A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,So i've been seeing this guy but not for that long. We've hung out briefly and last night he took me out on an official date. After dinner we left and went to a park to check out the view and went back to the car. He kept asking if I wanted to go back to his place but I felt kinda uncomfortable doing that so I said another time. He then asked if I'd give him head and thats when I really felt upset. I feel like I don't know this guy and hes already asking me for oral sex? Its not only that but I hate having to be asked for that kind of stuff... i'm not opposed to it but when I like the person enough and it feels natural then sure I will... it just seems wrong being forced into it. I paused after he asked me that and said uhm, i dont know about that right now but he still asked.. "please?". I felt really irritated and i immediately got annoyed and wasn't into it anymore. I feel like i run into this problem constantly with guys.. I'll hardly know them and they'll start asking for sexual favors right off the bat so I end up denying them because it doesn't feel right. Am I wrong for being this way?
View related questions:
oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Wow! What a loser. What more do I need to say?
Good Luck!
Jeff
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (11 March 2012):
Wow! What a loser. What more do I need to say?
Good Luck!
Jeff
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 Of course your not wrong, these guys are sleeze balls. If you have sex with them or give them head, I bet you never see them again. Because they ask everyone for sex, they are probably diseased, you have no idea where that prick has been.Decent guys don't act like this. You go out on a date, and maybe if you like them and they like you, maybe you kiss, maybe you might make out a bit and fumble, but you keep your knickers on and they keep their trousers on.. "Hi, that we had a nice time, now get on your knees and suck me off... please, please, plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"... that doesn't sound romantic or sexy to me, that sounds sleezy and makes me want to throw up my dinner.Guys that ask for sex straight away, guys that beg and plead like a baby, are guys you dump and never call back. Don't feel guilty, he doesn't, he'll just go and find some silly girl who will fall for such nonsense. You don't have to give sexual favours in payment for dinner, and you don't owe sleezy guy's nothing, you did him a favour by giving him your time.Yukkk!!! Nasty!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 March 2012):
Please never feel wrong about turning people down for sex. Only a hooker would feel bad about that because she makes a living that way. This guy was not dating you, he was hoping you were an easy lay. Turns out you're not. Good for you OP! Keep it up and in the future, don't doubt yourself!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2012):
 Ewww that guy wouldn't get a second date for sure!
No, you did what was right for you. What a sleazebag!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 You're not wrong. You've just been unfortunate enough to date a lot of sex-focused perverts. These guys weren't interested in a relationship, they just wanted sex... Otherwise they wouldn't have constantly asked for it. Oh, and asking you to come back to his place = him asking for sex.
Please, this guy was a loser. Don't drop to that level, just call it a night, say thanks for the date, and don't go on dates with him again.
I've encountered this sort of man myself, what woman hasn't. Just tell him no and don't see him again. Keep looking for the guy who actually takes you seriously, and isn't only looking for sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): That's just plain silly. Poor manners. You should tell him: you go first. And see his reaction. Did he even considered of pleasuring you also? I can't believe you actually run into guys like that often. Where do u find them? It's not your fault by any means, it's just it never happened to me , so I was just wondering
...............................
A
male
reader, thebaldsoprano +, writes (9 March 2012):
This one's really easy - it was definitely in poor taste, and very crass for him ask you for that on a first date (and in a semi-public space, no less).
Definitely dump the guy, and ONLY if he isn't a violent creep, maybe consider giving him an explanation (so he has a chance to learn). But really, you don't even owe him that.
BTW, the *only* legit, classy way for a guy to "ask" for oral service is to perform the same on his partner, which of course he should be doing anyway, for its own sake and without any (immediate) need for reciprocation (and the woman doesn't even need to reciprocate the first couple of times, in my view).
It's only if it's a chronic / repeated one-side issue that the guy should ever have to bring up the subject, and even then he should be tactful, given the fact that a lot of woman have had plenty of unpleasant experiences around this subject (not to mention the amount of rampant miseducation going around, together with more justified concerns about STDs).
But again, definitely dump the guy. On the first date, he should be (deliriously) happy just to spend exclusive time with you, and maybe make out for a bit at toward the end (or not).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): No you are not wrong. Don't date men like this- I know sometimes it may be hard to tell for sure, but if all the men you date are doing things like this you're with the wrong men. You need to revise both your selection of men and how you're attracting them maybe. Any man who asks you for oral sex or any kind of sex on your first date is a creep and is only looking for sex, not a relationship. He is even more of a loser since he sat there and "begged" for it after you said no thus trying to pressure you into it. In his opinion apparently you're there to fulfill his sexual needs because he took you out once and that was all he was interested in. He has no tact, or respect for you. I hope you've given him the boot for good.
Sex, imo, is something that should happen naturally when you have taken the time to get to know someone, for the most part, many men and women will not rush into sex if they want a lasting relationship with someone, not to say that it never happens but this is a good general rule to follow. When men ask you for sexual favors that is usually all they want from you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Most of us guys are savvy enough to keep you "on the hook" for 3 or 4 dates before we ask you do give us the hum. This guy is 'way too quick to ask you to pleasure him.... so YOU are OK to tell him to take a hike....
Hopefully, he will learn from this incident, and - next time he gets a girl to that position - he will be more patient....
Good luck to you... that you find a more-patient guy, next time....
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 No, you are not wrong. And if all the guys you go out with ,end up asking you for oral sex on the first date, I suggest that you start hanging out with a different crowd, or drastically adjust your selection criteria in terms of men.
I could understand if it would happen by being caught up in the moment... because the atmosphere turned unexpectely torrid and passionate etc. etc.. but, just " Hey, would you give me head before you go home ? Please ? "... oh my. How romantic. What a charmer.
...............................
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Yuck. Sorry about your luck, girlfriend!
No, you are definitely not wrong for being that way. You are not some object to be used for pleasure by whichever guy has taken you out that night. That is actually really disgusting that he would ask for head, and say "please?" when you said no.
Trust me, there are decent and caring guys out there and they will not be asking you for head on the first date! Or the second, or the third. They will wait until you are ready, or at least communicate with you better than begging you for sex.
So please stay the way you are, because it is the guys in these situations that are wrong, NOT YOU!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): I think you should dump that guy. He doesn't deserve a girl like that. And no, you're not wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 March 2012):
 He's scummy... asking for sex from you on a first date.
I hope there won't be a second date....
YOU are NOT wrong... if they have to ASK then it 's too early.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Nope. You should never do something sexually that you're not comfortable with right at that moment... even if you have done it before in the past. This guy is a jerk and a tool for trying to pressure you into it, ESPECIALLY on your first date! At least his actions have given you the heads up that sex is all he's after, and luckily for you, you were able to find that out *before* you slept with him, he got what he wanted, and left you for the next girl. Stay far away from this guy... he's bad news.
Good luck :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Of course not! Guys will take it as far as you allow them to. And obviously this guy only wants a sexual casual relationship because a guy that truly cares for you won't put you in that situation. He will wait until you are both ready. Don't worry you'll find a guy that will respect you enough to wait until you are ready.
...............................
|
