A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm probably overthinking this but is it too soon to be going on holiday with my boyfriend when we have only just (last few months) got back together after being apart for about two years? Last week it was my birthday and as a gift my boyfriend booked a last minute deal to go to Egypt this coming October. He refuses to tell me how much this trip has cost and keeps telling me to just relax and enjoy the holiday when it comes around.Normally I would be relaxed and I wouldn't be worrying at all but it's the fact we have only just got back together that is bothering me. It's been like a fresh relationship, and this seems a little bit too fast for my liking.We broke up because we had been falling out more and more and it seemed the right thing to do. It was no one's fault. We have both had other relationships since but we recently got back in touch and started seeing each other in May. We have grown up a lot and I know that we are stronger this time around. I just worry that I'm are pushing it by allowing him to spend so much money on me so soon. I'd love to go on holiday with him, but I want to pay my own way. He keeps telling me that he is my boyfriend so it's his job to pay for me but I don't want a relationship like that. A few people have said he probably wasn't thinking how I would react and that he probably regret's it now, not asking me first.I want this relationship to work but how can it if he is willing to throw down that much money without asking me if I want to go actually go, or without allowing me to pay me my own way. Help!
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 August 2014):
 Are you sure that you even want this relationship to move so fast so soon? Do you even *want* to go to Egypt?
I understand that you want to pay for yourself, I would too. If he pays for you, you will, in a way, feel obligated to him, even though I'm sure he has no intentions of making you feel that way, but you'll constantly be thinking, "damn, look at all that he's doing for me".
Are you sure this is the best way to start off a new relationship? You should ease yourself into things, not go too fast and end up regretting things all over again.
If you're having second guesses about the trip and/or the relationship, then please dont go. It's better to not go now that go and have an unpleasant holiday where you're constantly thinking things over. I think you should have the "talk" with him before you leave than do it over your holiday and ruin the mood. If you dont feel confident, its never too late to cancel.
If you still think that going is the best option, suggest that you go some place closer where you will pay for your share so that you don't feel guilty about having all that money spent on you. That way you can both have a trip, maybe talk things out and you don't have all that pressure on you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): Let him pay, he wants to please you. You are overthinking this by much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): I really think you should just go for it... I totally understand why you want to take things slowly, but insisting on paying would probably end up causing more problems. Your boyfriend obviously really cares about you and is really trying to show it... and you guys wouldn't have got back together unless you really cared for each other. If you want to be with him, stop worrying about the 'rules' and just go with it and have a fun time with him
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 August 2014):
 I would not worry that much in your place, chance are that he did not spend much . Trips to Egypt come for a pittance nowadays, you get bargains and sales all the time. The tourist industry, due to the recent political and social developments in the last two years or so, has taken a nosedive and struggles to get back on its feet, and being, that it used to be such a big source of revenue for Egypt and that so many work places in the hospitality industry have gone lost, I am not saying that Egyptians would pay YOU to go there , but almost.
Anyway, it's simple though. It was a mistake in good faith in the wake of the enthusiasm for your reunion. Just tell him that you do not share his views about what's the " job " of a boyfriend, so next time he plans an outing or a vacation for you, either he asks you first if you'd like to go and, in the affirmative, lets you pay your way- or simply you are not leaving and he is going to lose his money. Foretold is forewarned.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 Put the costs aside for a moment and just ask yourself,"Do I want to rekindle this relationship?" If yes, then throw caution to the wind and go and have a great time. If,on the other hand,o, then tell him, thanks but you don't have any desire to even see Egypt so he should take someone else. Here's hopingfor the best for you(Do nOT think in terms of $$$...it'll ruin your life).
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (8 August 2014):
 His intentions were obviously good, he probably wanted to create a little surprise for you and it didn't go as planned.
I think in this instance he isn't thinking about the money, he is just thinking about the memories that you and him might make together on this trip to Egypt, even though it would of been much more practical to ask you first.
I am exactly the same as you, I hate having large amounts of money spent on me and I would even have a problem for someone taking me out for a meal and me not paying for my meal, but at the end of the day, money isn't the problem, it doesn't matter and if wanted to spend it on you and him going away he has obviously done it so you can enjoy something together.
I think the bigger issue is the fact that you think you and him may be moving to fast, and if you are willing to go on holiday with him then go ahead, but maybe while you are there you should talk to him, tell him you want to slow things down a little and even though you appreciate what he has done for you, in the future he should ask.
Also if you are that bothered about the whole money situation, simply mention to him you are going to pay him back when you have the money, he will probably do the whole "oh no don't be silly", don't put up an argument and when the time comes just insist he takes the money, I do it all the time when people won't let me pay them back, and I always win ;) Good Luck, and have a lovely holiday x
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