A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love dresses, I have always loved dresses. My boyfriend of two years, speaks about marriage with me and how he loves me and wants to spend the rest of our lives together.I love him dearly but there are things about him that don't seem to fit right... I am accosted many morning when I make my one hour commute to work (how did I get to the metro, how did I get to work, who drove me, what guy did I speak with, what guy spoke with me, where did I sit on the metro, how did I sit on the metro, how did I arrive so quickly, why did it take so long, etc). I am attacked while I am at work (what meetings do you have today, why did you wear a dress, you must be on gchat every moment or I will know you are with a guy, why did you take the stairs - so guys can look up your dress?, you can't wear heels, why does your internet not work, what guys were at the work meeting, why did you take so long to answer your work phone, etc). This morning, I wore one of my favorite dresses with my gold flat shoes (I do not wear heels of any kind because I am called a wh*re for it). As I leave the apartment the only words he says to me are "you're wearing a dress because it's easier for him?"... I don't know who him is...but it hurts. Every accusation hurts. he says he knows he is crazy but that it's because he can't find a job and his mind goes crazy and he takes it out on me. Two years...I've put in two years and have been weathered down to a near nothing and now feel so minuscule in this world that nothing gives me energy for life anymore. I feel that I am always defending the nothing that I am accused of. I have developed a twitch, constant headaches, indigestion...he blames it on my personality as being an "arrogant b*tch witch wh*re".Men who are married or seriously dating, would you ever treat the woman you loved like this? Women, at what point would you draw the line?
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female
reader, should not be +, writes (28 October 2009):
why do you live with him so long? maybe he is very sweet for you? well let take a rest and try to think something new, i believe there are alot of guy who is better than him.
A
male
reader, demon2004 +, writes (24 October 2009):
 I say put him out with the rest of the garbage.
No I would never treat my wife like that it is just to disrespectful to her or anyone for that matter.
I would not want anyone treating a daughter of mine like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Dump him.
He's controlling you, and it will get worse. Soon he wont allow you to speak to anyone, and he's already telling you what you can wear!
I'd draw the line at any guy calling me a whore. For whatever reasons. If any man tries to tell me what I can and can't do I will bitch slap him. For real. You are an individual, not an extension of him! You do what YOU want to do, not what HE wants to do. Got that?
Now get away from this mentally disturbed person. He's manipulative and obsessive. Call one of your friends (if he's allowed you to have any) and get them to pick you up, pack your bag, and leave.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 I draw the line at his compulsive need to know where I am. He doesn't. I am my own person and you need to trust me or this wont work. If I allowed him to continue with his behaviour, the more i allow it to happen to me. I only receive what I put up with.He is trying to control you and has success issues in this relationship. He knows full rightly you dont need him to survive. You have your own work and dont depend on him financially. This means he depends on you. He needs you to want him. He is the one with the insecurities and needs you to think you want him. He could have been a wonderful loving supportive boyfriend without a job, but instead he let his trust issues consume him.You can do better frankly. Dont ever let him think you cant. If you want to continue with him you need to tell him he needs to stop this behaviour, this verbal abuse or you will not be there the next morning. Do not put up with it.HonningKanin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): have you ever played the game monopoly? if you're looking for a get out of jail free card...here it is. Run, do not walk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): draw the line now!he needs to stop being a control freak
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 October 2009):
I'm with everyone else. You can't be in this relationship as it is. Get rid of him and find a better guy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Doing this constantly is a form of abuse and it is about control.
He may be going through a rough time not having a job but that is no excuse. If this seems to be a new thing surrounding his current job loss, he may be depressed and anxious. If he never verbally abuses you, or threatens you physically, then it might be worth it to take him to see a counselor, he may need medication for depression, too.
If this has been this way from day 1, then you probably are fighting a losing battle and he will not change...so your only choice is to end this 2 year unhealthy relationship and get out on your own.
Either way, it will be difficult since you feel pretty low, but know that this is his issue and not your fault in the least for being a woman wearing dresses. I mean, how stupid does that sound to you?
But, what would be worse is to let it continue for one more day. Stand up for yourself and put your foot down, counseling or I am exiting the relationship.
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A
female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (23 October 2009):
This guy has treated you like shit and you need to draw the line NOW! I would have been out of there like a shot as soon as soon as he tried to dictate how I should dress.
This guy is not going to change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): You really need to let him go. You seem like a great person, and you can do much better than that. That's verbal abuse and is paramount to physical abuse I think. Your life would be much better without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Hun I am so sorry.... he has no trust in you and does not take you for your word. Maybe relationships he has been in before the women have cheated on him so he believes every women will. I would draw the line there sweety...he is being an a** he has no right to acuse you of cheating if you did nothing.I would say F*** him he does not deserve you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): You need to draw the line now. No one woman needs to be treated in this way. If you wear dresses because they are your favorite. Then they must make you feel beatuiful. If someone who claims to love you cant accept that and critisizes and accuses you for everything, he doesnt deserve you. you are a strong woman. You have a job and a place to go in this world. If you stay with him, he will run your life. I know, I was in an abusive relationship for years. The end result was my ex husband hitting me, and going to jail. Leave now Love, while you can. Dont let it go too far.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Hun I am so sorry.... he has no trust in you and does not take you for your word. Maybe relationships he has been in before the women have cheated on him so he believes every women will. I would draw the line there sweety...he is being an ass
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): I would have drawn the line ages ago to behonest, two years ago, as soon as it started
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