A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 and in my final year of university. I have been living with the same group of girls since first year, and one of them had a crush on a guy who lived in our halls when she first met him. He didn't return her feelings, which she knew. However, for the last 18 months, she has been going out with a different guy and they both seem very happy. So I was on a night out on Saturday, and I bumped into the guy she had a crush on. I didn't really know him well but we hit it off and spent the whole night talking. At the end of the night he kissed me goodbye and asked for my number, which I gave him. I did consider what my flatmate would think for a minute or two, then dismissed it since she has been going out with her boyfriend for so long. Either way I was going to tell her the following day, but someone beat me to it and she woke me up on Sunday morning to say she is really mad at me. All of my flatmates agree with her and no one is talking to me. What should I do? I feel horrible because there is so much tension, but at the same time I don't really know if I've done anything wrong. What do you think? My parents told me to ignore her as she has no claim on another guy whilst she has a boyfriend, and especially one that she has never even been involved with.I'm thinking of telling this guy that nothing can happen with us, but I will be sad because it's been ages since I've hit it off with someone like this. Am I in the wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Thanks everyone I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. I do feel bad that I didn't tell her first, but I literally got home at 2.30am (after the bar/club in the student union closed) and she woke me up at 8am to tell me she knew! I don't know who told her but I agree they were just trying to cause trouble. I'll maybe give it a couple of days to see if things calm down then try talking to her again. Thanks again :)
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 I think your girlfriend is being petty mostly she's just jealous she fancied him,he dint reciprocate but you have him,its yet to digest..I think its better you stay away from this girl,you don't need all this negativity when you have sucha a special bond with this man,if your not going to focus on your man and worry abt what a girl wo dint even date him thinks your going to lose both!You should just go and tell her 'hey you have that right to feel bad about why I dint tell u first,but you have absolutely no right to be mad at me for that,you have moved on now and I have every right to be with someone I like,so if ur going to limit our friendship to this then so be it,if ever u get over it,we can talk like mature adults if not I wish you all the best' ..good luck and don't do anything stupid and give up on this guy you like for a bunch of immature girls:) good luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 I don’t think you should stop seeing this young man because one of your flatmates who has had a boyfriend for 18 months had or has a crush on him.
You were going to tell her the next day but clearly someone else needed the drama in their lives of telling her first. Her reaction is very telling. I feel really bad for her boyfriend of 18 months that she’s still so hung up on a guy who clearly is not interested in her.
Your flatmates seem to mis-understand girl code…. It’s one thing to go after a friend’s crush when she’s trying to get him, or an ex boyfriend that she has not yet recovered from… but I would NOT end it with this guy to make someone else happy.
You are not wrong to see him
The person who told her was wrong it was not their business
Your flatmates are over reacting in my opinion.
I think if you like him and he likes you then you should see him. If youa rein the final year of uni , then when it’s over your moving anyway right? So tough it out with these girls who are over the top…
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Why are you even considering telling this guy that nothing can happen between you ?! Just because your roommmate had un unrequited crush on him 18 months ago ? ..
That , IMO, would be stretching " girls' code " to a ridicolous extent. Your roommate does not OWN all the guys who are in circulation, she can't call everlasting dibs on every guy she fancies- particularly if the guy never fancied her back. Plus, she has moved on to another guy , and if you really wanted to be a bitch, you could tell her current boyfriend what's going on, maybe he'd be interested in knowing that his gf is taking a little trip down memory lane ?.. But, you are not a bitch, you are a class act, and as such, you'll follow your parents advice, and you'll simply ignore her in ref. to this issue. You won't go out of your way to flaunt your new relationship- and neither to hide it, because you aren't doing anything wrong. If your are firm and consistent, neither gloating nor apologetic, pretty soon all the drama will die down and be quickly forgotten.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 February 2013):
 No you are not in the wrong at all, your flatmates are being very immature and silly. It is a shame that you didnt get to tell her first, perhaps that is the only area where you could be at blame for something, but giving your number to a guy who never liked her 18 months ago is not wrong at all.
Ignore them and dont worry about seeing the guy again, hitting it off with a guy like that is quite rare so I wouldnt pass on the opportunity. If these girls are real friends they will get over it and move on, if they carry on ignoring you well you are better off without a bunch of immature little girls who have nothing better to do than get upset over nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): I can understand your friend. It is normal to feel jealous at a situation like this. For a while. We are humans. But if she is happy with her current boyfriend and a smart girl at the same time, she will change her mind. If she won't, I feel sorry for her boyfriend.
If we are happy in our relationships we want others to be happy, too. Occasional jealousy is natural, long lasting anger isn't.
Talk to her. Maybe wait a bit for that the air is not so hot as it is now.
good luck
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