A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I always had a fight because of misunderstandings. We used to yell and speak out harsh words and insults to each other until now. Our relationship stayed long for one year and nine months now, but we still fight ang it seems like we still don't know each other very well...Our fights always end up hurting each other physically, I have slapped him, he had punched my elbow, arms... We speak insulting words towards each other...But the truth is, after that fight, we still end up forgiving each other, though it hurts me so much because I never imagined of this kind of relationship.But I just can't let go, and I know he needs me and I need him too...I need your advice for this matter.Thank you so much. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Love certainly should not be this hard and it certainly shouldn't get to the point of physical abuse. You are both lashing out in every way and that is not a relationship that is working but one that is becoming more and more destructive day by day. You both need to take a step backwards and really see what it is that you are constantly fighting about. Being in a relationship for 1 year and 9 months is not a long term relationship and if it has been a lot of verbal abuse before the physcial abuse, it seems to me like you are not at all compatible. I think you both need to see if you could get into some sort of counselling - I know that costs but even one session could help you both. You can't let this continue in this way as the physical abuse could really get out of hand and one of you could end up either getting badly hurt or worse and that is not love in any sense of the word. If you argue over money, then you need to look at why this is. If it is over other people interferring in your relationship - again you both need to talk this through calmly and objectively. If it is over the way you both act then you need to see what each other is doing and what provokes the other person. There are many reasons why we argue but generally we argue because we do not LISTEN to what the other person is saying and we try to talk over them to give our point of view and we then go on the defensive as we feel the need to defend what we said or how we acted and so on. You need to both sit down quietly and calmly and talk through what is happening with your relationship. If you start off with one of you talking for 10 minutes and the other person cannot interrupt and then the other person responds, you will achieve a lot more believe me. Keep us posted on how things go eh!BFNCountry Woman
A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 its not good being in a physical relationship and although you feel like you need one and another your better off apart until you can sort your problems out separately or get some councilling
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Wow....he is hitting you?? That is abuse! It needs to stop NOW!The relationship needs to end or both of you need to go to counseling and work it out.The verbal hurt also needs to stop but the physically needs to stop now...You didn't imagine this type of relationship before cause it's not normal. I know it is hard because you feel like you need each other but it can't continue like this.Good Luck! Please message me if you want to talk about it.
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