A
female
age
41-50,
*aula-d
writes:I seperated from my partner and father of my three children 14 months ago life has been pretty hard as when we first seperated i found out that i was pregnant with my third child he gave me no support during this time. A week after i gave birth he told me that he had met someone else and didnt love me anymore, now he has a drink and drug problem and i have stopped the kids going to see him until he sorts out his priorities. his family think im wrong in what im doing. i feel pretty confused and dont no what to do about him and this situation. Please help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): if he wants to see his kids i think you should tell him to straighten up and go to court and be prepared to fight for them as it is too dangerous to let them go near him at the moment i think you should go to curt cuz at the end of the day he s the dad but first he needs to start acting like one
A
female
reader, SweetVixen40  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I understand how difficult this is for you and especially for the children. Maybe you could set up supervised visits between him & the kids, with either you or another responsible adult there the whole time to keep a close eye on what goes on? That way you'll know the kids are ok. Lots of luck to you & the little ones.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (29 July 2007):
Possibly a compromise would be assisted visits but initially I think you are right in denying access if there are drinks and drugs involved. If there is any incentive to get off this stuff once and for all it is this. You are denying him access through concerns for the safety of your children, not through spite. In saying this you will eventually be seen by your ex-husband as acting very responsibily if he manages to get clear and clean from it. If he consistently fails to see this then the substance abuse obviously will remain the most important thing to him and quite frankly your children do not need to bear witness to this.
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (29 July 2007):
 One of the most beautiful facets of human nature is the love that mothers have for their kids- of course you are absolutely right in my opinion by not letting them see their dad if he.s in that state- it's dangerous. is there a compromise ? for example can you arrange a neutral venue for them to meet where you know he'd be straight? his or your parents place for example? i'm 200 per cent behind you on this- if he truly cares he should make the effort. hope that helps and best of luck!
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A
female
reader, loops +, writes (29 July 2007):
I'm a 20 year old who as a child my dad had a slight problem with alcohol and trust me it wasnt pretty to be around him.
I think youve made the informed choice, you have give him the option to clean up his act and if he doesnt your well within your rights to carry on keeping the kids out of his way.
Speak to your children and explain to them the situation without defiling his carachter, something along the lines of Daddy is finding life tough at the moment and I dont think its something you both should see as he needs time to help himself, allow them to communicate via phone calls or whatever means but I do agree with your choice, if he has a drink anddrugs problem he shouldnt be around children.
Good luck
Loops
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A
female
reader, angel-kate +, writes (29 July 2007):
 i think you have done the right ny stopping him see the childern untill he sorts himself out. you dont want the childern growing up thinking its ok to do drugs just because their father is.
hes not being a very good role model is he?!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): I know some one who's had the same problem and I think this would hurt the kids to be honest with you, I know what you mean with not wanting some one who does drugs and drinks around your kids but I think you should let him see them even if your there with him for a cup of coffee visit you know? the little stuff you know? maybe let him take the kids some where with you, so they don't have to be alone with him, but just remember how your kids would feel about this though. I hope this helps good luck hun =)
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A
female
reader, Ladyme  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 I think your decision is very sensible! Its only fair that he sorts himself out before you let the kids see him. Im only 16, but if i had a dad that had problems with drugs i would thank my mum for bein sensible enough to choose that decision. Also if its clear to him that he can't see the kids until he sorts himself out then it might give him the motivation he needs to sort it out.
Hope this helps xxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, angel-kate +, writes (29 July 2007):
i think you made a brave and wise desision to stop your childern seeing him. he is setting them a very bad example! you dont want you childern growing up thinking its ok to take drugs, just because their father is!
if your childern ask to see their dad, then phone him up and remind him that the childern want to see him, so if he wants to be in their life sort it out.
hope the childern do see their dad again!
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