A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, I hate myself right now. my ex was manipulative and lied and was insensitive and we broke up and now i look at her facebook page and see she is having fun, traveling with some new guy in Florida. and i cannot help but wish her BAD. i am jealous because i am stuck here nursing the wounds and it didnt mean NOTHING to her. i wish her bad in her career, i hope her relationships blow up, and i hope she gets acne so her pretty face dont look so pretty no more.do i need to get checked into a mental place or am i just an evil guy? maybe this shows i am unfit for human society. thoughts?thanks.
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acne, broke up, facebook, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Just remember that everything happens for a reason. The person may seem happy and doing great and end up miserable with whomever she is out with. If someone was truly evil to you then they will get it back eventually. I've had exes that I wasn't over, checked their page on fb, all that crap. It looked like he was having a great time, already messaging girls, nice pictures up, fun status messages. It was all fake. He was single, trying desperately to be in a relationship, and wasn't happy at all. Sometimes it takes awhile to catch up with the person, sometimes it's quick, but if you are a bad person you don't end up happy. It should give you enough solace. Now stop reading her page, get off fb altogether if you have to, I did. And concentrate on yourself. Keep your mind off her. Just remember pictures tell you nothing and you have no idea what's really going on. And you aren't sick, just hurt and pissed. Good luck.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 how long you been split up? it is not nice to be treated bad, dumped and replaced so you are bound to feel angry at her. when you start to get your life back on track and maybe find someone else your bad feelings towards your ex will end and you won't even think about her anymore. its ok to think bad stuff, as long as you never act on it and harm her.
stop snooping on her facebook coz this is only hurting you. promise yourself that you will NEVER look at it again. i think social network sites are a problem for couples that break up coz it is too easy to log onto that site and peek into your exes life, and this is like picking at a scab - stops it from healing. so please resist that temptation! and don't forget - the happy photos are what you see on the outside, you do not know what her new relationship is REALLY like.
get on with your life, with your friends, plan things with them that you will look forward to and places to go. look after yourself physically and this will help you mentally - eat properly, drink plenty of water and get enough exercise and time outdoors.
you are not sick or evil at all, if you were, you would not be here showing concern about your negativity towards her. you will get over this, and it will take as long as it takes, don't be impatient with yourself
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): ok, its me again. i lost the code to prove it'e me, the OP, but its me.thanks for your answers. you are right, i am only hurting myself. but how can i forgive someone who does not ask for forgiveness?how can i forgive someone who lied to my face, used me, said things she didnt mean, and obviously i mean nothing to her.i want to forgive, but how when the person doesnt do anything to say sorry?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (22 June 2011):
 You may not be nuts, but you DO have a lot of unresolved hurt and anger. Wishing her wrong will only keep you stuck and nipping at your wounds; not allowing them to HEAL.
Get therapy if you need to grieve the loss of the relationship. The only way to let go of the hurt, is to forgive her whether she deserves it or not. Forgiving is a gift of FREEDOM you give yourself.
I was married in an 18 yr marriage that ended cruelly. I still have to see him due to our kids. I finally do NOT hate him. It just is not worth the draining energy to keep thinking about all the wrong he did me. It took time to grieve the loss, with therapy and time, etc. There are still times it stings, but I let it go fairly quickly.
Keep in mind that hating someone will never do YOU any good. It will keep you stuck and prevent you from loving and being loved again.
As hard as it is, try to forgive her by making a simple statement to her from afar..just in your mind. One that worked for me is "I no longer give you persmission to hurt me. I am choosing peace. I am letting go of all this pain."
Find what works best for you. I KNOW this is hard.
I feel in love with someone a few years ago that I thought was my perfect match. It ended very quickly and caught be offguard and wounded me very deeply for a long time. It turns out he met someone, fell in love very quickly and married her all within a year. When I found that out, it started rubbing on the sore spots still in my heart. So, I stopped LOOKING at his blogs, facebook, IM's etc about how wonderful his life is. While I am not happy that he did not choose me, he found what was best for HIM. I cared for him enough to be happy, even if it was not with me.
When I saw WHO he picked. I at least find comfort that he picked someone who is really good to him and FOR him. If it can not be me, I am glad it is her. SO, if I feel a little sad, I say out loud to him "You have chosen well. I wish you well."
Making those kind of statements help change your THINKING. If you do not believe that at first, thats fine. Say them over and over, for DAYS, until you can at least say what WORKS to help you let go and believe in you. This is not the last person you will ever be with or love again. But, until you heal, you can not move on TOWARDS the person that is waiting in the future.
Best Wishes in your healing.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (22 June 2011):
Firstly delete her off your fb if it's upsetting you to look at her profile!It's normal to be upset if you've split up with someone yes, maybe a bit angry (if she cheated or something) for a while. How recent it was/how long you were together/how long she took to meet someone else are factors too. A whole cycle of emotions before you get to acceptance!However, these feeling will only hurt YOU (not her) so are a waste of time/energy on your part. If you try and put yourself in her shoes AND IF for example, she just fell out of love with you, she can't help that can she? If she was manipulative/lied/and insensitive as you say, maybe you should thank your lucky stars you're rid of her? Who wants a partner like that anyway? She's with someone else now, and unfortunately you can't do anything about that. So go and get yourself meeting new women,and find a nice girl who is none of the things you said your ex is, and be happy! It's her loss :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): You're not evil you just have a lot of bitterness and jealousy, which happens to many people. The thing is, even though it's hard, you've got to let it go because the only person you're hurting or are going to hurt is yourself.
Your ex has moved on and is having a good time while you are wallowing away in self pity. Looking are her Facebook page is just going to make you feel more and more depressed and resentful.
You need to stop focusing on what she is up to and concentrate on your own life. She is not your concern anymore. The best revenge is to move on and be happy. Stay off her Facebook page!
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Eh, i think it's only natural to feel that way. We're all only human, and we all have felt like this at some point.
Heck i was head over heels for a girl, and she completely ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I wished SO much ill-will towards her it was crazy, and to be quite honest i felt exactly the same way you did. She was going out on dates, and made it seem like i had meant nothing to her. I wanted to SCREAM! However, i held it all in, i never lashed out.
About a year later i had met another girl.. This girl was taking part in a poetry reading at a local bar and asked me to attend. WELL, wonder of wonders my ex walked into the bar just as my new girl was heading up to read her poem.
I never once allowed myself to look at the ex, but i could FEEL her eyes from across the bar tearing a hole thru me. After my new girl finished her poem, and was getting a nice round of applause, her path back to our table took her RIGHT by the ex. It took all my willpower to keep my eyes on the new girl, and i flashed a big smile and applauded her.
The ex jumped up, and tore out of the bar.
Later that night when we went back to my car my new girl noticed a HUGE scratch across the door of my trunk.
I should have been angry, but gosh-darn if that scratch didn't make me the happiest man on the planet. I KNEW the ex regretted losing me. It felt good. I felt completely vindicated, ya know?
All i can tell you, man, is that even though it looks like she's not hurting and you meant nothing, deep down inside there probably IS some regret and some sadness. If not now, then at some point there probably will be.
If you were good to her and treated her right, at some point
she will shed tears over what she lost in you.
Just keep on living your life, keep yourself busy. The hurt and anger will dissipate. You'll meet a girl who will value you what bring to the table. And she won't ever let you go, and you'll be all the better for it.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (22 June 2011):
 You are not evil or sick as your reaction is human. However that being said it is not ok or healthy. What you need to do now is get over her. Stop looking at her facebook page and block her. Move on with your life. Find your own peace and be happy. She is not worth your energy or thoughts.
Good Luck!
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