A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here's the situation. I met this guy randomly and he asked for my number. I met him after a few days for a first day, and we instantly clicked. I saw him again and again for months and quickly fell in love with him. After the first month I started seeing him every other day practically and stupidly fell in love with him. he said he loved me first. He met my famil and I met his friends and work colleagues.Well, then at some point, seemingly completely out of the blue (with hindsight I now see hints of it leading up to said situation was by and large, oblivious) he meets me at my house (where I live with my parents - I am a good seven years younger than this man), and he sits me down in my living room and tells me he's married. Apparently been with her the whole time he was seeing me. He told me that before he started seeing me he went on a few dates with another two girls but didn't like either of them and didn't sleep with either. The whole thing baffles me because I never slept with him and while he clearly wanted to he never pressured me. He told me he and his wife were now getting a divorce because she found out about our affair the previous day and he made no attempt to salvage their relationship. He said that he had wanted their marriage to end for several years before this but they had been together so long (since they were young teenagers) that he didn't know how to end it. Didn't know how to break the status quo. and then one night he had a drunken kiss with some girl and things went from there.His wife contacted me several days later and I stopped talking to my 'boyfriend,' completely since he first told me the truth. She told me that their marriage had been pretty much perfect and that she had no clue about me and that when she found out about me she confronted him and he denied it all and was desperate to keep seeing her. She's filed for divorce and since she has friends in high places whole business should be sorted out pretty soon. He moved out into his sister's house. His wife was perfectly nice to me to my surprise and believed that I didn't know a thing about the whole thing. He's been contacting me constantly since we this all happened and I met with him once in person to discuss things and ask questions because I wanted to know the full deception. It makes me sick to think he went home to her bed every night after seeing me and that he could do something so evil to someone he'd been with for so many years. He said that her claims that he didn't want to divorce were not true and he said that she was very upset that he was making no attempts to reconcile after she found out about me and demanded a divorce. He's shown me his correspondence with her which seems to indicate that this is true, but of course it seems stupid for me to believe him after all this.He's begging for me to give him another chance and it's been three weeks since the ugly thing happened. His wife said i'm welcome to him cos he's a piece of scum. I dearly loved him but whole thing's changed my feelings about him. Do I give him another chance? He's confusing my brain.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 Give him a chance? For what? To cheat/dupe/fool you again? Is this humiliation not enough? This man's wife is right on the money...he is nothing but a piece of scum. Believe me, if he was even 0.00001% worth having, she would have fought for him. The fact that he's so worthless, a liar and a compulsive cheater should be enough for you to just kick him out of your life.
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 November 2011):
 No no no. Big deal breaker, and major red flag, right off the bat : when he started romancing you THEN ,once you were already hooked, admitted he was married.
He should have treated you as an adult - he should have told you : look, here's the deal, I am still married ,in the process of getting a divorce, blah blah ,- he should have let you FREE to choose if going on or not, fully informed about his status.
Now, who cares if he was the one who wanted to initiate the divorce, or if in fact it was his wife ? Irrelevant details, what matters is that he has shown you he is a liar and a manipulator ( beside being a cheater ) and now you can't trust him even to give you the right time of the day.
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A
female
reader, missy23  +, writes (19 November 2011):
move on. You deserve a relationship that begins on trust and respect. This has started as a bad foundation that will never be straight again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): You have seen what he is capable of. Life wont be a bed of roses wondering if he is with someone else. He is very good at deceit,you have seen it for yourself. I agree with so very confused summary of his wifes reaction.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): My best friend went through this. He never told her that he was married, when it all came out his wife divorced him and told she was welcome to him. She gave hin another chance and even married him. Throughout their marriage he cheated and even forged her signature to get loans and left her in a pile of debt. She has since divorced him and he has moved on to his next victim. From what I saw my friend experience, don't give him another chance, he will only hurt you more. As hard as it is move on and find yourself a decent man. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Well, if you want to be treated like his wife was, then I think she put it very well...you are welcome to him.Yes, your brain is confused, because you were misled in an intensely emotional life experience.You were not the first, nor were you the last, and he was using all of you.He lied to you about the marriage, his life, etc, and he is probably lying to you now. She was probably heartbroken, but angry, and who are you going to believe (him or her). She has done her best to warn you, you either choose to take heed or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): This guy will only do the same to you, I would think. The fact things got difficult with the wife, fair enough, but how did he cope with that?! He admitted he did not try to reconcile with his wife, the woman he took vows with to spend the rest of his life with...
No, instead he went to cheat on his wife..
Regardless of how much he may love you, which he probably does, ask yourself do you really want to be with a man that takes a marriage so lightly, that when the going gets tough he bails?!! Marriage is suppose to be something people have work at especially when it hits a rocky patch and every marriage hits a rocky patch.
I think he would soon get bored with you too and every other girl he picks up with. Let him go, do not settle for second best. He clearly has no morals this man and you seem to be a woman of morals otherwise you wouldn't be having doubts about giving him a chance. So that alone says you would be the one picking up the pieces when the going gets tough.
Tell him you are not interested. I know it would be hard, but you will get over him, and realise he's not that great altogether, there is much better guys out there that would never cheat,so why settle for him?!
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2011):
 A leopard does not change it's spots...
he lied and cheated on his wife.
he's lying to you (trust me a scorned wife tells the truth and if she wanted him back she would have called you and told you to drop dead...instead she offered him to you... take him off her hands)
he does not want to be alone...therefore he's desperate to get you if he can't have his wife....
now granted he may or may NOT do the same to you if you stay with him, but are you willing to take that risk.
Knowing that he lied to HIS WIFE and got away with it, will you ever trust him?
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A
female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (18 November 2011):
Dont give him another chance he used u and lied to u and his wife. Hes done the dirty on the both of you so it goes to show how little respect he shows other people. Its not worth risking a broken heart on someone you no for sure is capable of being so decietful.
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