A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: So I am dating this woman(23) who has never been with a girl before let alone in any kind of long-term relationship..i am 9 years her senior and have been in several relationships, so knowing everything she is thinking about i am being uuuuber considerate and respectful of space and boundaries and especially not saying or doing too much...almost to a fault i think since it took us 4 months before we had sex and before i saw her naked! I can tell at this point that she really likes me cause she calls and texts everyday and physically gives me cues i/e handholding, kissing, cuddling, being sexual in nature with me...however, she keeps all of her emotions and concerns to herself...we have been dating for almost 5 months, just taking things casually and slow since i also live an hour and a half away, so primarily we are a weekend duo. We have yet to talk about what we are doing, where things are going, or anything...she has told me that she views emotions from a far, has difficulty saying i love you to her mom let alone other people, and she keeps all of her worries and all other emotions to herself, preferring not to talk about them with others...including sex stuff too i:e what she likes/dislikes/wants so i am left to explore or think about things on my own without any help. I have definetly fallen for her, and would love to tell her, but I also don't know what is too much..i have tried to encourage in a humerous and casual way her to tell me what she thinks about me or what she likes in bed and after much work i can get a couple of short answers but nothing in depth or insightful...she says she can handle anything when asked if my previous actions or words were too much, and when i have broached the topic of our lack of communicating she pointed out that i am just as aloof as her...which is true. I am keeping myself from completely opening up to her cause i don't know what she is thinking, and a part of me is afraid i will scare her away if i do tell her that i have fallen in love with her, yadayadayada. Some people say just ride the love wave and allow time to encourage her to open up more. Some people say just tell her how you feel. I know she will follow suit to whatever i do, she definetly is the type of person that prefers to do something after someone else has initiated the event, and i am not normally like that.....all the other girls i have been with have been very verbal and specific about their wants and needs in both the bedroom and the relationship..but whenever i bring up personal stuff she gets all wishy washy in a embarrased kind of way-even though she says she isn't embarrassed-and i don't feel she is dodging the question, it feels more like she needs to ponder and get back to me, but she never gets back to me...and i know she isn't used to talking to people at all about anything! Suggestions? Should i chill and wait? Should i just go all out? Has anyone had a good experience with a younger still coming out to herself and others lesbian? Help!
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female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (27 September 2008):
 She sounds a lot like me. I would say your openness might help her own. It might be easier for her to be physical with you rather then emotional. Some people are just really good at holding there emotions and concerns inside and they get embarrassed letting someone in. I’m not sure if that is the case but support and patients could not hurt and to push might push her away. It will probably just take some time, you just need to decide if you want to invest that time into her. Push her when you can and be there when you can’t. What more can you do? There is no formula to love, there is no book, love comes from you and it is putting yourself out there in hopes of her in return. You sound like a really great girlfriend, and I think your doing just fine. Believe in yourself and believe in her.
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (27 September 2008):
 Hey there...
I would suggest not going all out, however; spill a little of how you feel for her. You don't have to out and out say, "I love you"... merely tell her that you care about her a great deal and that your feelings are growing stronger. Honestly, if it scares her completely away, she's not meant for you to begin with and you don't want to waste any time on someone that is not going to be able to give you love in return. Waste is a harsh word, but if she runs then obviously THE ONE for you is still out there and you need not waste time where you're at.
I almost, in her defense, see me ~years ago~ in everything you are saying about her. I didn't open up to someone until I KNEW there was something coming from the other side. So maybe she does need something to follow. I remember when my 1st serious girlfriend would ask me certain questions I would pause before answering or say I don't know. It was merely because I wasn't sure of what she felt. So let some of what you feel out and see where she goes with it.
If you let it out and she seems to shy away, you really should let her know that you would like to know where you stand with her because your feelings are hanging in the balance and you need to know if you should back off, for your sake. You have to be fair to yourself, even while respecting her.
In my opinion, bi curious girls are dangerous. They are not 110% sure that they are bi and they just want to play around with it. Some try it because it's not "normal" as some people say. WTF is normal these days? LOL I love being abnormal myself. Anyway... just be careful not to get your heart broken in the case of bi curious and playing because it's different and fun. I'm sure I've told you of a lot that you are already aware of, but if you're like me, sometimes seeing it in writing from someone else's point of view, makes it a bit more obvious.
Keep me updated and I wish you the best of luck...
Michelle
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