A
female
age
51-59,
*8971
writes:I have been with my partner for 11 years, we have 2 children together. When i first meet my partner he had not long left his wife. Within a year i was pregant and he left me, we later go back together and have since had another planed child and lived togther for 8.5 years. I have now got to the point where I still love him and do you want to split up the family but as he will not diviorce his wife or make a will I feel he is putting us second and do not want to be with someone how has so little regard for his family. There where no children involved in his marrage, so its not like he want to provide for another family. What should I do.
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female
reader, F8971 +, writes (19 October 2010):
F8971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has to see 2 diffrent soilicitors, one for the will and 1 for the divorce. He has booked the appoitments and is going on thursday and friday this week.
thanks again for your help, and hopefully now things are moving it will not take to long to get sorted out.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Sorry to be a wet blanket, but how soon is soon, you may need to clarify this with him soon, you might see soon as within the next 30 days, he might seen soon as being anytime within the next 30 months. If you see no action soon (like maybe within the next two weeks he could start finding out the procedure and make appointments to see lawyers if thats how he wants to do it)I would ask him when "soon" will be.
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A
female
reader, F8971 +, writes (17 October 2010):
F8971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for your advice, we had a good chat and he is getting a divorce and putting a will in place. he has been told if he does not do this soon, I will leave and I think he knows i will stand by my word.
once again thank you for your time and input.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 You have to take legal advice on this one. It seems to me that your children deserve to have their financial needs met by their father and you should ensure that is taken care of, no matter what happens between you two.
I'd be worried about getting things in my name as well, if I were you, the home, the car, the possessions should have your name on them if you were financially a part of their purchase.
Clearly, something's wrong here, and rather than feeling helpless, go get some proper legal assistance that will ensure your rights are protected, and more importantly, your children do not suffer as a result of his lack of planning.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): He really needs to get off the fence and make a full commitment to you and the children. I cant imagine any good reason why he should still be married unless he has an emotional reason. And if he hasnt made a will any possessions he has, including property i imagine, go to his wife. Im just wondering if they made some kind of pact as it seems strange hes still married to her to this day and making no provision for you or his children. He could leave you in a horrendous position if the worst happened. If he wont give you a straight answer as to why hes holding onto his marriage certificate. Try and appeal to his common sense and have a will made. If he wont even do that for his children. I would definately do as suggested and start making your own arrangements for your familys future, because he doesnt sound fully committed to you all x
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Have you ever heard the expression "Actions speak louder than words."?
This entire time you've been looking for him to perform a specific action, which is to divorce his wife. Unfortunately, during all of this time you have ignored the biggest action he HAS performed: choosing his wife over you.
This hasn't been 6 months or even a year. This has been 11 years! He isn't going to change. He has manipulated you and taken advantage of you. Through his actions he has said to you "I will always choose my wife over you and our children.".
You need to stop letting him dictate what happens. You have to stop "asking" him. You need to tell him that he either leaves his wife and make you and your kids his #1 full time priority or he doesn't get to be a part of your family at all and cut off all contact with him. He won't choose you on his own, he's already proven that. The only chance you have is to force him.
Unfortunately I don't see him doing that.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (11 October 2010):
Sit him down, look him in the eye and ask him if he intends divorcing his wife and what arrangements he has made to care for you and the children if something should happen to him.
If you are not happy with his answer start planning for a future without him in it, start saving a little bit of money and put together an 'exit plan". When you feel you have somewhere to go and some way to get there then just leave, no backward glances no explanations, no apologies.
He has made his decisions when he refused to have consideration, now its time for you to make yours.
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