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age
41-50,
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writes: I am really confused. I left my husband 3 months ago because he was abusing me...he was hitting me.....anyways right after that i spent a very short time with a loser who only wanted to use me for sex and obviously that didn't work out either.....so now i am really confused...i have considered being a lesbian because of my experiences. I am just disgusted with the male race but i have never actually been with a woman before. i am really lonely and want to share my emotions with someone but i am not ready for a man. Am i doing the wrong thing trying to change sexualities? Is it right to take a woman for a test run because i might actually end up using her? Does this make logical sense?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 I think the right thing for you to do is spend time with yourself and get to know you.
It seems to be that you are using relationships as a means of escapism. I suggest that you focus on your relationship with yourself and figure out what attracted you to unpleasant relationships to begin with.
This has little to do with what gender you date...you will carry your repeating behavior patterns into any relationship you get into, regardless if it is with men or women. I am an advice columnist for a swinger and gay/lesbian/fetish/trans magazine and the issues you cover in your post apply to all gender relationships.
I hope you take the time to heal, and get in touch with your own emotional needs.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
Teaching Emotional Needs for Loving Relationships
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 You are confused and jumping from one relationship to another one isn't going to help. I think you need to just be by yourself for awhile to figure out what it is that you TRULY want. Don't try to categorize yourself at the moment. Its understandable that after being hurt by men that you may be turned off by them. But I'm not sure if becoming a lesbian is the answer. You have to ask yourself if you are truly attracted to women? You just don't suddenly wake up with those feelings! If it makes you feel any better, I had a very intense 8 year relationship end last year with the man I though I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and I'm still really hurting. I find myself not liking men at all, and certainly don't want to go out one, even though at times I am lonely and miss companionship. What your feeling is very normal, I feel. But don't jump into something until you are ready ok? It will just leave you even more confused than you are already. Take it easy, relax, breathe, and take your time. You'll figure it out when you're ready. But keep in mind that a woman can hurt you just as much as a man!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): You only change sexualities if you are attracted to that sex, not all men are bad you just have to open your options a little bit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): @Boredatwork... i do fantasise about them even before my experience but honestly i think i am 20% lesbian and 80% hetersexaul so the odds of a gay relationship surviving are very slim.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Jane1979,The most mature and realistic answer you can get is this right here.Attraction is not only a physical thing, but also a mental thing. I would say what you are doing is NOT wrong. If you actually want to be with a woman, then do it. If you actually want to be with a man, then do it. You deserve better than what you've gotten and I think that if it takes going with a woman to find someone you are satisfied with then do it. If you need to talk about anything, feel free to message me.-IHateWomanBeaters
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 February 2010):
Not all men are bad, but the problem is you see all of us as bad so you're looking for an easier option that starting again and dating. You might end up even more confused about who you are if you try this, and certainly if you only want to take a test run, you might end up hurting another woman. So spend some time just thinking about what you really want, and work through your confusion. Then you'll know what it is you want.
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A
male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Sorry to ansawer with another question.... But you cant just wake up and decide that you want to be a lesbian....
You either are or you are not... Do you find women attractive? Fantasise over them?
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