A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After getting my heart broken about a year and a half ago. Am I naïve to still believe in chivalry and fidelity? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (28 December 2010):
 It's no so much that chivalry and fidelity are dead as just that many people have a lot of trouble figuring out what they want. Mature people will be stable and immature people will be fickle. This has always been the case and there are still plenty of mature people around (though finding them can be tough).
As for chivalry, if you mean opening doors or pulling out chairs, so many women these days get offended and angry about such gestures that men are often afraid to even try them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Chivalry died with equality. Hold your own door.
Fidelity... hmmm.. thats a tougher one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): I may have a completely skewed sense of reality, but I believe that Chivalry and fidelity are alive and well... men have adapted to being scoundrels for many reasons and a majority have bought into strange ideas sexually and spiritually. I have never walked up to a door without a man opening it for me. I have always been treated like a lady... because I am a lady. I read about all sorts of really twisted sexual stuff on this board and it is so disturbing. When I write about morality I'm usually trashed by the guys... especially if I start on the porn subject... which (in my opinion) has been the biggest cancer in men... at least the one's who have allowed it to happen to them.I have always had car doors opened for me, umbrellas held over my head, helped out of a car, heavy things carried for me... I have found many men who jump at the chance to be a gentleman. The gentleman is the only one who has ever got my attention... I never rewarded a scumbag with sex, I can tell you that.I remember... when I was dating... I was very, very pretty and very much the lady... I attracted mostly self confident playboy types. However, what always amazed me was how well mannered they were when it came to me. They would call every day, send flowers, take me to dinner and plays... really go out of their way. The same guy may have been someone's worst nightmare... but because I was a lady it was as if they became more gentle...Even the toughest guy became like a kitten. Sweet and tender. Kind. Considerate...I think that men will behave in ways that mirror you... I remember going grocery shopping right after work one day... and the tallest, muscular... long haired motorcycle truck driver type came up to me. He told me that he found it so refreshing to see a lady... that there are so few... and that I made his day.The scariest guy on the planet... a kitten.I think men will treat a woman according to what she demands insofar as respect is concerned.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Fidelity is tough to get, but it's still expected and admired. You just have to find the right guy - often, the most faithful guys are the ones who take a while to become attractive to women, so give the boring nice guys a chance.
Chivalry is long dead. The main cause has not been feminism, or the anger at sexist displays of male protectiveness, or our increasingly crass culture. The main cause is, like many things, sex. Simply put, the guys with the most visibily successful sex lives display very little chivalry or fidelity, and the less naturally attractive guys have taken note.
Now, whether or not the guys mentioned above actually have the best sex lives is up for debate, but perception is every bit as important as reality. Every guy can tell a story about when they were chivalrous to a girl who then put them in the friend-zone, and every guy can name a player who treated women like dirt and had a visibly successful sex life. That kind of perception can only go on so long before the majority of guys begin treating women like dirt. Nothing happens in a vacuum - every time a woman sleeps with a guy who treated her like dirt, and he brags to his nice-guy friends, chivalry dies a little.
There will always be holdouts, old-fashioned guys who refuse to adapt to the age. But they're in the minority.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 December 2010):
 They are still alive, but often I get the feeling that many women don't want chivalry anymore. Many "chivalrous" actions are considered "sexist" by some women. As such, many men have become cautious about opening doors, pulling out chairs, standing up for their woman... In most cases I would venture it's because they did it at some time and the woman they were with was offended. It's happened to a lot of us. Personally, I'll make the effort until I'm told not to. Some women get really offended by that stuff, but most also realize you're just trying to be polite.
Fidelity seems to be dead sometimes, but I assure you it isn't either. It's easy to feel it's gone because of all the cheaters/players out there. Remember, drama makes headlines, but the majority of people living quiet happy lives are the true examples in my book.
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A
male
reader, lawyerbait +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Fidelity and Chivalry are still alive and well... in our collective imagination. One tends to think of the knights of the round table, but recall it was Sir Lancelot who fell in love with King Arthur's wife and caused her unfaithfulness. Having an affair with your best friend's wife is hardly considered chivalrous, either!People living in modern times can still be honest and faithful to one another, but it seems to be a rare trait. So treasure the friends you make who are honest, surround yourself with good people, and with luck you'll eventually meet a partner who will be true (for a while at least).I've had my heart broken so many times, yet the human psyche is resilient: I still wish to find a love to call my own. Someone ought to write a song about that feeling :-)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Certainly not!! They're very much alive...and there are men out there who are gentlemen and who know how to treat a lady like one. You've had your heart broken and that's why you're feeling disillusioned. But trust me, you will find someone who will be chivalrous, who will be true to you, love you, respect you and honor you, for who you are. Till then, please dont lose heart. The world is not that bad a place after all!!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 I hope not but, you are not alone in this. I have wondered similar things. Sometimes I think myself old fashioned, I like being the gentleman that a woman can confide in or seek warmth from but nobody seems to like that nowadays. I do not know whether or not it is my age or just the place I live in but nobody seems to accept that sort of thing anymore, all the girls head towards the ones that would hurt them too willingly, the ones that amount to almost spiritual nothingness or intellectual worthlessness.
To me chivalry and fidelity are not just myths of age. It is not long-dead fad, I like to believe it is very much alive in some. In fact I know of a few people like me who enjoy being the 'good guys', I guess we both just need to be patient. You will find someone one day, just keep searching.
I hope that helps.
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