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Am I too attached to my boyfriend?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2010)
A female Canada age 30-35, *enizli writes:

Hi.

There's something, I don't know if that's a problem but I'm extremely attached to my boyfriend but in a very exaggerated way.

We are together like 12 hr a day everyday, he wants to be with me all the time and I want to be with him too, we text eachother everytime we're not together but I believe this is going too far.

He's afraid of losing me and I'm so scared of losing him that I'm even about to quit a new job I got this summer cause when school starts (in 2 weeks) I might not see him as much, I don't feel bad for doing that because I really love him and I love he loves being with me and I love being with him but I don't know if this is healthy for our relationship, I spent the whole summer with him! that was great and I loved it but I dont know if that's ok.

I love him so much that I could do anything for him and I know he'd do anything for me too. This connection we have is amazing and I wouldn't change it for anything.

I need some help, please please can someone tell me If this is normal and i'm just overreacting or if its something that could damage my relationship

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010):

That's awesome that you two are happy together and want to spend all your time together. But, if not for any other reason, you should really stop spending so much time together because after a while...months, years...you will get so BURNT OUT on each other from constantly being together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!! :)

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A female reader, Denizli Canada +, writes (5 August 2010):

Denizli is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Denizli agony auntthank u so much for your help! i think im not quitting then or i'll think it well.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (5 August 2010):

chigirl agony auntYou are newly in love and want to spend every breathing moment with each other. This is very normal. But see the larger picture, do not quit your job to be with him. You got the job because you need the money. Unless your boyfriend pays you to be with him, don't quit the job. Other than that, feel free to cling to each other as much as you please.

Just remember that it wont always be like this, with time you will have to learn how to be separated for longer periods, just so you can each live your own lives and get educations and jobs. If you are constantly together it can smother the relationship and become boring. But as long as both of you are happy being together so much, it is fine. Its just that when the time comes that you feel the need for some more personal space, you need to accept that. I mean if he wants more space later on you need to accept that, and he needs to accept it if you feel you want more space. But until you feel the need to have alone time, being together this much is fine.

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A female reader, GettingInYourBizness United States +, writes (5 August 2010):

GettingInYourBizness agony auntSome couples both people are clingy, some couples have a more independent person in them paired with a clingier one, and some have both pretty independent people.

What I mean by independent is just the able to be away from each other.

If it works for you guys, do it.

However, it's a bit of a red flag that you're quitting your job. What happens when school starts and you have different schedules? What happens when you go to college and you go to separate schools or have different schedules? What happens when you graduate and both need full time jobs but work on different days?

The point I'm saying, being together is one thing, but stopping your life is another. Couples should want the best things for each other, and life, working, is one of those things. I hope he convinces you to keep your job.

You're still young too, I'll tell you what your parents probably told you already--your future is more important than any man @ this point in your life. Don't ever forget that.

I know quite a few chicks that were friends of mine and due to relationships, never went to college, etc - years later they are stuck in relationships they can't get out of due to putting their life on hold and not able to support themselves now. It's one of their biggest regrets was putting that guy as top priority when they were younger versus their own lives.

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A female reader, Romani United States +, writes (5 August 2010):

Don't quit your job- you shouldn't lose your self as your own person when you are in a relationship. You should discuss about Establishing alone time/ time apart from your partner. this could be girls night or maybe just "me" time for yourself. Individual time apart is healthy and gives you both time for reflection. I'm sure your well Aware that spending all that time toghether is unhealthy and can compromise your relationship. If you love eachother that's great! Learn how to keep the flame burning by still being alluring to eachother . Good luck!

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