A
female
age
41-50,
*ummykub
writes:Dear aunts,I am 30 years old and have no children. My boyfriend is in his 40s, has 2 kids and has had a vasectomy. Whilst I don't particularly want kids, am I mad to give up the chance of having a kid in the future by staying with him? You never know, I might change my mind. But on the other hand, I love my bf very much and can't bare the thought of not being with him. The other thing is he is 14 years old than me, and so I have the prospect of spending later life alone if I have no kids. I suspect I am thinking too much about this, and should just enjoy today! Reply to this Question
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reader, michelleAKAmandi  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 You're very welcome, I'm glad we could help out some. It seems you have given it some thought and realize the different options so I think you should be just fine. You know all of the Aunt's are here if you need help again later.Again, good luck sweetie!!Michelle
A
female
reader, rummykub +, writes (27 September 2008):
rummykub is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for all of your wonderful advice. I really appreciate it. I will think a lot more on this - as you say, it is important. We have spoken about this, but as in 'are you ok with the fact that I cannot have kids?', to which I answered 'yes'. And I haven't pushed the subject, as I don't think I want kids, so isn't a massive issue. I suspect that even if he could be persuaded, by the time I am ready, he would be touching 50 and feel too old to have another child (he had his vasectomy at 30 specifially because he didn't think he would want any more). This sounds so morbid, but at 14 years older, and a drinker and smoker, I am afraid that he will die long before me, and I'll be alone for the last 20 years of my life (I have neices and a nephew,brothers - we get on well but I am v independent and only seeing them every few months).Anyway, I have a kind of 2 year plan in mind, when I figure I'll still be young enough to start again and have a kid if all goes wrong with my fella (despite his declarations, I am not 100% sure of his staying power anyway, he has a chequered history!!).Thanks again all, I really appreciate it.rkxxx
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (27 September 2008):
Hey there Rummykub,
Think long and hard about this. Being a mother to your own flesh and blood is something that you should definitely do if you wish to do so. I don't want you to push these thoughts out of your head because it could cause you such grief and resentment later. It is wonderful that you are in love and if you "KNOW" without a doubt that you will be ok with the fact of not mothering your own children, then by all means, stay in your relationship without another thought. However; if there is any inkling of a thought that tells you that you will not be ok, then you should discuss this with your boyfriend and ask him if he would consider assisted pregnancy. This should help you make up your mind as to what path you should take.
I so wish you luck with this Rummykub. It is a very important issue. Please keep us informed.
Michelle
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 I think that you are wise to think on it and reflect exactly what it is you want out of life. You are the one making choices here. Your boyfriend already has children and may possibly not want more. I think that letting this "choice" be made by simply living day-to-day and loving him might not be the wisest thing to do. You need to ask yourself how you feel about a life without children. This is YOUR decision, not something that you should simply push aside and leave to fate. You may eventually wind up regretting it and resenting your boyfriend, which is that little bit of doubt that has already reared it's ugly head. I think that these are the feelings that you are repressing and need to explore a bit further in order to actually CHOOSE what it is that your heart really wants to do, vis-a-vis having a child of your own. Frankly, the experience of having children is one that I would recommend not missing out on. It was the single biggest aspect of my life. I define myself as my children's mother, even though there are many other things that I am. I hope that you will give this decision some serious further thought before you dismiss the possibility. XXX
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Live day by day... and... look for information, there are ways in which you could get pregnant even if he had a vasectomy (assisted pregnancy). This, of course, depends on him also wanting children.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Miss-Morphine +, writes (26 September 2008):
 if you love him, then stay with him,
you shouldnt leave him because you could loose your chance of having kids.
you should enjoy today, and stay with your boyfriend if you love him
and if you want kids badly and still want to have kids,
there are other ways, such as adoption.
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