A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:what do i do i have been with the same man for 15 years i do love him, but i am in love with another man i don't know what to do.they are both great men i don't see how i could choose between them.i have a 14 year old boy with the man i been with for 15 years.but i am having such strong feelings for the other man i don't know what to do please help. thank you cindy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 There is a big difference between loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone. You say you love your partner but you're "in love" with this other man. 15 years is a long time to be with someone. You really need to ask yourself some very important questions here. Are you with him because he's safe? Are you with him because of the child? Or because you truly love him and want to be with him? What happened that you feel for this other man? Is your relationship with your partner having problems just now? Are you bored in your relationship? Is it becoming habitual? Are you looking for excitement? Is this other man showing you attention and you like that?
Have you been intimate with this other person? Is he worth leaving your partner for? Can you trust this other man? Can he be loyal to you and look after you, provide for your family and give you 100% commitment? Write down the answers to these questions and ask yourself if it's infatuation or if you feel you really do love this other guy.
You can't keep feeling the way you are just now and it's not fair on your partner so you have to come to a decision. Only YOU can decide what to do here... Let me know how it goes and feel free to give some more information if you want to and we can look at it again.
Eve
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 This is a very simple one to answer. You do the honourable, decent, moral, proper, nice, caring thing here. You muster up some integrity and put your hard work into the relationship with the man you love and are married to....your husband. Why are you nurturing these normal but misplaced feelings towards this other guy? What have you done with him and why are you allowing yourself to be sucked into the vortex of this mess. If, and I say if, you love your HUSBAND, then quit messing around physically and emotionally with Prince Charming.
Lets look at both sides....On one side you've got 15 years with a man you love. You've got a home, son, jobs, history and a future. That's called the good life.
On the other hand, you've got some dude who you're attracted to....so what.
You're feeding something inside you that needs attention. That's understandable but you're looking in the wrong places for the answer. The answer is with the man who's married to you, the one you've shared your life with. Do the right thing and behave....One more thing, how would your son feel if he knew mom was sneaking around and having sex with someone other than dad. This isn't JUST about you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): Maybe your feelings for this other guy is just a crush which should fade away within time. Don't leave your long-term boyfriend and father of your son for this other man who might not even feel the same way back about you. Move on from this crush and stay with your boyfriend. Work at the relationship with your boyfriend rather than working at having a crush on another guy.
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A
female
reader, Sam23 +, writes (3 March 2007):
Hi Cindy,
So you've been with the same man for 15 years, and after one year together you had a son. Did you both feel more able to stay together after his birth? Or did you have strong feelings for each other anyway?
It sounds like you feel that a choice must be made, and interestingly you describe being "in love" with this new man. Yet in describing your long-term partner you say "i do love him", which sounds more like a commitment.
If you made the decision to leave your long-term partner for this new man, what do you feel you would truly loose? And if you made the decision to let go of this new love, how do you think you would feel after 15 years?
There's no right or wrong answer to this. You've had what sounds like 15 years of a solid relationship, which may or may not be about to end. You have complete control over the ending, or the new beginning, whomever it may be with.
Good Luck!
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