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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is so, so cheap with me. Scenario: We don't usually ever go out to eat anymore. If we do, I'm the one who pays (he insists that I do) because he buys food for his apartment and shares it with me when I come over (even though he's really cheap with me at home too). Before we went out to breakfast, he mentioned something about taking me out to breakfast so I assumed he was treating me (hasn't treated me in months). We get there, stand in the line, after telling me what I can't and can choose (he is quite controlling but claims its for my own good) it's our turn to pay...He takes out his wallet but then looks at me, unsure, like "are you paying?" and I ask him "did you forget your card?" he looks at me like he did so I ended up paying for our expensive breakfast. I go to sit down at the table he got for us and apparently he did not leave his card, he just didn't want to pay. He's done this several times before. Now, he has a better paying job than I do, more hours and his apartment and car are paid off. I snap at him because I'm sick of him "tricking" me like this. Now he's not talking to me and giving me the silent treatment. I feel like I didn't do anything wrong, for pete's sake, I paid for his food didn't I? This happens so often (him doing something tactless, me saying something and him getting upset at me) that I just feel like I don't want to be with him anymore. I go back home to see he bought a 40 dollar video game for himself, yet he can't even take me out to eat? Am I in the wrong here? :( I feel like I'm not worth anything to him if he's so cheap like this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): I always believe that a relationship should always be equal in every witch way.
NO one person in the relationship should be putting in all the graft while the other person sits back & reaps the rewards.
I would NOT under any circumstances let my partner dictate to me what I could & could not order off of a menu if I was paying the bill!!
Did he perhaps pay for a lot at the start of the relationship & this is him perhaps expecting back what he put in?
Or
Is he just acting like a dick?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 He tells you WHAT you can order and YOU are paying? Why on Earth do you allow this?
And I agree, this guy is NOT a keeper. He is a USER.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 August 2012):
Ah sorry, OP. I didn't spot your follow-up. Well, if his behavior has developed into this within 2 years, it's safe to say he'll be even worse as time passes. Especially when he's not open to criticism it's nearly impossible for a person to change for the better. Also, since this happened in the span of your relationship, a good possibility is that this 'nice guy' you first hooked up with was just an act to woo you. Now that he's got you for the long term he doesn't feel like putting in the effort and shows his true colors. Dump him.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 August 2012):
I dated a guy who acted like treating me on an incream cone was like paying the rent for my apartment. I was done with him pretty quickly.
Your boyfriend is even worse. And he'll continue to get worse from now on. The fact he can't handle you talking back to him shows that. He's the kind of guy who is used to everyone yielding to his wishes and needs and if you don't do this he'll just yell and become insufferably difficult. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Him being this age and having that attitude means it's become ingrained and you won't be able to change it.
So leave him. Today. Like everyone else said: you deserve better. There are so many good, caring guys out there it would be a shame to settle for this rotten apple.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I concur. If he was frugal all around with himself and you, I'd say that he needed a stern talking about the word "Dutch". However, he is extremely selfish. He is cheap with you and isn't fair. Not only that, but he is controlling if he's telling you what to order.
Get rid of him now, because it only gets worse.
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A
male
reader, mistermann  +, writes (28 August 2012):
One thing I can't stand is selfish folk, and you're boyfriend sounds extremely selfish to me.
I couldn't stand a girlfriend who treated me that way and sponged off me. If this was the only thing wrong in the relationship, I'd try and fix it. But if I received the immature silent treatment when I attempted to raise the issue, I'd have to call it quits and say goodbye.
You're worth more and you shouldn't have to battle to be treated right.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 August 2012):
 How quickly can you dump this guy and find a normal "boyfriend"????
Good luck...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): you need to sit down and have a stern talk with him, it is not very nice dating a person that is mean with his money, in the end you will resent him so much that you will not want to be with himi had a similar problem with my boyfriend and after talking to him about me always feeling awkward when out together he always offers to pay, its just nice for him to offer even if ur like no its ok its just to feel that when your out you wont worry whose payingif he cant afford to take you out he should tell you but from what you said he earns more so theres no good excuse for his behaviour. Like i told my boyfriend its not really about the money its just a nice feeling like he cares and wants to treat youso have a word with him, tell him its affecting the relationship and if he does say in future ohh lets go to dinner or breakfast tell him yeh sure aslong as your paying, i always say that so that he knows beforehand!
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (27 August 2012):
 On top of being controlling ("he does it for my own good" is a red flag) and a liar (lying to say he forgot his card) he cares only of himself. He gets whatever he wants for himself but you have to pay for things for both of you... You need to dump him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to add (guess its important) we've been together for about two years and 10 months. He wasn't always like this.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 August 2012):
 What a freeloader! Dump him! He sees you as a money provider, not a girlfriend.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 August 2012):
Dump him. He's just not ready for a committed relationship with anything but himself. You deserve better than this.
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