A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been having sex for the past 6 months and we are having problems in the bedroom. He has never had an orgasm, he still ejaculates but he doesn't orgasm. I didn't even know that they were two different things until I met him. He says that he's used to it and doesn't mind - he's had a few girlfriends before me and he says that it was all the same with them. And unless he's REALLY buried deep in the closet he's not in any way gay. I've had a few boyfriends and I can't say that i've ever had a problem with helping them reach their peak. Is there anything I can do or had anyone come across this before?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Well then the only thing you can do is go to the doctor, who will probably refer him to a psychologist. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno he doesn't and he doesn't often maturbate because of it. but he is definately not lacking any sex drive...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 October 2010):
Hi I know I wasn't the one to originally put the name on it, but I'm familiar with the problem, and it's not always (or even mostly) a problem with women, or a problem letting go. It's really the type of thing that he needs to go to a doctor for, and they will probably refer him to a therapist. Does he orgasm when he masturbates?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help everyone!
Thanks Cindy, i'm glad i know have a name i can stick to it. But i don't think its really a psycological problem as i've known him since we were kids and he's never been ambivalent around women and the only female that may have caused him to feel some negative feelings towards women would be his most recent ex who cheated on him - and he had this problem before her :(
"letting go" or a need to be be in control also aint an issue, he just goes with the flow and doesn't stress about anything - I envy him of that! And i've never found him to have issues or uneasiness with displays of affection or touching.
I guess I can only assume that its a dysfunction or that he just hasn't met the right lady yet. And its definatley not pre-cum - there is way too much of it and he's limp afterwards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Thanks Cindy! I learn something new here every day.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 October 2010):
I've heard of this before, he should go talk to a doctor about it to see if counseling would help, since I'd imagine it's a psychological holdup.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 No guys, unluckily there is something called anorgasmic ejaculation. It's a rather rare sexual disfuction, but it exists. Sperm is emitted without being associated with the typical muscle contractions and the pleasure sensation of orgasm.
He should consult an urologist to see if this disfunction is caused by some pathology or malformation, but most of the cases have a psychological cause. In general men suffering of this disfunction have an ambivalent attitude toward women and they suppressed feelings of rage of hostility in relationship with female figures in their life. They also have problems "letting go " in any area of their life, they feel a strong need for control also over their time , work , etc. , and they are uneasy with phisicality - touching, displays of affection, etc.
If physical causes can be excluded, generally this condition responds well to psychological treatment.
Also, it does not always start with the beginning of sexual activity- it can be a subsequent temporary condition brought on by excessive stress.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I once had five orgasms in the hands of a very skilled lady, only the last of which resulted in ejaculation - but boy was it a big one!
That is the reverse of your b/f, but like he other answerers here, I believe he did orgasm. Have you tried hand jobs and watching his reactions and/or quantity of ejaculate?
Why worry; you have plenty to experiment with!
Bart.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Your boyfriend may have unrealistic expectations about what orgasms are supposed to be like. This is a problem many women also have. Movies, pornography and even ads all depict orgasms as mind blowing experiences. Look at the actors; their faces are often contorted with 'pleasure', they may be hurling out a bloodcurdling scream, etc. Yet for most people, an orgasm can at best be described as reaching a climax and then a vague feeling of release. For a lot of people, especially women, the climax and subsequent release are so vague that they are nearly undetectable. Because of the way the media portrays orgasms, many women and some men complain that they have never had an orgasm when they actually have. Their orgasm just hasn't met their expectations.
That's not to say if you normally have mild orgasms you are incapable of having powerful ones. Powerful orgasms do exist. However, everything from your current age, mental and physiological states, your partner and the method you use to achieve orgasm will affect how your orgasm feels. It might take something extreme like a pool jet to get your boyfriend to ever experience a powerful orgasm. Or he might need to wait a decade. Who knows? But I believe he is currently experiencing orgasms and doesn't realize it.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 I'm not too sure what your perception of a mans orgasm is. If your boyfriend is ejaculating with you, there is no need to worry. A man ejaculates BECAUSE he has an orgasm.
Just as a woman has involuntary pelvic floor muscle contractions, among her many other muscular spasms, a man cannot control his ejaculation once it starts. And the ejaculation only starts once any man reaches a certain level of sexual arousal - an orgasm!
Your man is having orgasms even if he doesnt quite believe or understand it.
Maybe when he comes he is very quiet and just spurts, without screaming or shouting your name with immense pleasure.
Do a little online research with him, and set your mind at ease.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Umm, I never heard of this. To have a full ejaculation, I think all men have to orgasm. Anyone feel free to educate me if I'm wrong. Are you sure he's not just oozing pre-cum, or even faking? I guess you are seeing ejaculate, otherwise you wouldn't say he's ejaculating. I've had a considerable amount of pre-cum in the past, but not enough to confuse it with a full on "blast".
Now, I would imagine some guys have very weak orgasms, and may think they didn't. But I can only comment from my experience. I'm sure the aunts here have more expereince than me.
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