A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 2 years confessed yesterday that few weeks back he had an one night stand, he was heavely drunk and didn't realise what he was getting into.I really dont understand how he could he say since he was drunk he didnt know what he was doing. I dont want to forgive what he did, but if he hadnt told me i wouldnt have known the truth. I really dont know what to do, please help me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 November 2011):
 he didn't apologize?
beg your forgiveness?
fall to his knees and say "i'm not worthy"
just a " i won't do it again"
damn straight skippy you won't.
I think he's a bit too calm and relaxed for his goof to be that easily forgiven
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Confused? Dont let that feeling keep u interested in him. Hes a cheating a**hole who deserves my 130 dumbbells dropped on his face. Rid urself of him. Is it that hard of a decision?!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 So how is he treating it now? Ignoring it? He didn't beg forgiveness? He shows no remorse?
Showing no remorse for it is just as bad as actually doing it, in my eyes. So ok, he said he wont do it again, but this isn't like buying the wrong kind of dishwasher at the store "my bad, won't do it again"....!
If he isn't crying his eyes out begging for forgiveness and how to make it up to you, then I doubt he sees the seriousness of this. Which means he has no understanding of how this impacts your relationship and your feelings. He sounds ignorant and selfish, as if his admitting to it would be enough, because it's no big deal, right? He'll just not do it again. As if that makes it all okay.
What does he think exactly? If a boyfriend of mine ever cheats I tell them I'll be coming after them with my steel frying pan, and they've agreed that I'm justified to do so, should they ever be such a fool (said as a joke, but the point is that a cheating episode wont go down lightly without a heck of a mess). And here your boyfriend is stating it as a matter of fact, and he'll not do it again. Swell. Guess you can just brush this under the carpet then and carry on as usual? Or?
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Hi,Confessing? Some may think is honorable....( might indicate that he loves you, care about you, and wants to make things right?)Some may think he was just releasing his own guilt...( maybe he couldn't live with the secrecy, and guilt, so he was just confessing for his own freedom?)The saddest thing about cheating is that it took the innocence out of me. Made me a different person, and I lost the ability to trust people. After this experience, I knew I was never going to be the same person again... Also, another thing that really made me angry, STD? I do not judge people at all, I respect everybody's sexual preferences, rather if you are in a committed relationship and decide to be in a monogynous relationship, or have multiple partners. I have absolutely no right to judge, however I am always concerned about getting STD, and to think I was put in a involuntary situation, where I didn't have the right to choose made me angry. I know people make mistakes, we are humans, and I am not perfect by any means.. It's just annoying..... It's not fair, because he had the right to make his choices, but you didn't, well, I guess he's giving you the chance now? I hope you feel better, and I hope you can make the right decision, what's best for you...Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your overwhelming response. He said that he had one night stand as a matter of fact, he didnt apologise but said he wont do it again. Thats where i got confused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): I think you would be a generous person to move past this. If I were in that situation I don't think I could ever let them touch me ever again because I would always picture him having sex with another person. If you can get past that then I do agree with other people when they say he deserves forgiven for telling you of his own accord. But it all depends on whether you can forget it because if not neither of you will have a happy, fulfilling relationship. Best of luck x
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Being drunk is no excuse, that part is just idiotic. I was so drunk I couldn't even walk straight and was walking around with a guy I had "unfinished business" with and still didn't cheat on my boyfriend. It didn't even enter my mind.
That said, if you can I would forgive him because he confessed. He didn't confess when confronted or lie. He knew it was wrong and horrible and he came to you to tell you because he wanted to be honest with you. Honest because he loves you greatly and wanted to right his wrongs because he knows it was wrong.
So if you can get past it, I would. And I would at least try. But if you don't think you'll ever be able to forgive him, then have a clean break and move on. There's no point in prolonging it.
I think what you should do is tell him you need some time apart to think and take a few weeks or however long you need to mull it over (and like ChiGirl says, really make sure he knows he's in hot water here) and decide if you can live with this or not. I don't think he'll do it again and I do think he's sorry. Like was mentioned, we're human, we make mistakes. At least he knows this was a mistake and at least he thought that being open and honest with you was more important than anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): let him off. ONCE. x
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (10 November 2011):
He lacks maturity and respect for you. His honesty is a plus however his very poor decision to drink and to put himself at risk of such a liberal fiasco, outweighs his honesty and apology. Now, trust is broken. You will begin to question and worry about what decisions he makes when he goes out and youre not around. I find his behavior typical and extremely futile. Get rid of him. Oh wait... I forgot western women tend to stay with men who treat them like s*it because they lack self confidence? Based on your concern, it may be possible you may not fulfill this generalization I hold?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 I've been as drunk as physically possible many a time, I've tended bar at a night club for 5 years and I can honestly say that there is no way that a drunk person can have a one night stand and not know what's going on at some point... those who say otherwise either don't remember, (and why would they if they were that drunk), or they're just making excuses. Either way, booze is never an excuse. As far as I'm concerned, if you are conscious, can walk and thrust, then you still have an awareness of what's going on around you.
