A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend beats the hell out of me when I get him upset (he says I'm "getting fly.") He choked me when I was 8 months pregnant (outside), and he beat me up in front of our 2 daughters and my lil sister. I have been kicked, punched, slapped, head slammed, choked, spit on. I can't lie, I definitely love him. He does a lot for me. Things that other guys wouldn't do. But I'm starting to think that he would be the cause of my death. My daughters just started warming up to him again. They are 1 and 3. They showed him serious shade after the incident. He doesn't try and control me and make me stay with him. So I'm very confused and that's why I'm asking for help. Idk what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Hey,
Sorry but I'm going to repeat what others have said, please get out of this relationship. You may think that you love him, but honestly if it were back when you were single and you didn't know him and you thought about someone treating you like that, what would you have thought you'd do? Stay in the relationship, or get the out of it?
You say he says you upset him, well then you should talk about it, violence in a relationship where 2 people are supposed to love and care for each other...there are no words to describe it.
What happens if he gets worse? It's too much of a risk and your children don't deserve to be brought up in that kind of envrionment.
You deserve someone who loves, cares and respects you, this guy has none of that, I'm sorry but if he's abusing you then unfortunatly it's true.
You think you love him because of all the things he does for you, but that's probably to get you to stay, as well as your children. He probably feels he has some kind of dominance over you and if you stay any longer, he will do.
Call the police. Get away from him, if you're scared that he'll come after you once you've split up then again go to the police, get full custody of your children as well, he doesn't deserve to be a boyfriend, he may seem like a great father and would never hurt them, but you don't want to take the risk.
I know you were probably expecting these answers but maybe hoping for something different, like "Maybe he will change", maybe that's what you're hoping for, but if I were you, I wouldn't stay around long enough to find out.
You said he beat you when you were 8 months pregnant, you had one of your children inside of you and he still acted like a monster.
Call the police and get out of the relationship, it may seem confusing now, but when you're out of it and you look back on it, you'll see it wasn't a confusing decision, if he can't respect you in the way you deserve then he isn't worth it. Don't think he's the best you can do because you can do a hell of a lot better.
I really hope everything works out OK.
Good Luck!!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 I agree with the people: What are you doing with him? Get out of there as soon as possible?
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A
male
reader, FroggieGman +, writes (8 March 2009):
Why in the h*ll are you hanging around. He loves you? Do you really believe that?????
Your daughters are watching , listening and learning that's it's Ok for daddy to beat the H*ell out of mommy. They will grow up thinking that's what love is all about and they to will become victims of abuse. Get out of there. He will eventually beat you to death, then who will care for your children. Do what them to grow up with him until he kills one or both of them. Get away. There is nothing so great that he can possibly do for you that makes what he's doing OK
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (8 March 2009):
 I know its hard to leave someone who you love.
But think about this. One day he could get so angry and beat you and leave you for dead. What will your daughters do? They need a caring mum.
If you stay with him when you daughters grow up he could start on them just like what hes doing to you. Do you want to put them through that?
For you own safety and your daughters i suggest you leave before it gets worse. You can let your husband see his kids but think about it if he really loved you he wouldn't beat you up.
Good luck.
Livia
x
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A
female
reader, triedit  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Of course the simple answer is to just leave. But that is sooooo hard to do, especially with children involved.
But ask yourself if this is what you want your kids to think is normal for relationships.
What would you tell your daughter to do if she were in the same situation?
How can you "love" someone who obviously does not really love you? We don't hurt the people and things we really love. Quit fooling yourself. He's not going to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): Nice, you love a guy that beats the crap out of you. I believe there is a word for that... [ponders] Ah yes, it's actually three words: "Low self-esteem" on your part. Yes, I'm pointing at you.
I feel like giving you 'advice' that goes against the grain and tell you to stay with that chicken manure of a boyfriend you have. I want to tell you to stay with him until you get killed. I want to tell you to continue this 'in love' illusion you have for that filth (I just mentally vomited a little) and just stay in such a 'wonderfully' pleasant relationship.
I really do want to because I can't quite seem to stand for such moronic choices you've put yourself into. I can kind of understand that a person with super low self esteem, believing that such a disgusting piece of s**t of a man is actually giving you all the necessities you require, including the love he is obviously not showing you, but my gosh...
Wow. This is simply and utterly incredible.
I'm not allowed to say anything harsher than this. Wow, did you happen to have your brains leaked out while he was choking you one of the prior days? You didn't happen to be snorting too much coke?
No no, before anyone defends this lifeless woman against my words, THINK: please, use that tiny brain of yours and THINK.
+++THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO BE CONFUSED ABOUT!+++
HOW HARD is this? Really? Hahaha, come on. THINK: use that brain of yours or what's left of it and THINK.
It's not a hard thing really. Wow.
Go jump... Never mind. I'm not allowed to say it.
Okay, advice...
Advice: he's hurting you. You love him because you feel no one in the world can ever do anything more for you. So you latch onto the person that can offer what you've never had. You feel this is love because of the things he has done for you. However, he's beating the crap out of you. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. LOVING SOMEONE IS NOT BEATING THAT PERSON. LOVING SOMEONE is about communication, compromise and understanding. HE IS OBVIOUSLY not understanding. Yeah, he's communicating alright. He's communicating his fists and feet against your broken will you FOOL!
Stop living in such a tiny world and get out of there NOW! The World IS HUGE! It's not made up of that tiny tiny tiny tiny garbage dump of yours.
Do yourself a favor please for Buddha's sake and get out now!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (8 March 2009):
 LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW! Go to the police, this is not acceptable behaviour and what will you do when he starts beating your kids up too, or they see him actually murder you!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (8 March 2009):
 You need to leave him! He'll be the death of you! Its not just you that you need to do this for! You have children andyou need to protect them, I know its hard as you love him but if he really loved you then he wouldn't be doing this! You can get help from different places to help you start a new life, take advantage of these services! Xx
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