A
female
age
30-35,
*c-dee
writes:Hi everyoneMy relationship dilemma is a common one to ask here but seeing as Im now in the situation myself Im finding it really difficult to give myself advice on this matter, my previous relationship (2 years) was one full of lies and cheating (on his part) and because of the love I had for him I stayed but met my now boyfriend (he was only a friend at this time) and he helped me to see the way I was being treated wasn't good and that I deserved better. I broke up with my ex and stayed friends with my soon to be boyfriend. He was an amazing friend and helped me through my feelings of low self esteem and I must say he is one of the people who have helped me to see how much I am worth!He was strong confident and fun to be around, but he also had his own problems, he found out that his long distance girlfriend was cheating on him with 8 other guys, he broke up with her and 2 months after he did this me and him developed strong feelings for each other (him more than me as I didn't want him to rush into a new relationship so soon) and we spent almost every day with each other, getting to know one another, spending time with his family etcI knew he wasn't completely over his ex, he had a laptop which still had her picture as his background and it caused some embarrassing moments for me and for him but I never saw him change it, he told me he still had feelings for her but he was ready to move on into the futureTo cut a long story short he went to our home country where she lived and where we all grew up and 3 days of being there he was attacked by one of the guys she had slept with and it caused a lot of drama, she came to his house all the time time begging for him to give her another chance but he always told me he turned her away, he called me everyday and acted completely normal, he was there for 6 weeksWhen he came back the first thing he did was to come to my house and give me a ring as a promise of always being together, things were fine between us but I had this nagging feeling he was withholding something from me, under pressure he told me of an experience where she had come to his room when he had just got out of the shower and had thrown herself at him crying and begging him, she tried to kiss him but he rejected and she tried again and he kissed her back and she tried to get him hard but nothing happened so he pushed her away. Another time when it was her birthday he allowed her to come into his brothers room in his bed TOGETHER to watch a movie as he felt sorry for her as she was being ridiculed and being blackmailed with a sex tape, he also told me of a time where she stripped for him but he took her homeHere is where it gets complex, he has a lot of pride and hates to be laughed at but thats exactly what his friends were doing, he wanting to make himself look good told his friends he slept with her and whilst he was there his friends took him to meet other girls over the last 4 weeks of his holiday so he could get it off his mind, he ended up kissing one of these girls and with the other girl he was in a bed with her making out with her and kissing her breasts, he lied about the last girl to me and it took him a month and a half after I discovered his cheating to open up to me and tell me the truth.At first he lied to me about who came on to who (he said they approached him and they knew he had a girlfriend) but after me talking to one of the girls who was clueless that he even had a girlfriend he admitted he pursued them and deceived them too and had even given them his number over here, he met up with the other girl before I knew of her to explain things to her and as she was now with his friend he saw no problem going to a barbecue with her and her cousin for an hour. The girl threatened me when she found out who I was and caused a lot of arguments ( I do not have any resentment for her because she was as much of a victim as I was) Because he tried to cover it up for a month and a half im at a loss at what to do, hes been doing everything in his power to make it up to me, his reason behind it all, he thought he would get away with it and he always knew he would be coming back to me, im also quite strong minded now she said he knew I would end it with him straight away, hes blocked off contact with all 3 girls and has made a lot of effort into making things better, he admitted to his family his shame and to mine too, however I cant get the image of him and these other girls out of my head, his friends are on good terms with these girls and I havent even met them yet due to me not travelling with him. Hes gone from being a strong confident person to being quite dependant on me, should I leave him and find better (even though he is the most loving and caring boyfriend I have ever had) or stay and try to forget?
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breasts, broke up, cousin, his ex, kissing, long distance, move on, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kc-dee +, writes (9 November 2010):
kc-dee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thank you both for replying to my question, its great for me to see both of your differing views, its helped me think of things in a different perspective
@moos mum - thats the answer I have received from my close friends, distance, but hes become quite dependant on being around me, I know I have to strike my foot down with him and have space for the benefit of myself, its hard but I'll definitely try, thankyou once again
@Joi - Yes it feels like a horror story, quite surreal and too much for me to process right now, he seemed to be devoted but with him knowing what I had been through and the promises he has made all broken its changed my view of him, actions speak louder than words so I'll sit back and watch for now if he is truely ready to move on, if he's not I truely know I deserve better
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Oh dear what a pickle! This is my suggestion for you. Have a little break from each other and tell him he needs to sort his head out before you will get back together. Distance will prove wether or not this relationship is meant to be. You will either miss each other like crazy and be desperate to be back together or it will not overly affect either of you at all to be apart.
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