A
male
age
30-35,
*onfused1212
writes:Recently I started to like my friend's ex. The story is, before this I toltally blocked out any feelings for this girl because she was my friends ex. After giving in some thought and rethinking it, I actually saw a bright relationship with this person. Like seriously where on earth can I find someone wh enjoys eating rusk at the age of 20+ :P. This girl hangs out with me most of the days, it's like we are a pack of 6 close friends before I started to like her. So soon after I saw that I have feelings for this girl, I constantly started to text her and she would reply my text but she found it awkward and she told my friends that she thinks I like her which is true. One of my friend also told her that I have feelings for her. She told my friend, that we;re friends and things would get awkward if something goes wrong. I don't understand this, is she saying that we're friends so it wont work out or she is considering it but she's afraid if it does not work out. For the fast few days, I've stopped texting her constantly, should I be doing that. I cant get her off my head, I think I'm really in love with her,Not forgetting this important fact, she's a die hard music fan like for a girl she just listens to too much metal music and oldies. So I saw her interest on facebook and I posted some youtube videos based on that, and she told my friend that she thinks I posted the video after seeing her interest on facebook. Did I screw up there? Would she think that I'm stalking her or something ? :( Please help me, I just don't know what to do or how to get her to understand what I feel inside towards her.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 I see what your getting it, you don't want to press the issue. Good point...give it about another week, back off a bit, don't inquire so much info from her friends and brush it off when they volunteer it. Then when you have a chance let her know that you would like to talk to her about a subject..then tell you are definitely into her and you see you two having a great relationship if you were to get together. However, tell her you understand where she is coming from in weighing the options in the event if things were to turn sour it would be one awkward atmosphere for your clique. People would be caught in the middle, some remain neutral, or others would pick sides, a real mess. But do point out, she can't always ask what if, she won't know till she takes that risk. Life's full of risk there's not always a safe route. I can't tell whether she's into you or not, but that's something you can't play around with you have to ask directly.
A
male
reader, Confused1212 +, writes (11 October 2010):
Confused1212 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all the comments, but lets skip the rusk part. Unfortunately not most of you are, well forget it all my life I've never found anyone who shared that interest with me, so yeah I find it abit special :)
tennisstar88; I appreciate you're point of view. But let me ask you this, is it wise to inquiry as soon as possible ? this whole thing took place like two weeks plus minus. Should I give it more time ?
anonymous; Thank you. But the thing is I don't know if she likes me or not. Yet again, thanks :)
janniepeg; I don't know if you'd understand but yeah to me I find the rusk part extraordinarily special as I've never met anyone with the similar interest in my life so far except her. But hiding my feelings is exactly like lying to myself and I guess I won't get banished from the herd as the clique consist of my best friend and his girlfriend, another good friend and his girlfriend, her and myself.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 October 2010):
What in the world is rusk? Now don't play the he, she said game with your friends. Talk to the direct source, let her know you like her and ask her if she would be interested in getting together as boyfriend and girlfriend. By her saying it would be awkward between you two in the event of a break up means she's weighing the pros and cons. Due to the fact you guys are in the same clique. All you can do is inquire, but respect her answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): She might be holding off having an relationship cuz she doesn't want to ruin the friendship you and your friend group has if things don't work out. In a break up, your friends might take sides and things would indeed get awkward. It is too bad though that what is keeping you apart is that possible problem. Just give her a message or text spelling out your feelings; say that you want to have a relationship with her, and if she ever changes her mind, then you're there (unless you've found someone else, lol). If she's not said yes already, don't push it. That is hard to accept since you're in love with her and really interested in her, but maybe lay off on the constant texting and, while posting the youtube videos was a sweet thing to do, if her and her friends are seeing it as a creepy thing to do, really just back off and give her some space.
If anything, if you come off like you're not terribly interested anymore, she might respect you for giving her the space, and also, if it turns out she does like you, she might be drawn in by the fact that you don't seem as interested anymore!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 What does eating rusk have to do with a bright future with that person?
The problem is that it's a competition between two guys. When you get the girl you are the alpha male and your friend becomes the loser. Think about two elks locking their horns and one of them bleeding all over, and leaves defeatedly. The girl also doesn't want to look like a winning possession. It's a very yucky feeling. Some girls like to be won over but she's not like that. If you value your friendships you better not let your feelings get the best of you. She can understand what you are feeling but looks like she's not going to let that happen. There are many degrees of being in love with a person. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl then you should just keep your feelings inside. If you continue pressing this issue you risk being banished from the herd, because you are causing disharmony. I know, these 6 friends may not be your lifelong friends but my principle in life is to avoid unpleasant situations. You absolutely have the freedom to do whatever you want but I don't see it as a good idea.
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