A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:First off, I want to apologize for the length of this question.I was in a 2 year relationship that ended in December because he decided he wanted to be with someone else. I was in a depression for close to 2 months and anytime I tried moving on, it felt so wrong. I was engaged to this guy and we had our wedding plans and everything so it was a horrible break up. Well, one day I was on facebook and sent this guy a request that I've known for about 6 years but never had too much contact with. I had a crush on him back then but never thought anything of it. We started chatting on facebook then the phone...and he always hinted that he wanted to be with me. He asked me out about a month ago and I said yes because while we talked, we found out we had a lot in common and that we both had just gotten over a horrible break up.I've fallen for him so much and he tells me all the time that he's falling in love with me and wants me to be the last girl in his life. Talks about marriage and everything. I have to admit, I do love him and I'm starting to feel the way he feels about not ever wanting to be with anyone else.I've never been the type of girl to be in a relationship for a short amount of time. I've only had one boyfriend before him which was the guy who broke up with me. I love him but at the same time, it feels weird because I always told myself I could never love anyone else the way I loved my ex. So, what I'm asking is...are my feelings right? I mean, is there really a such thing as a second chance at love and could he mean everything he says?
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female
reader, GoGreen126 +, writes (24 March 2011):
Age 18-22 can be truly formative years in one's life, especially if one goes to college. Speaking from what I learned from my parents, don't marry before that. People change so much in those years. Just enjoy the relationship and get serious later.
If you don't, you may grow apart, and then you'll be 20 and in marriage counseling. That'd... Suck.
I know what it's like to be in the throes of teenage love (I'm 17), and I know the difference between first love and subsequent love. I know that you can picture that wedding and that future. Just, please don't act on it too soon. Let yourself be a kid first.
Your feelings aren't wrong - you're lucky to have moved on to a great guy. Only tine will tell if he's still so great in 10 years, though...
GG
A
female
reader, jesi_bear +, writes (24 March 2011):
 I could tell by the beginning of the third paragraph what I was going to say. I, too, dont date short term. I have had one long boyfriend and he broke up with me on our 14 months. It sucks, but I got over it. What you are feeling right now, after only a month or so, is what I call 'leftover love'. You were with this guy before for a long time and all that jazz. Well, you are just getting to know this guy again and you are calling it love. It is the way you are used to. You are used to being in love with your ex and you want to experience it again, but you need to slow down. Alot. Get to know this guy through and through before you call it love. What I am talking about is different from the 'honeymoon phase' because you are talking about marriage whereas in the HP you would be all cute and lovey dovey but not marriage. So my advice is to just take this slow and really build on ya'll's relationship before talking love and marriage. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that this thing you got going does turn into love after awhile.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Don't be in too much of a rush to find love. You are young. You need to be enjoying life and experiences. Build a career or develop interests that will take you through life. Some people will have a number of relationships they call love, sometimes they last but sometimes they don't. You don't get just one chance or even two. Stop and think - people who have a well rounded and grounded life are much better equipped to deal with real love and relationships when they come.
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A
female
reader, LInda E Cole  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Hello,of course there are second chances with love. Often third fourth fifth... We all have a special journey in this life and I have found the more you try to over analyze relationships the harder they become to deal with. I agree with yomama65 when she warns you about rebound love as it is true that after a long-term relationship you are very vulnerable. You will be missing having someone to come home to every day and share your life with along with the sadness of a lost love. Just be kind to yourself and enjoy what is happening right now. You are 17 and only at the beginning of the rest of your life.The good news is that unlike a lot of people your age you know what you want so try to relax and let the wheels of love roll on.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (23 March 2011):
First of all, your feelings are right in my opinion. Things have changed and so he "changed his mind" about marrying you and loving you so much. He no longer feels the way he used to about you, and you should not feel bad about not feeling the same way either.You are just 16-17 right? Still in highschool, do not take anyone around your age that seriosuly, I know you have imagined your life with him and the rest of the fairy tale, but reality is different and teenagers (I'm just 18 myself so I'm part of all this) are inmature and haven't grown up all the way, so as they grow up they change and so does the way they see everything. As a result he might no longer feel the way he used to about you and felt like moving on. You can only thank him for his honesty and make him part of your past. Look forward and move on, and allow yourself to love this 2nd boyfriend.But don't make the same mistake again. Don't fall too much for his words, I am not saying he is not telling the truth, but be honest about it: you two are still too young to marry, there are other things you should think of doing with him. For now he is just your boyfriend who you love a lot but you should not discuss marriage again. You did it last time and it did not exactly end that well. He might mean all he says but only time and his actions will tell if things turn out that way.Always hope for the best but if things go wrong or you feel that he is not the guy for you, feel free to move on.
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male
reader, Heisenberg +, writes (23 March 2011):
You're still pretty young to be making life-long plans with anyone. I wouldn't get too hung up on the relationships early in your life.
So yes, your feelings are natural, albeit a bit misplaced, I would recommend just enjoying the relationship without putting too much many expectations and undue stress on it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): To answer your first question, I don't think there are such things as "right" or "wrong" feelings - you feel the way you feel and that's normal. Your ex was your first love so that's probably why you feel you can't love anyone else as much as you loved him. Also, you were engaged to him and that's a big deal, so it's going to take you a while to deal with the break up and love that deeply again.Personally I don't believe in limited chances when it comes to love. I think some people get it right the first time but for the majority of us it'll probably take a few wrong guys and bad break ups to find our soulmate. You may fall in love with all your boyfriends or you might not fall in love until you meet the one you marry. Honey there are always second chances, and this guy sounds great. You're only 16, 17 yrs old. You don't need to rush into marriage, especially if you're not absolutely sure that both of you are ready. Remember, it was your ex who left you, you should not feel bad about trying to move on or falling for other guys. You deserve a guy who loves you as much as you love him. I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, yomama65 +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Hi! Well, in reply to your question, yes, I do believe there are second chances at love. But, my concern for both of you is that you both very well may be in rebound mode, as you have both recently ended long-term relationships. I would advise you to slow things down a bit, hang out, get to know each other, but don't rush into anything too quickly. Rebound relationships don't usually last. They are usually a temporary distraction from the pain of a past break-up. If this relationship has potential, and it very well may, just spend some time getting to know each other and have some fun. But don't jump on the commitment train just yet. Give yourself some time to heal and really find out if this guy is someone you could really see yourself with long-term. Best of luck to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Of course there's a second chance at love; I'm currently experiencing it. I had a 3.5 year relationship with an abusive guy and now I'm with a wonderful man whom I don't think I could live without! It's hard but as time goes on, the heart heals itself and you can let someone else in.
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