A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering if I expect too much from my romantic relationships? I realize there are no "perfect" men out there, but it seems like every one of them disappoints me in some very important areas and I'm starting to wonder if I just need to lower my expectations. For instance, my first long-term relationship seemed like it was great. But as time went on, I realized I wasn't sexually attracted to him, although he treated me wonderfully and we got along well there just wasn't any chemistry between us and I couldnt' pretend to enjoy sex when I didn't. The next man I became involved with was great in bed, but he wasn't a bright guy and I got tired of solving all his problems and making decisions for him after he made a mess of things. The next boyfriend was good in bed, had a great head on his shoulders but didn't treat me well and was a horrible control freak. And a few men in between just weren't faithful and trust is a BIG issue for me. So I don't know if I just expect too much out of my relationships or what? I just want to find someone who will allow me to be myself, be calm and not have a bad temper, who can think for himself and knows how to please a woman in bed. I just think it's sad that an intelligent, sweet, caring woman has to give up something to have a stable relationship. What are the sacrifices other women make to be with a guy they love?...
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I can relate to this. I have had a number of relationships, most short and a couple of long ones, which haven't worked out.It is a bit a mine field but I think the key is to know exactly what it is you want and if you cannot find it you need to ask yourself;1) Are you being realistic?2) Or is it simply a case of you simply haven't met the right one?3) Are you looking in the right place? Ok... perhaps looking is the wrong word. I don't go out looking for it but I do put myself in situations/places where I am likely to meet someone.For what it's worth I don't think you're asking too much at all. You just haven't met the right guy yet. There are plenty of decent girls out there (although I have struggled to find any) and likewise plenty of decent guys.You sound like you know what you want which is a good thing. I think some people don't even have that and go based purely on chemistry/physical attractiveness alone, cross their fingers, and hope they're right for them.I stumbled upon these pages when looking for help when I broke up with my EX which I think give some really good advice. Take a look: http://www.therelationshipgym.com/dating_advice.htmIt's an interesting read if nothing else.Best of luck and let us know how you get on!p.s. For the record I don't have anything to do with the above website and am in no way affiliated with it. Just thought it might help you out.
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I have had pretty much the same problem. My first boyfriend was wonderful to talk to but there was no sexual attraction. And it turned out he already had a fiancee. My current boyfriend is a nice guy although he does act pretty immature sometimes. He's a control freak too. I used to have extremely high standards for a boyfriend and then I realized that it's hard enough finding a good man much less prince charming. I still require faithfulness and trust in a relationship. I require love. Laughter and some conversation is also a must.All the other stuff is icing on the cake. Would you rather have the cake or just the icing?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I'm a man, so I'm not the right person to answer this. In this case I'm sort of "the enemy". I have two comments:There is never someone who is always up to our expectations, but that fact doesn't mean you should automatically settle for something that's not really what you want.I have no doubt that you're intelligent, sweet and caring. But, your defining yourself in this light, and the way you define men, suggests -listen to me: SUGGESTS- that you think the other side is always to blame. Only rarely is one side to blame for everything. Relationships are dynamic things: you respond to what the other party does, the other party responds to what you do, et cetera. Tit-for-tat, I guess it's called.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Theres one common factor here YOU. Tolerence is the key.Good Luck
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