A
female
age
51-59,
*dge4323
writes:modnote: earlier question -posted August 13 2012http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-just-learned-my-husband-fathered-another.htmlFurther to my question dated 13/8/2012, the tests reveal it is his child. This woman made my life a living hell the past couple of months even claiming she was dying and have cancer, which turn out to be not true! She phoned and texted me about how good a lover her mother was and that her mother could have my husband back in bed if he sees her again! He refuses to talk to her and told her.4Her mother decided to raise her on her own, but this child/woman feels that she have 4 kids and that he should "step up" (maybe taking care of her kids now). The problem is, we talked about it, he feels he explained to me what happened,and don't want to talk about it anymore, and suggested I should go see a therapist. I did, and she feels we should talk about it again, I must make notes this time in order for her to see exactly what it is I'm struggling with but my husband said I delve and my questions irritate him. He always avoid talking about his past, but why can't he see its for the good of our marriage, or to help me heal? I hate him sometimes and as long as I avoid the topic, he's happy! He said he don't want a divorce, but I am so hurt by his behavior. when we were married for 5 years he was treated in a clinic for 7 weeks for depression and I stood by him and helped him getting through it, why can't or won't he help me? I feel like moving on but I'm worried about my youngest daughter! She have just started university and struggles being away from home. He will say something and after a day or so, I will ask him is this what you meant by saying this or that? He will get upset and will tell me no, I am twisting his words or he maybe used the wrong words but won't elaborate or explain, just get angry and refuse to even discuss it! He brought this on me and the kids, I didn't ask for it so why make me feel as if I am in the wrong? Sorry for the long letter!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Its normal to feel the way you do. You both are a team, he needs to help you as you did him. He probably doesn't want to talk about it because he knows it hurts you, and he feels guilt. Make sure your not asking the same questions over and over. If its not detailed enough for you try telling him "I need to know so I can understand". And get them all out in one sitting so you can put this behind you and move forward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Men dont like to thrash things out over and over again but I understand as woman we try to undertsand what went wrong.Sounds like you need a break from your marriage before you can move on and heal.
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