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female
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anonymous
writes: Why did i have to start dating a married man! It's been almost a year now, he's in his late 30s and says that, even though he loves me, he won't leave his wife because they have been together since she was 16 and they have children together and so his life is already mapped out but...i can see that he isn't happy with her (initially because he's with me). Is there anyway of knowing that he might even be considering leaving her??? just so i can put it behind me if it's never going to happenlondon lover
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): the only thing that i see wrong with all these situations is that OMG if you like a married man the first thing you do is jump in to bed with him.... big mistake! you cant get the man confortable to having you as the other one that just satisfies his needs and honestlt woman i believe and know that if you think a man of any kind married, divorced, single or what ever you shouldnt do absolutely nothing intimate with the man until he is completely crazy inlove with you....us as women need to learn that the only way that we can achieve getting a man to love us and belonging only to us is to make them want us more .... by being the inteligent woman that we are ,,,,and giving ourselves the respect that we deserve......and make them fall so madly inlove with us that they cant dream think or breath with out us........ok and not until then we dont give up or give in to anything trust me ladies i know caz thats how my parents got together with my dad.. he was married and with two daughters and my mom being the smart woman she is didnt give in to him for anything....and he fell for her and as a result i am here writting to all of you caz i am in the same situation i am like inlove with a married man who moves the earth under my feet ....so i am in no hurry for anything and i expect nothing from him...and im not gonna give him anything until i know hes all mine...i dont share my man.....i kno whe likes me and everything but he needs to love me for me and completely and to tell you the truth he isnt getting anything from this cake until he turns himself into me falls inlove with me! and leaves her until then i feel relaxed and if too much time passes and nothing then i guess he wasnt ment for me and i will look for mr right else where... but i think this man will come through because he shows public display of attention with me and around others that know both parties hes always talking about me and always bringing me up in topics where i dont belong.... but its nice caz he writes songs thinking of me,,, and that i inspire him, and ladies with time i will make this break down ..... but paitence and inteligence is key to anymans heart,,,, and dont forget to be ladies............thank you all and god bless you all...if you want to talk to me feel free to get on my myspace page and write to me to www.myspace.com/undo_the_damage
A
female
reader, brownsugar32  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 I don't think so, i have been dating too married men for the last year, they claim they are unhappy at home, however they just the it because they have got away with it. and us dum women allow them to this. they give great things pay bills and take you out, but after it's all said and done, they go home to there wife. I have been married and cheated on by my husband. however, that's life and men are cowards.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): There is no way he will leave his wife. He isn't happy not because of his wife but because of his own selfish needs sexually.. YES, SEXUAL NEEDS! I say move on because your wasting your time with a LIAR! If he cheats on his wife you'll also be cheated on. MY DAD DID IT TO MY MOM NOW HE IS DOING TO HIS NEW WIFE!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Why would you want to be with a man with no integrity. What makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you?
Enjoy your affair.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): He is never going to leave. He is just not that into you! Don't waste your time analyzing him - its not worth it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): I am in the same boat! :) Unfurtunatelly, I don't belive that he will leave her for me. He loves sex with me but she is the mother if his soon. She is his family. Don't belive in Cinderela. Is hard for me.. .today is Friday night and I dont feel like going out. I miss him.! I am here in the computer looking for answers. What can I say? He is home with the wife! I am home alone!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Take this from a person that knows. I have been in an affair for the past 15 months, he left his wife and has been living with me all that time. Two weeks ago he decided that he needed to go home to be a dad to his 9 yr old daughter, he couldnt get his stuff from my place because "it was too painful"... more like he just wanted to eliminate me from his life. He told me that he has now told his wife he has been living with me, doesnt love her and is there for the daughter all this and she has taken it on the chin, without so much as a blow out. Lies, lies, lies and more lies. I dont believe he entirely left his wife, i believe he has been having his cake and eating it, he probably still loves her and has sex with her. Please dont go through the heartache that i am currently going through, i feel used, abused and totally taken advantage of. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and salt thrown into the wound. Get rid before it goes to the stage im at.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (1 March 2006):
 He's told you he won't? But your still looking for some little clue to Hang onto? Don't.. you are just torturing yourself. You add spice to his life...but you will never BE his life. Don't waste your time full of hope and wishes...take charge of your heart and your life and seek your dreams in a place that is not already fished out. That pond is toxic...move on.
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A
female
reader, mountainmama +, writes (22 February 2006):
I know of married people who left the spouse and stayed with the other person. However they are too few to count. It has been observed that if a married is in an affair longer than six months, he/she has no intention of leaving. In your case, therefore, I would have to say no. I was in your shoes once, and he finally said he could never leave his kid. I left him. Most marrieds never leave...they are dependent on status quo and are not about to upset the apple cart. If you want your answer, leave him. If he follows, would you still want him knowing his sexual history is a pretty big clue to his sexual future....
