A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's to hoping you guys can give me some opinions.I've never been in a serious relationship before the current one with my BF. We've been together for 9 months.Before him I always chased the guy, getting all excited if my crush talked to me, looked at me, etc. It was always this feeling of what if and so on.My current BF is an amazing person, I've never been treated so well in my life. But, I never chased him, I never had that excitement about him. Besides that, he and I get along really well, he's my best friend and I'm physically attracted to him as well. But I don't get the butterflies.My BF has this friend who I find insanely attractive. I get all excited when this guy is around and I often get this feeling of what if I could have this guy. I would never do anything to hurt my BF but these feelings I have really upset me and I don't know why I have them.Is all this normal? Am I only feeling the excitement with these other guys because they're a mystery and I don't know them? Is it the allure of 'what if?'I guess I can't figure out whether I'm in a normal, healthy relationship where it's not all about excitement and butterflies or whether my BF really is not the one, and my gut instinct has been telling me this. How will I know?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Crushes happen. They're natural, and so long as they go no further while you're in a relationship there's nothing wrong. Perhaps this is a sign that you need to put a little more effort into your relationship with your boyfriend.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Well, getting a crush is totally normal. Crushes happen! Hey, I've been happily married and dating my fella for almost 5 years now and I just got a crush not too long ago. Yes, at first there was some guilt... but then I had to turn around and be my own Agony Aunt. Listen to my own advice. The thing is, actions speak a lot louder than words - yes, it's a cliché, but it's true. If you love your boyfriend and you are completely committed to him, you have no reason to feel like you're doing something horrible and wrong. Your body and brain is just reacting to someone that you find attractive. With my crush? I knew that my fella was perfect for me, and that this guy would maybe be fun to have those butterflies with for a day or two, but wouldn't measure up to years of comfort, smiles and love with my guy.
Now let me ask you something. You say you don't feel the butterflies with your fella... did you ever? It seems like he's a pretty great catch, and your best friend. That counts for a lot in a great relationship. Now this is a bit personal but... do you guys have good sexual chemistry? Because that's the last piece of the puzzle. Those butterflies eventually fade in every relationship. They fade into this feeling of warmth and security.
If your heart is really, really telling you that you're just not attracted to your boyfriend anymore and that you'd much rather be a single girl, listen to it. Maybe it's time to end this relationship. Maybe it's just not the right one for you. But, it's important to recognize that even in the best relationships, a crush can still pop up out of nowhere. It just all comes down to how committed you are to your fella, how much you love him and how you end up handling yourself with the crush. A crush comes and goes. Your biggest problem is that you have to be around this guy. But, if you keep your mind and actions in check, I think you'll be okay. If you're around this guy, look at your fella and make a mental list of all the reasons why he's so fantastic and why you're so crazy about him. Start to look at your boyfriend the way you did when you first got excited about him.
Good luck, sweet thing!!
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A
male
reader, joe26  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 this world is not quite perfect...it seems your bf is a nice guy, he loves and care about you thats more importent being in the relationship. But, as you said you aren't attracted to him but another guy. well, it could be a fantasy? if you love your bf or you don't want to jeorpardise your relationship, you need work on a bit, just stop thinking about this new guy...focus on your current relationship.
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