am Here to Help You Said it Perfectly:
Any man who wants children with the woman he loves would NEVER suggest that they'd contaminate his bloodline because they are of mixed ethnicity!
By the way, I met one man - whose national origin I will not mention, to protect the guilty - who married a black woman and complained the children were black. He left that woman for someone else... another black girl. Everyone at the office thought he should be impaled (you know, impaled?). And the poor kids had to live knowing their own father thought they were not "good".
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): your bf doesn't see you as an equal because of your race. If he saw you as equal and accepted you as you are, he wouldn't feel the need to "overlook" anything. overlooking something means that you acknowledge it's actually undesirable but you're making a compromise.
another thing is he says he can overlook your race because you're "exceptional." make no mistake, this is NOT a compliment. It is a put-down, an insult. He is saying that in spite of your apparent inferiority, you're surprisingly somehow OK enough for him. What will he think of your parents and the rest of your family? will he think they are 'exceptional' too and be willing to 'overlook' their skin color? will he shun them?
You would not tolerate this attitude and treatment from complete strangers, so why would you allow it from a boyfriend and even consider him marriage material??
if he's that concerned about muddying his superior bloodline then he needs to go find someone just as bigoted as he is.
everyone here is right. you need to run far away from this guy.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2012):
 EVEN if he was "just hoking" that is just out of line. He means that you are inferior in your gene pool and that his is superior. Hence the mud. Your genes would "stain" his "lily white" genes.
He is a DOUCHE LORD.
He thinks he is better then everyone else (unless they like him are 100% white) He is also an IGNORANT mother fudger! Since we all share common ancestors way back when, doesn't matter if you believe in creation or evolution - we ALL comes from the same stock.
What a super duper disgusting piece of crap man!
Leave his dumb ass. Don't mud your LIFE with a man who is SUP-PAR!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 April 2012):
it means you would have children with a man who would raise then to hate their grandparents...
he's a racist and a bigot... and that is what he will teach his kids...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Hmmmm you know him well, unlike all of us here. Calm down for a moment and think deeply and neatly. First do you think there is a chance this might had been a sick joke? Did he say something like this to you or to someone else before in seriousness?
If you are sure he actually meant that then you have a double, possibly multiple responsibilities here; responsibility for your own life and future, and responsibility for the life and future of potential kid or more. A father with this mentality is very unlikely to raise up a child in a healthy way, and contributes positively to building the personality of his child. Secondly there is you. You are taking a chronological decision which does not affect only the present, but many significant aspects of the future of your life, marrying this man or not.
If it's a joke then you should talk to him seriously, tell him this kind of jokes is disturbed, and show him this question here, and all the answers. Regardless of the fact that he wouldn't like at all what people think of this, despite being justified, the sheer idea that you posted this, and that this thread exists because of him, would make him think 'a lot' before considering this sort of jokes fun again. Stupid fun can be punished but forgiven, because, after all, the subject was no meant, and the intention element is missing.
In the event he actually meant it, the refer to the part above regarding future, children...etc.
Think, check your facts, make up your mind, make a decision, and stick to it for good unless else occurred.
I hope that was helpful.
Regards,
Zee
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): OMG!! Why are you even with this person let alone even considering having kids with him that he has to "overlook" the color of their skin?
I'm asian, my husband is caucasian. He does not care about color or race. But his parents do, but they at least have the decency to try to hide it when I'm around.
Do NOT , I repeat, do NOT have kids with your current boyfriend. It will not turn out well. He is not the right guy for you, and you are not the right woman for him. Repeat: you are not the right woman for him. He needs to be with a white woman because it is obvious that he cannot accept the idea of producing non-white children.
He may consciously keep his racism under control enough to appreciate you. For now. But it's going to be totally different with his children. A lot of people may not see their spouse an extension of themselves but they see children as extensions of themselves, that's why they have children in the first place. it's not called "reproducing" for no reason. Thus he may accept being in a relationship with you despite the color of your skin (for now, I wouldn't hold my breath about the future once the initial honeymoon phase wears off) but he sees children as far more significant of who he is as a person because of this "bloodline" thing. Men who are so hung up about their precious "bloodline" have serious issues. Huge red flag.
You can't change who he is. His racism and bigotry is just part of who he is. You need to end this relationship. The only solution for him is to be with someone of his race because that's so important to him.
you need to end this relationship now because it's not going to be pretty if you marry him and try to have kids with him.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 April 2012):
 At first I thought this was some kind of a joke. No jokes should ever be made about a race, with a significant other. I don't even guess which state he is from. There is a reason why he is with you, which is to feel superior over you, so that you will cook nice food for him, do laundry for him, and do every sexual favor for him because this is what asian women are for. You are exceptional because no other woman would put up with this. Get out of this relationship now! His statement should make anyone fall out of love.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 April 2012):
 It means that you are sufficiently desperate to have a baby that you will cast good sense to the side and allow this fool to imseminate you....
How many ways can you hear people say that this is not a very smart idea, before you come to your senses and change course?
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female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (6 April 2012):
 That's messed up he sounds like some rich bigot loser who sleeps with his second cousin to keep his blood line "pure". We live in a sick world I'd leave him he doesn't seem to bright and educated.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 April 2012):
 No..no and NO!! OMG...get out of this relationship! Don't even consider having a child with this man! Please don't think so little of yourself that you could accept his bigoted, racist line of thinking!!! Your post just really burned me up! And I can say this because I have been dating a Japanese man for 10 years. We are both in our late 40's now so having a child is out of the question, but we have both sighed and said how very much we would have loved to have had a child together if things had been different..how cute it would be to be of mixed race, ect...Oh honey..you deserve SO MUCH BETTER! Think what he might say to you if you married him, had kids and he got angry?? Can you imagine the names he might use??? Tell him to get out, and don't let the door hit him in his pompous ass as he walks out!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 April 2012):
 Why would you want to have children, or even be with, a bigot? You don't want to be with someone who thinks they're doing you a favor by being with you.
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