A
male
age
36-40,
*iket389
writes:Is there something wrong with me? Has this really changed me? I was in a bad relationship where I was lied and cheated on. I forgave her and it just never got better. Things ended kind of with occasional relapses in hanging out. I absolutely was in love with this girl so bad that it hurt. I did what I had to do and started to feel better I've found someone else that is absolutely amazing beautiful, good girl and has 100% of my trust. No games at all. It's been only 2 months seeing her. Lately I've been just so upset because I can't stop thinking about the bad girl. I'm afraid its going to affect things with the new girl. It is already for me. She's awesome but I find myself not being able to like her as much as the bad girl, and I don't know why! It really hurts I keep lingering on the bad girl and wondering why it never worked. I can't help my feelings and I don't know what to do. It's like I got so used to being used and treated like crap that is what I look for now. Please help me! I thought I was going to be happy and right now I don't feel any better. Why? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (7 October 2009):
 You don't have to give girlfriend #2 the store just yet. Just give her a chance. I think enjoying her company, being there for her, and eventually opening up to her -- all that gives her the chance to prove to you that she's not like the first girlfriend that abused you.
A
male
reader, Miket389 +, writes (7 October 2009):
Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm Just So afraid because this has hurt me worse than anything really that i won't let myself do it again... Its like im unconciously finding reasons not to like this new girl... im trying to just enjoy her company i am but the other one just is there in the back of my head and i don't like it at all...
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (6 October 2009):
The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is think of girlfriend #1 as a complete and total stranger in your life. Obviously she was not what you wanted or looked for and its clear she was no the one for you.
Girlfriend #2 seems to be a nice person to enjoy time with, and if you give her a clear chance, forget about girlfriend #1, you might just find she's a lot better than you think right now.
Just saying you want to be single in order to avoid the pain from the first relationship by avoiding the second one, isn't going to make you happy. It will make you worse.
Let your new girlfriend be herself, and let yourself go some and just open yourself up to her. She may or may not be the right one for you, but you'll never know unless you give her a fair chance and be fair to her. That's all.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Just because someone SEEMS to match our ideal, doesn't mean they are the one.
It takes time to grieve over lost loves; there is not specific time frame that works for everyone. You are in love with the girl you THOUGHT you had. In time, you will assimilate the knowledge that she was never that person.
In the meantime, be in less of a rush to find lasting love. You are 22 - 25 years old. Your woman is out there, but you may not meet her for a few years.
Do not give Girl #2 false hopes. Do not confess feelings you don't honestly feel deep down. Continue to enjoy her company (if you do enjoy it), but do not force yourself to behave the way you think you should be behaving. Just “go with the flow”. Your heart knows she is not the one. Stop fighting your instinct. There is nothing wrong with you.
;-)
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A
male
reader, Miket389 +, writes (6 October 2009):
Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDeep Down i do know im not over her... i guess i just don't know why.. how can you love someone who does just mean things and has no regaurd for you at all? I don't want to ruin anything with this new girl.. were not technically dating but i just find myself losing interest because im not over the other girl and i don't want that.. i was single for a long time before the first girl and wanted a gf... now after her its like i should be single again.. but this new girl is what ive been looking for all along and its why don't i have strong feelings for her yet? i don't get it...
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (5 October 2009):
The "bad girl" represents your past. The "good girl" represents your future.
Try and focus on your new girlfriend. Is she in anyway aware of the past issues with the "bad girl"?
Perhaps as you get more acquainted with your new girlfriend, and as you build even more trust with her, and find acceptance with her, you can tell her about your feelings at least enough so that she can help you.
It seems right now, you're too focused on the "bad girl" who treated you and mistreated you so badly. You have a new girl, there are not trust issues; and it seems like she cares about you from what you've written so far.
If you give her the real chance at your heart and your life, you'll find you are much better off. Simply stated, put the old girl in the past and stick with the new one. From everything stated so far, she sounds like a real keeper. And if she truly does care for you and actually loves you, if you're open to her, she will quickly help you get over the "bad girl" who messed up your heart and your life.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 hi, how long is it since you stopped seeing bad girl? Sounds like you're still doing your wound licking while seeing this new girl.
If you're still really upset then you shouldn't be dating anyone seriously. Its not fair on your new lady friend.
These things take time good luck
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (5 October 2009):
 It seems like you are still trying to get over the first girl. You said that you were in love with her so much that it hurt. I don't think you are purposely looking for a hurtful relationship, I think you just need to get over her. Just keep remind yourself what she did to you and why you are with this new girl.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (5 October 2009):
I doubt you need to be mistreated to be happy. It is most likely you still aren't 100% over girl #1. Two months is not enough time to have a full emotionally intimate relationship with girl #2.
You are still in the discovery phase. Continue to get to know her and don't put any pressure on either her, or you. We don't love all of our lovers to the same degree. Girl #2 may not be Ms, Right, but maybe she's Ms. RightNow. That's perfectly alright, too.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 October 2009):
Focus on getting to know the next girl before you do anything so it gives you a chance to see what she's like. Also, if you're feeling this lkow about yourself, have you thought about talking to someone so you understand how you feel? You also need to give yourself time to get over her. Not easy, but if you keep busy, focus on all that was bad and continue to socialize, you'll feel yourself starting to move foward. Good luck,.
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