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A
female
reader, Listerning Angel +, writes (10 February 2006):
I think that he has answerd that for you, i really wouldn't bother being in the relationship anymore. Its not fare on the wife and children either, try find a single partner maybe you will find MR right who knows, plus you won't have to share him. There is never many cases where the husband leaves there wife. I really wouldn't be running after him, if he is so unhappy then he will have to sort it out himself. Why be with someone where its not going to lead to anything when you could have a free single guy that could you everything and a whole lot more. PLus how do you truley know that if he was to leave his wife and be with you that a few years down the line he won't do the same with another women. Look at the soaps on TV. Its made up scripts but sometimes they are quite true to life
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): It sounds like you know the answer already. Unless you have heard it from his lips, you will forever be wondering. His behaviours are telling you "no, he won't leave"...he seems focused on a future with his wife. Don't kid yourself, he loves her more than he's telling you or he would've bailed a long time ago. Accept that, dear. This is the emotional price one pays, when one makes a choice to have an affair with a married man. So many woman walk into other another woman's turf and expects him to leave his wife for her. It just doesn't work that way. His life is too wrapped up financially and emotionally, in his marriage. He may have a lot to lose if he leaves his wife. I have to ask, how could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side? Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?
This also a time when you reach inside your heart and sense of humanity and think of his wife. There is huge issue of non-respect for your fellow woman: his wife. I think us women should stick together and respect each other, which includes respecting each others marriages and commitments. She has done nothing to you. And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. But let's theorize for a minute. Would if he did leave her for you? Would you still want him? Got to remember dear, if he cheated on her with you, he'll cheat on you with someone else. After all, we're talking about a man who does not display the values like honesty, commitment, fidelity, faithfulness, trustworthiness. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place, hun. You need to focus on you and what you want, your goals in life.
When a woman feels good about herself, she selects a partner who lets her know she is valued and respected. She won't permit this person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. I think you deserve so much more, hun...start believing in yourself, so that you can move forward without this man.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 Just because he is with you doesn't mean he is unhappy with his wife. I am sorry to disallusion you but he is doing something called *having his cake AND eating it*.
He will Not leave his wife for you. You are just a convinient bit of fluff who ahs raised her skirts and enticed him. Well that is what he would tell his wife if she were ever to find out. He is actually the honest one here because he warned you he wouldn't leave her and you are the one deluding yourself that *he just might*.
I do not judge you for having this affair but I do think you are being a little niave and silly if you think this guy is going to leave a comfy family life and long standing realtionship for a *bit on the side*.
Sorry mate, but you asked and that is just the way I see it.
I wish you well in the decisions you are undoutably gonna have to make. And I hope you make the right choice and leave this toxic user behind and find someone who is free to share their life with you.
Good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 February 2006):
Just because he is with you doesn't mean he is unhappy with his wife. I am sorry to disallusion you but he is doing something called *having his cake AND eating it*.
He will Not leave his wife for you. You are just a convinient bit of fluff who ahs raised her skirts and enticed him. He is actually the honest one here because he warned you he wouldn't leave her and you are the one deluding yourself that *he just might*.
I do not judge you for having this affair but I do think you are being a little niave and silly if you think this guy is going to leave a comfy family life and long standing realtionship for a *bit on the side*.
Sorry mate, but you asked and that is just the way I see it.
I wish you well in the decisions you are undoutably gonna have to make. And I hope you make the right choice and leave this toxic user behind and find someone who is free to share their life with you.
Good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 The only person worse than him is you! People like the two of you, homewreckers, cause alot of pain. You are very selfish and seem willing to be a catalyst in the destruction of this man's family. Poor children. Even if he leaves his wife, you'll always be the reason they broke up. You should have a little more self rrespect and find you own man. Everyone deserves at least that much, even you.
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A
female
reader, charlie432 +, writes (9 February 2006):
there is no way he will leave her for you, i know it's harsh, but when I was 15 i was in the same situation. the first guy I slept with was 38, he told me he loved me and he would leave his gf of 10 years for me, he didn't he's still with her now. trust me, leave him where he is, or he will screw you over. hope you follow my advice! xxx
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (9 February 2006):
 If this married man of yours has made it clear that he wont leave his wife...then you can bet your bottom dollar that he means it.If he truely loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you then he would of left his wife by now...he hasnt promised you anything...but then why should he? His wife is doing his dirty washing...she is cooking his meals and bringing up his children...i can safely say that he is having sex with her as well,you are there to provide the excitement that is lacking in his marriage...you provide the free sex...he has the best of two worlds.Please walk away now....you deserve better then that...married men are no go areas
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 im really doubting it, how can you be with someone that already has a family and wife?, he is not just cheating on his wife but his cheating on you too. why are you wasting your time on this guy their is no future in a relationship like that?, if you want your own family and own man then his not the one, trust me get out of that relationship before you start to get hurt, once you start to get all emotional on him his probably going to leave you anyway because he does not want a long term relationship with you, he is using you. and what if you become pregnant? he would probably try and have nothing to do with you because if his wife found out she would probably leave him and he wont have his life anymore. both of you should know better, you should be ashamed of yourselfs. his not going to leave his hole life, his family for one person, i really suggest for you to move on.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (9 February 2006):
 He loves sleeping with you, and probably spending time with you too.
But, he's too weak to leave his wife and his kids because he probably loves them too.
It's never going to happen.
PS. Respect and peace to a fellow Londoner... Where you from?
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