A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can the guilt of lying actually get worse with time?I'm trying to convince a friend that lying to his partner about something he knows (or he strongly believes) would make her reconsider wanting to be with him, will only get more difficult for him with time. To me it sounds like a prison sentence to live in a relationship, thinking that there is one simple truth that might potentially destroy the relationship...and the longer the lies go on, the harder it will be to repair the damage (i.e., knowing someone made a mistake, is forgivable; but knowing someone went on for years lying about it, and being able to lie about it, is not so forgivable in my book.) Does anyone agree with me, that harboring a lie from one's partner for so long will only lead to misery and increased guilt and the need to build up unhealthy defenses to cope with the guilt? If someone feels that their relationship could be destroyed in the blink of an eye, if they shared a secret about themselves, wont that become quite oppressive with time, and won't that make it virtually impossible for the liar to ever really feel good about himself. Especially, when he thinks that the person that loves him the most, wouldn't love him so much if she knew one simple truth about him? I know that telling the truth is not always easy, but living with a lie like this, sounds unbearable...Especially if you are a good person...not so unbearable if you are not a good person! Does anyone agree with me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Yes, very, very, very destructive.
Read some of the other postings from prior questions like this, just keep going back, and you will find lots of feedback on this issue.
It's the people who are "good people" who try to do this, that suffer terribly, it destroys their self esteem, it destroys their intimacy, and they live a lie.
Better a truth that hurts, then a life unencumbered, than a lie that feels better but burdens you with more lies than you can imagine.
A
female
reader, goodgirl2008 +, writes (17 November 2010):
Yes he should tell. It is a large burden to carry and even a bigger dagger when you are the one that finds out the truth. The longer he waits the worse it gets.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Yes i agree, if he thinks that he is with the women that he will be with for the rest of his life then he needs to come clean to her as it will just niggle at him for the rest of his life and he will never be able to escape it, your advice to him is spot on but i guess you cant make him see that, and he will need to live with his mistake forever if he doesnt own up.
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