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age
26-29,
writes: I dont really trust my family. Its not that I dont love them, because I do. I have two older sisters [17 and 22, im 13]. My mother is in her mid forties, my father is in his early fifties. When I was about six my mother called a family meeting, these are never good for my family because in these meetings its always something negative, this is what they ususally consist of 1.] Somebody died 2.] Somebody is leaving or sometimes it be a warning that one of these is about to happen. Anyway we all sat in the living room waiting. I dont really remember what was said but it ended with my father walking out the door and driving away. I remember all of us just sitting there, not talking, I was crying. Before they started fighting, every Sunday we would all go to church, we had dinner together every night. Eventually this stopped.After that they were always fighting. Cussing, yelling, just fighting [but it was never physical]. We lived in a house w/ three rooms and 2 bathrooms in a small redneck town. Our neighbors were alcoholics and drugatics. My family wasnt the only one fighting, you usually heard everyone elses problems as well considering they would yell it out to the world. My father worked at a car dealership, my mother in a gas station. My oldest sister was usually the one to take care of me and our other sister. Whenever my mother got home from work she would always complain about the house being dirty, and we would fight about that too. One of my most vivid memories from when they were fighting was when I was in my parents room one time looking around like kids do, I came across a book. It was titled "How To Get Rid Of Him" a book about divorce. My stomach clenched when I saw it, I was so upset. After my father left he moved about 45min away from us into a trailerpark. Me and my sisters would sometimes go up and visit him on weekends. On one of these weekends He took us to see a movie. It was called Paparazzi it was rated R, I was probably about 7. We had to go out of the the theater sometime later because I was scared and wanted to go home. So he drove us 45min back home, it was late at night. Needless to say my mother was mad.After that happened I became paranoid. Whenever we watched TV I would ask what the show was rated, whenever I did something even something that wouldnt even get a sensitive person upset I apologized. After awhile my family would tell me to stop it. My father came by one night to see us and he came in my room and said hi. For some reason I was scared of my father. He never did anything horrible to me though so I dont why.When I was 8 I was told that we had to move. Turns out the house was in my fathers name and he decided he wanted to sell it, therefore meaning "get out". I didnt miss that house.We moved into our grandmothers house it had 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. My uncle always stayed in his room hes never really lived on his own[he is now 49]. I shared a room with my grandma and mother and bed with my mom[there was nowhere to sleep].We lived there for 3 yrs.Last year we moved into an apartment. My sister moved across the country to live her boyfriend. My other sister shares a roomm w/ my mom because she says she cant stand to be around me. So im ususally alone all the time.To get to the main part of my story. Whenever I have a problem I cant tell my family whether it has to do with adoloscense or a math problem. My father is remarried and we dont see him anymore. My sister has made it clear she doesnt care, and my mother doesnt like to talk about it. I think its sad because Im starting to believe i trust the people on this site more than I do my own blood. I think the divorce changed me a lot. As I said they were fighting, my sisters and I fought, mom would complain about her having to clean up after everyone. Now I clean my room and bathroom every other day, I dont talk to anyone, not even friends cause I dont have any. My sister still fights with me on a regular basis. My mom still has to clean up after us. My family doesnt talk and when we do it ususally consists of questions you might ask a neighbor, " Hows it going?", "How are you?" I have read other stories on here about the wives and mothers going through or have been through a divorce. But do they ever think about how their children feel? Everyone takes a sistuation differntly, it may affect them right then or years later. I have learned a lot from my parents getting divorced, I dont really know what it is yet but when I do Im sure it will be for the better. Sorry it was so long.
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alcoholic, divorce, grandmother, moved in Reply to this Article
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Stuff, thanks Sis, I missed that one, and I'm always the one crazy about young people and online safety...
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 August 2010):
Hey Q, she's my favourite too... you've become very popular young lady, everyone is talking about how smart you and nice you are.
Anyway, divorce.. sorry, bad stuff happens. The problem is, everyone is so busy fighting, so busy worrying about their own pain, they kind of forgot about you. It's just that your so good, so helpfull, so clever and so very, very strong. This is wrong, your parents need to remember that you are young, you get things a little wrong, and some things don't make sense.
I know what you mean about the "R" rated films. Something bad happened, and now you think the film is the problem and you get frightened by it. That's what kids do. Something goes wrong, and they get confused and blame the wrong thing.
Now you know your parents were not happy. Yes you live in bad places sometimes, but your strong, you can cope. It's not where you live that's the problem. It's the fact that your parents have made you too scared to talk.
This also happens when adults get divorced. Kids blame themselves and think they did something wrong. So you try to be very, very, good. You try not to make up any noise. You think that if you make up noise or try to talk, maybe your mother might disappear. That's how young brains work. It's a way for you to try to understand your world.
My parents divorced. I was so bloody glad. That means they stopped shouting and I could get some sleep at last. However, I am very close to both my mum and dad, and got to spend lots of time with them both, especially since dad moved just down the road. They lived on the same street for years... good for me, but bad for them.
Can you write your mother a note. Maybe get a card and explain to her how lonely you feel and how you find it hard to talk about your problems. Mum's who divorce get so busy just trying to get you food and to stop crying because they are all alone. It's so hard for them to remember that you are having problems too. A nice little note, maybe get her some flower as well. You can thank her for looking after you, but explain that now your getting older, you need help and advice from her. Tell her you would like to become closer, to become more like friends. If you do that, I think she will hear you, and it might open the door to you both making a better relationship.
