A
male
age
36-40,
*akman123
writes:Hi this is my first time on this site. I am feeling quite confused and depressed. I am in love with a girl, i think shes my best friend or im hers i dont know, but anyway, I get the feeling she only talks to me if she needs help with something or if the person she wants to talk to isnt available. When we do talk, we have a good time and great conversations, but theres something in my mind telling me that she is using me. I havent told her how i feel because im 90% sure she doesnt feel the same way about me, as she talks to me about her ex boyfriend all the time. Also there is another guy who she talks to me about from time to time. Sometimes she would tell me she wishes she had a bf like me, but in my head this is just saying i want someone like you, but not you. I know we wont be together, and i just need peoples advice on how to move on from her. I dont want to hurt her feelings by telling her i dont want to talk to her anymore, so i kind of feel like im inbetween a rock and a hard place. Sorry if some of this didnt make any sense im just not in a mentaly good place right now. Thanks
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best friend, depressed, her ex, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Sounds like she sees you as a friend, one she knows will be there for her and listen to her.
Could be she has no idea how you feel or that she does, and abuses your good nature.
If your not happy and your gut feeling tells you shes using you then listen to it. You dont have to explain yourself, just don't be available, cut the chats short saying you gotta go if she does get through.
You don't have to be rude but you do have to look after number one. When you have had a break from her,cleared your head, you will probably find you don't need or think about her and will be too busy to care
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 Hi,
You are mentally well. You are not the problem, she is. To be honest, I think she thinks of you as a friend, because she knows you like her, and you are always available to her whenever she wants.
You don't need to be polite. Just tell her that you need some time apart. That you need to be alone for a while. Trust your gut feeling. If you are feeling this way, most likely you are right. I think is disrespectful of her to talk about other guys with you.
Don't waste your time with her. You deserve someone better. Someone that makes you happy.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 You are letting your insecurities and doubts be sabotaged by your current mental status and will soon sabotage your relationship with her. Don't assume the worst. You really just never know until you try. Her comment about wishing for a 'boyfriend like you' seems like the most legit reason to ask her out on a date. Plus she has a habit of confiding things in you about other men of whom she doesn't have solid feelings for... Before you switch to protection mode and tell her you rather not talk anymore, make sure you address exactly what it is you want and feel you could have with her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 Just don't make yourself available to her as you have been. If she wants to see you, arrange for some other friends to be around at the same time, so that it's not just the two of you and you can't talk intimately. Make some new friends, start dating girls to distract you from this one. In time, you'll get over her, and she will have moved on to someone else who will listen to her as you did. It's not much fun for you, not to have those feelings reciprocated. You could take a risk and ask her how she feels about you. Possibly she might think that you don't like her that way.
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