A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,I'm hoping that someone can help me make sense and see things from an outside of the box perspective. I don't really have anyone to discuss these issues with an feel so alone trying to find a solution. Here goes..I met this guy online about 3 weeks ago now and we have been talking non-stop whether that's via email/ text or phone. We get long so so well and have had been on 3 dates so far. I kissed him on the 3rd date to see if I get that feeling in which i did. I am quite a reserved character so it all seems to be going really quickly.We are both of the same religion and caste which is very important to both of us and he seems to keep referring to spending the future together. On our 2nd date I told him that I was very religious and this has freaked him out. He says he isn't and is not sure if he can be with someone who believes in God rather than science. I gave him an ultimatum as to whether he accepts me fully in order to continue this and he says he doesnt know. He says its too soon to make a decision about that but to be truthful i dont want to waste anyones time. Now im sooo confused. Do I continue dating him as that is what he has requested- he wants to see if this develops etc or do i just cut my losses early on as I haven't quite made the attachment yet? I also said if we are dating i dont really kiss and am physical until there is solid partnership to which he was like "we'll see"- it seemed really cocky and the fact that he believes he can get some from me. I have no idea what to do....is he just a player/ idiot? i cant work him out and its driving me insane... please help shed some light...
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 If your religion is very important to you which it is then perhaps this guy really isn't for you. Especially since he has a bit of an attitude which is understandable after the few weeks you've been friendly. It would be better to move on now than to let things go further and/or carry things out and then decide that you are either too involved and find it hard to move on or just need to due to things not working out. Better now than later on. Good luck.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 I love the term player/idiot, had not heard that one before but it sounds applicable in this case. Run for the hills young lass. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, PrincessRiches +, writes (8 August 2014):
 Well my husband doesn't believe in the same religion as me. I am a Spiritualist, and he doesn't believe in life after death. It doesn't matter who you fall in love with, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.
He shouldn't care that you believe in God over science. If he liked you, he would accept that. It's not like your asking anyone to change their own beliefs...you just want him to accept yours.
If he can't, then he isn't the right guy for you.
You are right, he did seem cocky, and hoping to get his way.
He sounds like a prick, tbh.
Don't have anyone disrespect your faith, because that is disrespecting YOU.
I'd end things now, and find someone who either shares your beliefs or is more accepting of those who do have religious faith. You need to find someone who will treat you right, regardless of religion.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 I don't know if he is a player iddiot, but to same extent yes he is bullshitting you. You sai that you belong to the same religion and caste and that this is important to both of you.
Caste IS a religious thing, it comes from a religious foundation, the social meaning is secundary to that. How could somebody who is not religious ( .. an agnostic, an atheist ) yet believe in a sustem of castes and find it important ?...
What he means, between the lines, is that he wants a nice same religion ( I suppose hindu ) girl, whom although he can convince to misbehave sexually.
You can give him the benefit of doubt , hang in there a bit,and see wht happens ,... but I am pretty sure that when he realizes that you MEAN what you say ( .. if you really mean it ) , i.e. that for quite a while he would be dating without even making out with you, you'll see him vanish like snow under the sun.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 I'd walk away now. He isn't going to automatically BE what you WANT him to be, for you.
If religion is THAT important to you, HE isn't it.
My guess is the "we'll see" is to keep you hoping and maybe get more physical...
On the other hand, it's been 3 weeks.. I don't blame him for not knowing if YOU are the one for him or not. You don't really know him, he really doesn't know you.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (8 August 2014):
 I don't think he is a player or an idiot, its obvious you too just have very different ways of life.
The battle of God VS Science, its a battle which has been going on for centuries and everyone seems to have a different opinion on it.
However you are both from the same religion and caste? So technically, shouldn't you both have the same kind of beliefs even though they may differ from one and other?
However it isn's even about religion at the end of it, its about accepting one and other, and that also means accepting eachother's life-styles and beliefs, which is something that every couple has to do.
I think first you need to ask yourself...do you think you could be in a relationship with someone who has different beliefs to yourself? Do you feel that you could love him even if he believed in something which you may see as wrong or different from what you believe in? If you could then okay. If you can't then of course this isn't going to work out for you.
You then of course need to talk to him, and ask him to accept you and your beliefs even if he may see them as different or wrong in some contexts, you also need to outline to him once more what you are and are not willing to do. If you don't believe in sex before marriage or anything like that you need to tell him that if he dates you that is the way its going to be. As if thats what you believe in then you have every right to carry on that way.
If he doesn't think he could live with that or understand it then it pretty obvious you too will not be able to be together, as you will both want entirely different things from one and other. However if he is willing to give it a try then why not go for it, after all nothing is set in stone and if it doesn't work out atleast you can say you gave it a go.
Good Luck x
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