As I said kid, your doing so well, please feel proud of yourself. And yes, things will get clearer as you get older. If your mother doesn't look after you a bit better, she will suffer when you become as old as your sister, because you will move away and you won't have many reasons to visit her.
So sorry, but life is tough sometimes.
PS: What's the issue about you getting friends. Your easy to like, you got so many people who like you here. You must try harder to get some friends who are your age so you can go out and laugh more.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Parents often lose site of their children in divorce. Mine got divorced when I was 22, 23 years of marriage down the drain..I didn't know it any other way. My mother had an affair. I had to move back home because the economy was dipping, I didn't want to go. Felt sorry for my brother who was living at home the whole time experiencing the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.They were still living together after it happened my dad claimed he was going to move out after my brother graduated in 07 turns out finally this year he's moving out. He thought that he and my mom could get back together but she started seeing someone else, I found out from someone else I suspected her of doing such and when I asked her she lied. It was like history repeating itself...she's a grown divorced woman but she could've at least waited till my dad moved out. So, now I've got to evenly divide up my time between 3 houses my, husband's parents, my mom's, and my dad's. I know your pain to an extent on coming from a broken home. Never thought I would've fallen into that statistic.
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female
reader, co-co-connie +, writes (22 August 2010):
i'm so sorry. i posted a question about divorce called my sister is so sad.
firstly you need them to see your hurting. you could get someone at school to phone, or at least tell someone at school.
you should then make a diary entry and leave it around it really works.
phone your sister and DEMAND she comes over to talk to your family.
this can't go on.
send me a message if you want to
hope i helped
co-co-connie
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. I really appreciate everybodys answers. :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): my mom cheated on my dad for years...she even involved me in it...and then soon after my sisters. im 16 now and my parents JUST split up almost a year ago. theyre still not divorced but needless to say my dad moved me and my sisters in with his new gf and we live with her and her 2 kids. my mother cant contact us because she was doing a lot of stupid stuff other than the cheating...my 14 year old sister suffered the worst from my mother & she rarely speaks to me even though i desperately want to be close... why cant ur sister stand you? and if you want a friend you can respond on here and ill give u a way to get in touch. maybe thru facebook or email. i know ur pain and im sorry that u have to deal with this at such a young age...just know it isnt anything uve done wrong. this is all ur parent's fault.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (11 August 2010):
Hi there. I'm sorry it seems so lonely for you.
Your older sisters are at different life stages than you, which might explain why they appear not to understand what you are feeling about everything.
Divorces are very disruptive in families and probably the hardest of all for the children, as they may not always know what caused the family breakup in the first place. You can rest assured you or your sisters are not to blame.
Parents who argue regularly, can make for a pretty tense atmosphere. The good part at least, is you don't mention any form of physical abuse in your parents' relationship.
The ages you say they are now (or then), it does sound like a mid-life crisis situation. That's where you get to about late 30's to mid 40's and more, and one day you start to think about your life and missed opportunities and what could have been. It can be a sense of loss, a feeling of sadness even. But it doesn't have to be that way at all. However, once the feeling takes hold it's there all the time at some level.
People don't get this sort of feeling when the kids are young, as all your time is taken up running around after them, and later on taking them to sports etc. Plus paying off a mortage. And because you're still young, there's no sense of time going by too quickly. But as the years go by, we all get a sense of our own mortality and how much more time do I have to follow my dreams. The worst part, is often people just give up and say - "It's too late", "I'm too old" - all those familiar excuses.
When all this happens, a couple seems to take this frustration of lost opportunities out on each other. Just bickering and criticising each other, because they feel disappointed in their own life. By the time you get to around 50 years old, often most of the kids are grown up or out of the house altogether. So the problem becomes a focus.
The mid-life crisis for your parents happened a bit before that, but it's still the same problem. It comes down to finding time for yourself within a relationship. The needs of both partners individually, has to be met regularly or trouble is abrewing. With unfulfilled needs continuing, it often spells the beginning of the end. This has probably been exactly what has happened starting from the birth of their first baby. The lack of time issue, would have mainly been with your mother and escalated over time from there.
The mid-life crisis can occur at different ages. It's very individual. So it's not about you or your sisters - it's about them. It's yet another of Life's precious lessons. Life can't be all work and no play. There has to be some fun and frivolity. There has to be a sense of purpose. If the soul is not nourished on a regular basis it will give up and die. Not die literally of course - in a spiritual sense only. What will happen will be, a lot of unhappiness, disillusionment, frustration. Ultimately it affects all our relationships while ever it goes unresolved. That's what happened with your parents. In fact it would affect every area of your life continually. It affects everything you do in some way.
I hope sincerely, that I have helped you. Best Wishes.
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reader, Dez +, writes (6 August 2010):
#1) YOU are not responsible for how someone else lives their life ( how they feel etc) UNLESS you are DIRECTLY doing something to make them "feel" that way!
#2) The ONLY thing you have control over is YOUR reactions and the way YOU react to things!!!!!!!!!
When YOU have a need to say how you feel and no one listens, it is not WHO or WHAT you are! It has to do with who and what THEY are. No need for you to feel bad in any way! ( perhaps FOR them), never about yourself!
Most of life lessons do not say something to you until later in life. *( More lessons/classes in life!, results to be revealed later!! :)~) The important thing to remember is to apply the lessons you have learned and live YOUR life accordingly!
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