A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Both me and the man in question look in our thirties/ years younger (not being vain,it is just what people say) and believe me there have been so many fireworks going on between us. but we are both very professional about our roles etc. I just want people's opinion on whether he might still like me or is he just trying to cool things off...normally if a guy didn't call me, I would just assume he wasn't interested. But I think the situation is very different in this case. I am going to wait in any case, to see what happens, but I wonder if people think he suddenly realised that if he pursued things it would compromise his and my position and reputation, so he has cooled off until I finish studying? Or am I just hoping for too much? If he still likes me should I at least give him some indication that I still like him? Here is the original question:I am a mature student and my personal tutor is 5 years older than me. I have one more year of study remaining. For the last four years, I really felt sure that this man liked me A LOT, but believed he was married and so I never flirted openly with him and vice versa. A few months ago I officially took time out of college (ie. was not officially a student for several months) and during that time I had to contact him about something. Without in any way encouraging him, he contacted me back, but by phone - usually he would email - and we went out on several 'dates' each of which were supposedly to discuss my studies, but which he initiated and prolonged.In between times, he would phone or text me much more than ever before and I honestly felt that he was really flirting with me on these 'dates', but still remaining highly respectful and so on - he would kiss me hello and goodbye on the cheeck, for example, which he would never do in the capacity of tutor. It was almost impossible for me to flirt with him as I usually would with a man, because I had no idea what his situation was re. his wife and spent most of these 'dates' really enjoying myself but also thinking "what is going on?". On the last 'date' he told me that he had been separated for almost 3 years and lived alone all that time, but has shared responsibility for his daughter. After that, I had to return officially to college, but I was not expecting to see him much at all as a student. Just before I returned, I texted him saying that I would like to see him and he called me a few days later, saying that he wanted to meet but he was busy and could either meet me then or we could wait until he had more time. He never called, and since then I have seen him (in group situations) and have just behaved professionally. I have only had one personal meeting with him, which he again prolongued and in which he was very warm and friendly towards me and also seemed increasingly relaxed ( I called this meeting to an end as it was getting late) - but I am not sure if he was flirting or not, or just being careful not to cross boundaries whilst still showing that he really likes me. What should I do? He absolutely is not a player - his reputation is that he works extremely hard and it is unusual for him to show an interest in a woman/ that he is a bit of an intellectual 'loner', but highly respected. It is not like we are kids, we are both grown ups, but we obviously can't do anything whilst I am a student even if we wanted to - not only would it go around college like wild fire, I wouldn't want that anyway, I just want to finish my studies first. Do you think he genuinely likes me? Or should I do my best to forget him? I think part of the problem is that, if either of us tries to 'define' what is going on at this stage it might spoil anything happening in future and also just be way too early to say what we want etc. Am I just deluding myself and should I forget him? Or should I hold out hope?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Thank you, everyone, so much for the answers...this really helps me a lot! I will just be friendly but get on with my studies and wait for him to "declare" any interest later on...and if he doesn't, well...it was a really beautiful time anyway. If he does, though...wow, I will be the happiest woman on earth (okay, okay, at least for a while until I find out he has ten babies by ten women and a penchant for eating insects). Thanks guys.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 He's in a position where he cannot show interest in you, but he may have such an interest. Why don't you wait until you've graduated, and see what happens then?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Sounds to me like he's into you. Though I dont think the fact you both look younger is relevant.
If he dated you now it wouldnt compramise him in any way would it, your not 19 and niaive and nor is he.
Maybe he needs a friend, who knows, you can always ask him out on a proper date - nothing heavy, just lunch or whatever. Your mature enough to do this and it would help clarify the situation between you - after all it may be that he doesn't know how to read you and your signals?
Go for it - why wait
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A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I have been in a similar situation a few years back ... the problem with men who have to teach you something - whatever that may be - is that you run the risk of feeling attracted to them due to the power they hold - such a man knows way more than you about a certain theme. My "tutor" was more than 10 years older than me and we spent an amazing summer, but nothing came out of it eventually. I think it depends a lot on both people involved. However, my opinion is you should let him play the music and you do the dancing. In today's society this could sound obsolete, but I think you should set a time for him to state his intentions(and by that, I don't mean telling him about it). Just wait and see if he says openly what he wants. Or, if you're in it just for the fun, have fun, but don't fall in love. I hope it's not too late for that.
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A
female
reader, Mature Lady +, writes (22 July 2011):
You are right in appreciating that it would not be sensible for a relationship to develope whilst this man is your tutor,why don't you continue in your studies treat him in a friendly manner but as your tutor.I feel he has feelings for you but does not wan't to show them too much whilst your his student,I would date other men if you get the chance and see if your feelings stay the same for him,if they do finish your studies,and I think he will feel more relaxed in having a relationship with you when you are not his student.
Good LUCK
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