A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a relationship with a girl and I met her in a bad point in her life when she had no one else. Basically long story short is that I did everything for her to turn her life around - got her out of the wrong crowd, beat alcoholism, let her live with me for free, found her work, bought her things she needed, helped her with her debts - everything. Things ended because I suspected she may have cheated. When it ended somehow she held me responsible. She said alot of awful lies about me and somehow try to put the blame on me. I guess even when we were together she was never the nicest to me but I always forgave her. But I can honestly say I did everything in my power for this girl to be there for her and make her happy. It hurt that she could be so cruel, vindictive, ungrateful and hateful to me when I was the only person who was there for her and did so much.Anyway so that was a year ago. Recently I found out she had a child (which of course meant she took just weeks getting over relationship....when I took months before I could function) So curiousity got the better of me about who the dad was etc and I had a look at her webpage ( I resisted doing for all this time but I guess I was more so curious about the child etc)The the dad has since left and doesnt want to know. But it doesnt make me feel better that she is bad off - in fact it makes me feel perhaps worst. I cared for her and the way she was to me drove me to a severe state with panic attacks etc. I could not function - just the principle of how she treated me and was so ungrateful and spiteful.Also I notice all the things she was doing at the time of our break up - it seems as though her life was fine and as though I never existed when my world was falling apart because of her. Just seems so unfair - that I was the only person who was ever really there for her in her life, yet all she had for me was either hate or perhaps forgetting I existed or played a part in her life.I guess part of me always hoped there was a Karma that may kick in where she would have realised how she her actions...and at least get an apology or acknowlegement of how she treated me and acknowledgement of the good I did for her. But I know life doesnt work like that....so here I am yet again while her life moves on with never a second glance or thought for me. Yeah it hurts its unfair and how people always seem to get away with being bad people and hurting others.Anyway it is so long ago and I started to move on - but I guess seeing her page (which perhaps I should never have done) has dragged up all these old hurtful emotions. Any inspirational words to help me out then guys?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 This post reminds me of another question that was asked only a few days ago, about why nice guys never finish. You're a woman, but I think the logic works.
I do commend you on your good heart. You helped a human being out of her misery and that's all right. I don't think you can be praised enough in that respect.
However, you need to look at how your relationship functioned. That is where the problem lies. She was the damaged girl, and that meant she could do anything she wanted and your role was to pamper her. If I exaggerate this a bit, you let her abuse you because she used to be a drunk. She did not appreciate your kind heart, and that is her fault; but you let her do it, and that is YOUR fault.
Mean and abusive people know they are mean and abusive, but they don't care. If they did, they wouldn't be mean and abusive. So your expecting that "karma" would make her change was, er, not the best thing to do. You can't expect fair treatment to fall from the Heavens.
If I look at this in a cynic manner, I would say that one way to look at this relationship is "I will get you out of your misery, and in exchange you will give me what I want". Things don't work like that. Your helping her was right, but your expecting things in return wasn't.
I think you should just be glad that it's over. If she got herself pregnant within weeks of leaving you, that's her problem. Why should you feel worse about it? I assume she knew what she was getting into. I suppose she's about your age, and I would expect a 30 year old woman to know what is convenient for her. Was it so difficult to use a little contraception?
I think you should now move on to a relationship where you will not only be giving, but also receiving. Get your new partner to respect you and care for you. Don't accept any abusive treatment, and don't try to "get" love in exchange for something.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): You sound very caring and she sounds quite selfish, or maybe just confused. If you gave her all this help it was your choice and you should not expect her to be grateful, just because you are so nice.
Try not to look at her webpage or have anything to do with her. That will make it easier to forget her. I say easier but these things are never easy.
Spend time with your family and friends and try not to talk about her as this will only make you feel miserable for longer. Once you change your focus it will be easier to move on.
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A
male
reader, salvation  +, writes (18 April 2008):
well i always lived by what doesnt kill you will make you stronger and if something does kill you make sure you come back and haunt it. honestly your a good person she isnt worth your pain and tears so remove anything that reminds you of her and move on.
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A
male
reader, lifecycle +, writes (18 April 2008):
You sound like a really nice guy, and I can relate to what you have been trough. I treated my ex gf like an absolute princess, I made her a stronger person, more ambitious, confident, the lot. I made her feel loved and beatiful. I even got her good job though a contact of mine. She never made me feel this way, in fact, when I went into the relationship I had 3-4 girls interested in me, and my confidence was sky high, not a care in the world. 3 years later, my confidence is shot, my appearance gets me down, and she's now dating.
Sorry to drag on, but my point here is, life is unfair. The way I look at it mate, is, we done our best, we were not at fault. We deserve to be treated well for how well we treat our partners. There is a women out there who will really appreciate all the lovely things you'll do for them, and in turn im sure will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
On a side note, her saying "sorry" or "thanks for everything" will only make you feel better for 5 minutes. You'll then start to think - if shes so greatful, how could she treat me this way? or if she's so sorry, why did she leave in the first place?
I've been there mate, im there now, all this has happened to me in the last 3 months, but we're good people, and there are good people out there for us.
Take care mate, hope i've helped even if only a little
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