A
female
age
41-50,
*weetindianGirl
writes:I am in love with my ex still, its been 3 months till our horrible break up and well, he called me (i was strong) and he said he wanted to work things out, things were okay and kinda flirty, but if hes working things out or trying to work things out shouldnt he CALL or text! i get nothing! yesterday in a week he didnt call so i decided I'll text him and i said are you busy at work?! so he called me in the evening and said call me back im going to sleep, I called him back and he didnt pick up, idk if he didnt pick up bc he was out or bc he fell asleep but i got sad, I dont feel the way i used to much, like i feel sad you know? The reality is that i love him but he hurt me a lot. i want things to work but i feel instead of HIM TRYING i am trying when HE was the one who came back!!! i dont even know if he is wanting me back the way he did... i was wondering to ask you if is what im doing with this babysteps thing right? is he even serious on 'trying to make shit work'? im trying to keep my options open but i dont want to be an option...... i dont want him to be the 'other' guy or me be the 'other' girl, i hope he isnt wanting closure out of this, bc i sure as hell will feel silly goos!!!!
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female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (1 November 2010):
SweetindianGirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI clled him and I said hey HIM this isnt working for me he said he had a logn day n called me pookie n shit, I tld him look I don’t lik ebeing worried like I was today and one thing I need from you is honesty. He goes who do u think imw ith? What do u think im doing? I said I don’t know? I don’t ask you? He goes you can call me, I said I don’t want to bother you because id ont know who youre with!
The thing was that he didn’t call all day and m-Friday hes good btu then weekend came and hes alls orts of disappeared. He said to me “we are rolling with it” and “trying” to see if this gets anywhere. I said look HIM im not int his too be youfreind and idk what your intentions are but I expect something out of this. I dotn want ot waste my time or yours or lead you on or hurt you or vise versa. And he goes okay? I said well what do you want? He said I call you don’t i? I said look if im making an effort id like you to make one too and he said I am making an effort I said I know babe but id like for you to try it my way like how I try it your way without you evenasking (like texting bac calling etc) an he said NO. that hurt my feelings…And he goes we will talka botu this tomorrow so I said no id like to talk about it now. He said to me that we are just talking and we cant dive right into this and this behavior isn’t right. I said excuse me I don’t appreciate you talking to me this way because I have been patient and the most sincere. And I said we are going slow and I do like it and I want to know where this is headed because if we aren’t on the same path I cant do this. And he said okay. then I said I need to know if youre meeting others or keeping your options open? Then I asked him how would you feel if I talked to you and then had dinner with some guy? He goes that’s not very nice is it. he was very cranky and
he said well talk tomorrow baby I said look HIM, I just missed you and I dotn want to feel this way again, and he goes what way? I said like runner up? like not knowing what youre doing or whom your with or if youre even okay? he goes look its nto going to be like before right away. Like idk wtf he wants 2 b honest, he said hell cal me tomorrow afternoon but it old him I don’t wanan talka bout this and he said okay, but I know itll come up bc I know me! He said I miss you pookie like he wanted to get off the phone idk im not feeling so good it hink I fucked it up but I cant keep “rolling” with this flow without knowing wtf is coming out of it.
Anyway so he fell asleep and I told him I lve u ubut I whispered it id ont think he heard me but I dotn like feeling this way I was better off without him dude!!! But I realized I do love him and itll be hard to let go! But its nto as bad as the first time, I am just scared he wants to go with this fucking flow and he doesn’t wanan really stamp us, like how long can we possibly go with the flow for??! I cant caually meet him for idnner or makeout sessions its annoying. hes a prick and ir ealized it but u know what i cant blame him totally, i liked him at one point!!! he called me this mornign but i did not pick up! i asked him nicely to call me in the morning he said no, and said hell call me in the afternooN! i guess his dumbself was free and called in morning but i was getting my beauty rest :D
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I can already tell there is a lot of potential emotion that could involved here if things proceeded. Whether that emotion can brings up or down, to me its a risk when I feel high emotions therefore I stay away from relationships like that simply cause of the risk. The mental health instability risk that is. Please be careful here miss as I do sense your frustration. Perhaps it might be a good idea to re evaluate things here. Best to you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): your boyfriend isnt putting any effort. you should try talking to him calmly and tell him how you feel.if he does the same stuff and doesnt improve then you should definately end it. it takes 2 in order to make a relationship work. he needs to put his part in it. and you shouldnt have to take babysteps becuz you already know him and 3 months isnt all that much of time. the fact that he hurt you means he should be trying even more to please you and earn your trust again not do the opposite. a relationship needs a lot communication and he's not doing his part. your his girlfriend now once again not just some girl he talks to every once in a while. hope you make the best decision.
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A
male
reader, lowercaseq +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I think he is having second thoughts. but is fighting amongst them . so yes. take baby steps . and just let him know you still care. but give him a little space as well
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A
female
reader, kbdd +, writes (1 November 2010):
 your thinking way to hard in it. I dont know the reason yall broke up. But he said he wants to make things work out. You cant rush it. If yall had barely any communication before itll be a while. But its not just you and just because he wants you back unless he knows you want him back he probably just want s you to show after that dont push it let it ride. Or you could go the way of just a simple text in the am to let him know you care. make it short, sweet and simple. dont do it everyday but maybe every other after he starts grasping on. Try not to hole on the conversation so itll bring him begging.. Im not saying thats good, but thats what you want.
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A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (1 November 2010):
I'm going to be honest with you here... if the break-up was his fault & it sounds to me like it was, if he really wanted to work things out, you would know it... he would be calling and apologizing and you would be seeing each other instead of you sitting here wondering why he's not calling you. I've had a lot of experience with this, enough to know that if a man is serious about being with you, then he will DO SOMETHING about it. I had a guy (ex-fiance) come back after 3 f'ing years telling me what a loser he was for letting me go, that the whole break up was his fault and I was the girl of his dreams.. begging me to marry him, he totally had to let go of all his pride to do that & that's respectable, but by then it was TOO late. The harsh reality is that they usually never come back while the bed is still warm. Which leads me to wonder, why is that guys?? Why do you only realize what you had after the girl has already moved on? I wasted months and months of my life(i couldn't help it) wishing he would tell me what he waited 3 years to say - and by then it didn't matter.
Sounds to me like he is making you an option and you are letting your emotions get the best of you... trust me, I know because I have done it.. even recently. Be strong and kick him to the curb and if he really loves you and it's meant to be, he'll come begging. Guys always want what they can't have. I know it's easier said than done, but be strong and don't make the mistakes I have made. Cut contact and make him BEG... only then will you know that he means what he is saying.
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