Then again, to your boyfriends credit, he's handled this situation like a man. He told you of his own free will and relatively recently as well. Don't take that lightly.
As for the excuses... well, I can't really judge, I think I'd say the same thing in his situation... anything to try to soften the blow.
So now you have to decide what to do... in the same situation I think I'd be inclined to forgive my partner over time, but I'd make it damn well sure that she knew that its two strikes and you're out. Also it'd depend on her attitude... admitting fault, apologizing profusely and understanding that forgiveness would take time, (and let's be honest... a lot of grovelling), would also be a big factor.
Goodluck aye.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Do you love him? Can you ever forgive him? Do you trust him? Do you believe him when he says this will never happen again. Do you believe he loves you more than any other woman in this world?
It's your decision. Can't tell to go, can't tell you to stay. People make mistakes, but them some people like to cheat and lie and can never be satisfied with only one woman.
You are young, you have time. There is no hurry, you don't have to make a decision today. If you stay with him, this betrayal will hurt for a very long time, maybe for ever. If you leave him, you may miss him terrible and regret that you can't be with him again. Whatever happens, he hurt you and you are upset and angry and there has to be some understanding on his part on the pain he has caused.
For the moment, tell him to go away and give you time and space to think. You have all the time in the world to make the decision that suits you best.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Not excusing what he has done BUT... He admitted to this. This means that he realised what he's done and he faced you (that could not have bn easy) and he told you what happened (he didn't have to) and he asked for forgiveness.
I really think after 2 years... and given self-admission of guilt... I would seriously give this guy another chance. We are humans ... and that means we're not perfect.. If he was sneaking and hiding I would not tell you this...but he seems straight.. Good luck hun xx
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 November 2011):
Dump him. He was drunk by his own free will, and being drunk is never an excuse. Dump him, he needs to learn a lesson.
Then see what happens after you have dumped him. If you still want to be with him, and still love him, and can trust him again in the future, then IF he gives you his all and everything and fights to have you back.. then maybe you can get back together.
But for now, you need to leave him. Or else he will think cheating is acceptable and will do it again.
If you and him get back together you need to build your relationship up from scratch and start ALL OVER. Which means you count the days you have been together from that day, and not count in the past 2 years.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 November 2011):
2 years...
one night stand
unforced confession...
I can't tell you what YOU should do but more than likely if it was ME I'd forgive at least this one time...
but then I have an open policy if he sees something he wants to hit he just needs to ask permission first.... it's not the sex that bugs ME it's te lying.... so NO lying and I'm good but then I'm pretty rare about it... most partners feel that bodies are sacred and sex should be with only your one love....
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Being drunk is a lame excuse - if a man really is 'that' drunk he cant get an erection, so he cant have been that bad. If you are heavily drunk and really dont know what you are doing then you are very ill normally, usually involving being sick, passing out etc.
So yes he may have had a few drinks and been drunk - but he still will have been able to stop himself from kissing this girl, going back with her to wherever it was, and then stop himself from putting his penis inside her.
So now it is up to you really, we cant tell you what to do, you have to decide whether you can forgive his cheating and move on. Or if you cant forgive him well it is over then isnt it.
Yes it is good (in a way) that he told you, at least he has come clean - but it has taken him weeks to do so, clearly he was going to try and hide it from you but either the guilt was too much or someone knew about it too and he got worried you would find out.
If he was genuinely sorry, genuinely regretting what he had done and genuinelly distraught about the whole thing he would have told you right away, literally the next day after it happened. The fact that he has kept it a secret for weeks is not a good sign, he clearly wanted to try and lie to you and hide it.
If I'm honest I think you probably should leave him, he has broken your trust in a big way and then didnt come clean right away, I dont think you can fix a relationship after something like this happens. Generally when someone cheats it indicates that there is something wrong with the relationship and they are acting out on that problem rather than talking to their partner about it. So as much as he might claim he was just drunk, chances are there will be a underlying problem on his part that he is not telling you about and the relationship is already failing on some other level.
But at the end of the day the choice is yours, some people can forgive cheating and re-build the trust. Other people never get over it and it cant be fixed. It just depends on what sort of person you are and what you want.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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