A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my partner for 10 years now and we have 2 children together.he was my first love and we got together when i was only 16.things havent always been good but we recently moved house away from friends and family to make a fresh start but it still hasnt really got any better.we have been argueing alot lately but i cannot pin point a real reason for me being angry all the time.recently i met another guy who says he has really fallen for me.ive spent a bit of time with him and think i have feelings for him to.i think about him all of the time and wen we are together its great.(no sex involved by the way! )im not sure if these are real feelings or is it lust.can you fall out of love with someone. i just dont know.do i stay with my partner just to keep my family together or risk giving everything up for this new guy.i know if this was to happen my partner would go mad and at he moment i dont know if i can deal with it.i just feel like completly giving up on everything and disappearing for a while!!!.i cant tell my partner how i really feel cos i know it would tear him apart. please help me. im really confused. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): i have read your question and have a few things to ask youhave written everything in your letter?i can see holes through it. as many peoplle have said,"take off the rose tinted glasses girl this new man wants you for his trophy!!!!!"i have seen so many relationships end through affairs of the heart.you have said you have feelings for this new man but how can you say that when your in a relationship?you are willing to end 10 yrs for a 5 minute fling?do you know anything about this new man?do you think he is good if he wants you while your still with someone?most men will try for women in a relationships as theyre as prey {we know what men are like!}has your partner ever done anything simular to this to you?so you feel the need to do it back ?i can only say one thing and that is GROW UP!your partner of 10 yrs can give you everything you need, if you let them, you just ned to talk/explain what you feel.its worth more to repair than to affair!the new man will always be there for you as he see he has nothing to lose.{because sex may be on the menu!!!}if you give in to him then you will be giving up on yourself and your family.you might find that if this new guy had not turned up you may have been able to talk to your partner but due to this new feeling/lust has warped your feelings.also do you know what is going through your partners head at the moment?if he was to find out he would {like most men } be very upset most proberly be mad like you say and would want to either leave you or try to work it out.what do you expect?also you wrote that you think about the new man all the time, so i take it you have frozen your partner out of any love/sex then, so your partner will already have an idea something is/has happened.do you expect your partner to love you if you dont show your loving side , we all need love.if you feel unloved by your partner tell them but you must let them know what you feel/want.if it comes down to just sex then you just need to experiment with your partner, as you dont say what your love life {sex} is like. try new things, you may find that its what you need more than a new man???you have more to offer your partner than with any new man.all in all you need to make it up to your partner now before you lose everything.if you were to tell him about your affair do you think he would leave you? of course your man will be mad, wouldnt you?but you have to do it soon or there will be no going back because e will nevver trust you again.start showing/telling him you do love and care for him.i guarantee you partner will try harder to make you happy if you speak to him.as within every relationship there are arguments, thats human nature.so go and love you man properly, not by having affairs as this will just burn out your candle for your partner.
A
female
reader, buddys  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 Think long and hard about why you want out of the marriage, what's at stake, and what's to gain. If you absolutely cannot see yourself continuing a loving relationship with your husband, it might be best to part. Don't stay together just for the kids. My parents are divorced, and even though their separation hurt me (at age 10), I would not wish for them to be together today. They are just too different, and much happier apart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Hey, it sounds really confusing! But that's OK because apparently confusion preceeds enlightenment, or so they say. Um, one thing I notcied was that you say there's no sex involved with the other guy, but then you say that you're not sure whether these are real feelings or just lust. So it sounds like sex is involved, even on an unspoken level. Not surprising because if you're arguing a lot with your partner you are probably not exchanging love and tenderness in the bedroom either. And we all really need that (your partner too!) Maybe that's part of what's making you angry?Anyway I would do what you want to do, which is get away from things a while, if at all possible. Maybe not stop everything and disappear but def make space for yourself outside the relationship, even if it's going swimming or walking every day or something. Exercise is good for angry feelings anyway! And then maybe things will start to get a perspective. I'm sure you must be worried about your kids (it's not much fun when parents argue) and any move you make otherwise will have to make sure they have a safe place to land, isn't it? So take it easy and steady and follow your own advice gently, is my advice, and don't get panicked, and do try and talk to your partner about how you're feeling in general (you don't have to be specific about this other guy?) That would be my take on it anyway, for what it's worth, of course apologies if this sounds stupid or wrong and the very best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Youve been arguing alot lately but can't pinpoint why. Come on its not difficult to see its frustration you can't start a sexual relationship with your new guy. It sounds like your already sold on the idea and just want the o.k.Your about to make a big mistake, and the family you need to worry about is your own and not mum and Dad. 10 years and 2 children for a man you don't really know. Wakey wakey have you been watching too much T.V. it rarely works out a happy ending. Regress your thoughts to your childhood and imagine your dad leaving, then having to move house away from your friends, only one to pick up the kids on there sleepovers, but you can't cause your working extra hours.Now the boyfriend wants to move in, but big trouble with ex.Get the picture yet? Take of your rose coloured spectacles off youre being very short sighted. Good luck
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