A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I broken up with my boyfriend. He's thing is that he thinks that I had sex with another guy Friday. He texted me and I didn't reply because I was mad with him. He refused my explanation and terminated the relationship. I really want him back. What should I do, how do I make him believe that didn't happen?Help ...
View related questions:
broke up, my ex, sex with another, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, v3ng3 +, writes (16 February 2011):
Would just walk away, if he dosnt trust you and breaks it off like that then not worth getting him back. He will probably just do it again.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (15 February 2011):
Hmmm, I agree with other posters here, there is a possibility he has cheated, though this is not certain. On the other hand, if the guy is prepared to break up with you on just a random suspicion, and not make more of an effort with you, how much do you think he values the relationship. Sounds more to me like there is some other reason that he wants to break up, and rather than tell you what it is, its easier for him to make it your fault by blaming you in some random accusation, and leaving. That way he doesn't have to give you the real reason. Until the guy is prepared to communicate, you can't go on in a relationship with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (15 February 2011):
I think he has very very bad experiences with other women in the past
While I do believe that he well change his mind
Because when people get angry they usually say things that don't really meen
But if you intend to continue this relation i believe you both need some counselling especially him to get over his insecurities
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): You know I actually think he's projecting his own infidelity onto you.
He went to Vegas and slept with some woman/women there and then he comes back all paranoid and says you're the one who has been unfaithful out of nowhere. I've actually seen that happen before and there's actually a psychological term for it too. Can't remember what it's called. But it's like a thief being very worried about people stealing his stuff because well he does it too he knows how easy it is.
I would bet my house that he slept with another woman in Vegas and is now trying to rationalize it internally by accusing you of it.
Love or not OP the guy is a fool. You're better off without him and you will find out that he's slept with someone else in Vegas.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): He is most likely attempting to deflect his own cheating. This is a very common strategy of cheaters, projecting their own misdeeds onto the person they betrayed. Keeping you in a state of confusion throws you off the scent..his accusations delve you into self analysis and blur your objectivity. Toss in a break up and he has the betrayed as the one giving reassurance and pleading for forgiveness. He reaps the pleasure of his misdeeds and he partitions the negative consequences off on you and removes them from his conscience.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I didn't write the whole story, it is basically a summary. I did talk to him and told him that I went to the mall with my daughter and didn't call him back because I was upset with him because he hadn't called me or texted me for about a week. I know that 4 of those days he was in Las Vegas and he didn't even call or text, nothing, so I was mad. When he came back, I let him know that I was upset because he didn't call and he said he'd been sick. So Friday, he texted me and I didn't respond I was upset and went to the mall and just ignored him. The next day, he said "it is over". I said I didn't want it to be over and that I wanted to see him so that we could talk about it. He said you can come over. So I went over to his house and told him the truth about Friday. He said that I had sex with somebody else because I didn't reply to him. I said why do you think that? He said because that's what all women do when they are upset at their boyfriends. Anyway, this didn't make any sense to me and he said he is not changing his mind.That's the story, I'm just here, not sure what will happen. I love him but I'm not sure about him.
...............................
A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (15 February 2011):
i think there are parts of this story werent told
i believe that he was jeallous from some of your activities and he reached to the point of suspecting any thing you do
and therefor he accused you of cheating..
any ways if this is the case
you need to give him his time because the more you persue him now the more he well run away
try after a week or two
to show him a solid proof that you didnt cheat
and talk with him about what made him jeallous from the very begining
if you both love each other dont leave him
love deserve some sacrafices
Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): He is either using this an excuse to break up with you (so he can see other women) or to take control of the relationship by having you beg him to take you back. Let him go and don't contact him again. He isn't worth it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): What did happen then? We can't tell you what to do unless you tell us the full story.
Did you go back another guys place and spend the night? Did a another guy end up staying in your place?
Why does your ex think you slept with another guy friday night?
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (15 February 2011):
This process is called manipulation. There are two examples here.
When he texts you and you don't reply, and he knows that he should hear back from you but you don't reply, and you don't reply to him knowing that it will worry him or anger him, you are withholding communication to hurt him, to affect him emotionally, because you were angry with him.
His response is a larger form of manipulation. He ends the relationship, which is to hurt you the most that he can, and it also causes you to run back to him. It is a way for him to control you.
Your manipulation is not the end of the world. Its not ideal, in that it provokes him to react emotionally, and it is hurtful, but on the other hand you are not obliged to be in constant contact 24/7. Your phone might have stopped working, you could have gone to sleep, there could be lots of reasons why you didn't reply to him.
However, his reaction to end the relationship is very manipulative and is unacceptable. If he decides to just end the relationship whenever it suits him, if he doesn't like something you do or is particularly angry, or wants to control you or maipulate you when you get angry, it leaves you without the ability to get angry with him, or contradict him, or basically do anything that you want that he doesn't like because he can threaten you with ending the relationship. Also, if he doesn't believe you and is prepared to end the relationship, how much does he trust you, and how much can you trust him. Can you trust him to stand by you and not just end the relationship when the going gets tough?
My advice would be to tell him the truth. Tell him that you didn't reply to his text because you were mad with him, and that you didn't have sex with another guy on Friday. Tell him that if he doesn't believe you, and he thinks you did have sex with another guy, you can tell him that its not true but that if he doesn't trust you then he probably should break up with you, because you need to be able to trust each other in a relationship. Then see what he says. He might take a day or two, but if the relationship means anything to him, he will come around. If he doesn't believe you or trust you, that's probably a sign that you shouldn't be with him. Be open to accepting him back, but stand your ground, you haven't done anything wrong and you don't have anything to apologise for. If he wants to break up with you, find someone else who will trust you and stand by you.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Firstly, if he doesn't trust you, you really don't want to be in that relationship.
Secondly, if you want him to understand the truth, walk up to him and say something along the lines of:
"Look, I never have and never would consider sheating on you. I didn't text you because you upset, so you need to get the conclusion you jumped to out of your head. If you want to talk to me, you know how to do it."
Then walk away, leave him stunned to think about it. There is no guarantee he will talk to you, or even believe you, but being firm and to the point is the best you can do. Hope for the best, and move on if it doesn't happen.
Best of luck 3
...............................
A
female
reader, LittleMissy +, writes (15 February 2011):
It sounds abit strange, why would he automatically assume that you were having sex with another guy If you didn't text him back. I mean wouldn't he try and call you? Or assume your busy or something?? Or have you done this before whilst having sex with another guy? I think there is abit more to the story and it would be hard to give any useful advice without knowing everything.
If I'm wrong and he did make the assumption due to you not texting back, with no reason to believe that, then why would you want to be with somebody who is that paranoid. If my boyfriend doesn't text me back then I guess that he's driving, busy, no credit, hasn't checked his phone etc and I wait for him to get back to me. If it's urgent I'll call him. I'd never accuse him of cheating if he ignored 10 of my texts. No, I think you are not telling us the full story!!
...............................
|
