A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband swears he is not having an affair, so why does he get defensive and over react to everything I say.? He also avoids making love, and recently has stopped even giving me a 'cuddle' when I ask for one.When I try to talk seriously to him about how insecure this makes me feel, he gets even more angry, and shuts me out even more. I just don't know what happened to the loving man I married.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): bottom line: your hb will never admit to cheating.
something is wrong. i cannot tell you what it is. but at least you know that something is wrong so please if you can try to fix it. but be very careful: i smell a rat. these are signs of cheating.
A
female
reader, Practical  +, writes (27 July 2010):
try to read about depression .. I think that he might be depressed .. he sounds like my bf .. who was loving and caring .. now he can't give a damn even if he saw me upset about something or even crying !
It went undetected .. I recently found out he was depressed starting few months ago (exactly when he started to change on me and withdraw from any emotional situation)
so, try to read "Depression Fallout" by Anne Sheffield.. pay attention to the smallest details of his behavior..
Good luck ..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Those symptoms plus more are signs of cheating. Second to direct evidence is your instinct. If your gut has kicked in to suspect he's cheating, then you're probably right.
Being rejected by your husband sucks, but blame your insecurity on your choice to feel insecure. Another man's actions doesn't make you insecure, you make you insecure. I say dump off your expectations and choose to not perceive him as a source for affection. That'll kill frustration.
Then, follow up on his cell phone. Cell phones/Blackberries are excellent leads to anyone's social habits.
My b/f did all that you described and yes, he was cheating. If you suspect it...
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A
male
reader, Lcapytano  +, writes (26 July 2010):
I don't know how long you have been married, how long this has been a growing problem, or much info about your husband, but with that said, it sounds like he may be depressed in general, or could have something chemically (like low testosterone) that is causing the change in behavior.
I personally have experienced something similar to this, but as the husband was the one with the issue. My wife and I have been married for over 14 years now with four children. A few years ago I found out my wife thought I didn't love her, think she was attractive, etc. We very rarely had sex (usually only at her repeated requests), I never put my arms around her, told her how beautiful she was, etc. I had also gained weight, and didn't have much of a desire for anything after work other than TV. After discussing this with a new Dr. at the time, he assured me that my behavior wasn't normal for a male of my age. He ran a battery of tests on my blood and found that I was extremely low on testosterone. I had the testosterone level of an 80 year old man. Since, I have received testosterone injection levels every two weeks for the past few years and our lives have completely changed for the better.
I am not saying that this is the case, or that even if it were the case that everything will be solved for the better. I am saying that there could be more pieces to this puzzle that you and your husband aren't even aware of. He could be writing it off as "getting older" as I had done. It was through this process that I learned that women need to be emotionally fed as much if not more than physically fed. Men are more like 80% physically needy and 20% emotionally needy so they don't realize the importance of all the things mentioned above. They assume that because they work hard and are home every night, that these things are enough.
There could be a myriad of reasons as to what the problems are, what I am suggesting is to think outside the box. It might take nearly losing you for him to realize that you are unhappy. Perhaps you need to express your love to him and that you feel like he doesn't love, or find you attractive. That this is unhealthy and can lead to bigger problems. Then openly discuss what the potential problems and solutions are.
I hope you don't have to face the big "D" word to both realize that it's too late, or to find a solution. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (26 July 2010):
 What does you husband to for work? This sounds like it could be stress. Dont always assume the worst, explore other things first.
If it is stress there will be depression too.
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