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male
age
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anonymous
writes: My daughter is 23 and has been dating "Jason" 25, since high school.I always looked at him as a good kid,a little inmature but figured he would grow up to be a respectful guy. Three weeks ago my daughter came home in tears saying that she she found out Jason had cheated on her several times with 2 different girls, even going as far as making a sex tape with one of them. (this tape was made only weeks ago). I consider my daughter and I very close and tried comforting her as best I could. Jason went to great lengths to get my daughter to forgive him. I explained to her many times that she should take more time to reflect on the whole situation ( praying in that time she would move on.) Yesterday at a family dinner, my daughter invited Jason even though I told her I was not happy about it. 3 weeks after my daughter found a sex tape of him and anohter women Jason had the nerve to get on one knee and ask my daughter to marry him in front of my whole family. All of us knowing what he had done to her. My daughter was stupid enough to say yes, she was laughing and giggling and acting like nothing had ever happen.How do I show her that she deserves better and tha Jason is an ass who will only hurt her in the end.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): you are so rite once a cheater always a cheater9 times outta 10 jason is still talkin to the women he had sex with or even other women you and your daughter need to catch him in the act find out who the women is and set up somethen work everytime but your daughter seems like the type that will believe anything he says do wat eva u can to show her
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): For a decision to be right for her, she needs to make it for herself, and should not be pressured to do so. Obviously she's an adult so she knows right from wrong, but she seems to know what she's doing by getting engaged to him so, maybe she's got plans to dump him at the alter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): For a decision to be right for her, she has to make it for herself, and should not be pressured to do so. Obviously she's an adult so she knows right from wrong, but she seems to know what she's doing by getting engaged to him so, maybe she's got revenge planned for him who knows.
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female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 If a buck naked video of him having sex with another women just weeks ago didn't do it, I'm afraid there may not be much you can do except support her when she finally gets the "picture". Unfortunantly, she'll have to get it the hard way - experience.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Tell me, did you think Beauty and the Beast was a good kids movie?A lot of parents did, but lets see what message it sends to females. It don't matter how much of an asshole the guy is, your love will save him. In the disney version the guy really is not a nice guy and in the original a normal person would have little sympathy for him.We raise women with the idea that love can turn a guy around.And your daughter has turned him around hasn't she? He cheated, but she stayed true to him and voila, he changed and proposed!Of course, you and I know that it is just a matter of time before he will something similar again, but that ain't how the movie goes.There is precious little that you can do. Remember, people tried to tear beauty away too. That is part of it all, the whole world against the both of them and she sticking with him through thick and thin to show him her love and save him.Remember that, when you are taking your grand-kids to a disney movie.
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female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 I would let her make her own mistakes and just be there for her as he will obviously will hurt her, once a cheat always a cheat but as much as you try to convince her she deserves better the more shel try to prove you wrong about him and stay with him and think your an interfering mother. try and accept jason into your family but just be wary and hopefully your daughter will come to her senses
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I agree this Jason is a total sleaze and I don't know what is wrong with your daughter either, except that she was just releived probably at his proposal.
If you are a member of a church, then why don't you suggest your daughter speak to your pastor about what happened with Jason and marriage to him. I think talking to a neutral third party would be a better way to get through to her what a mistake it is to marry him at least until they get some counseling, and even then I hope that she comes to a decision to not do the deed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Well ultimately your daughter is an adult at this point.
You love her and will always love herno matter what. id make it clear that you will support her and care for her as much as she can expect as a father but that if she marries this guy then she will be his wife and at that point you will not be able to get involved. Id make it clear that you think this guy is not good enough for her but that if she insists on marrying him youll always love her.
what this means is I care about you but if you make this particular bed then dont be surprised if it collapses beneath you.
Time for some tough love, but emphasis on the love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I agree with what the others have said. It doesn't sound like anything's going to get through to your daughter, though.
You have to be true to yourself in all this as well. So I'd make it clear to her that you will not fund the wedding. No white dress, no crowd of partiers, no catered do on your dime. If she won't listen to you that he's a loser, then she's on her own. She can elope to Vegas if that's what she wants, but you're not gonna walk her down the aisle and put her hand in his in front of the minister. If you two have a close relationship, maybe that will get her attention.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This must be difficult. Unfortunately, it is your daughter's choice whether she marries this guy or not.
Maybe you could try and sit down with her one day, and tell her that you are worried. Try not to make it sound like you are telling her to leave him, as this might make her defensive and want to stay with this guy even more. It might also make her reluctant to talk to you. Rather, try talking to her about your concerns. Just tell her that you respect whatever decisions she makes, and that you will be there no matter what, but you are worried, and then share your concerns with her. This way, she might be more open to listen to you.
But all you can do is tell her your worries about this guy, the rest is up to her. It could be that things work out well, and you are pleasantly surprised. Or it could all be a disaster, as you fear. But even if that is the case, if she goes ahead and marries this guy, there is nothing you can do. She will have to learn for herself.
This must be really difficult, when you are a mother in this situation. You want to protect your child from getting hurt. But that isn't always possible, and some lessons can only be learned through our mistakes. So if the worst happens, and she does get hurt by this guy, then I'm sure you will be there to comfort and help her. And she will learn from what happened.
We can warn and warn, as much as we like. But if somebody chooses to go against that warning, and proceed anyway, then they will learn eventually. Maybe it will be the hard way, but sometimes that is the only way to learn. There have been times in my life where I haven't listened to my parent's advice. Sometimes it worked out okay. Other times, I got hurt, and I saw that my parent's were right. But I needed to make the mistake, to go through it, to learn.
So as long as you are there for her no matter what happens, I think, one way or another, she will be okay. She may just have some hard lessons to learn. But with the support from the people who care about her, she will be fine, I'm sure. x
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 No one can tell you "the right way" to handle an adult child under these circumstances because your daughter is going to be quite different than most.
Under these circumstances I can't help but be blunt. She's a fool.
Any woman who can look past this guy is beyond me. From what you said he had not one but 2 different women while seeing your daughter and being in a long term relationship with her.
So getting back to your daughter. Its apparent that she's still in love with Jason. His proposal for marriage to me seems to be less than sincere.
Is he offering to marry her in order to "make up for" his other two sex partners? That's what it looks like.
She needs to think about this one a little bit harder. I know it seems kind of cruel, but if there's a tape out there, maybe you ought to show it to her and then ask her if she still wants him.
Somehow I get the sense that if she marries Jason, it will not end well.
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