A
female
age
41-50,
*lutton4Punishment
writes: I asked a question last month about a 38-year-old guy whom I had a great first date with, but he talked (near the end of the date) about a hot 24-year-old who dumped him. Yep, he talked about another chick, on our first date. I'm 35. One week later, in a great, funny followup call that lasted an hour, he mentioned that she texted him. Maybe he just thought it was cool a younger chick was into him; that he's still "got it"? Don't know if they saw each other again, and I don't care. You can date more than one person at a time, right? But then I didn't hear from him again until now, three or four weeks later. He has a very demanding job(s) and a 4-year-old daughter, so he is very busy. But he also has e-mail and a cell phone, so couldn't he have spared five minutes to call me to just say hello? I am incredibly attracted to this man, but I've been through the emotional wringer too many times. Am I just being self-protective and am too willing to jettison what could be an OK guy, or is he really a thoughtless asshole seeking to use me as his Plan B?
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female
reader, Glutton4Punishment +, writes (9 September 2009):
Glutton4Punishment is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your feedback. You made a lot of good points, and have saved me from making a doormat out of myself ... again! I deleted his message and phone number out of my cell phone, and will run the other way if he calls or tries to see me. I know a booty call from a "let's go out on a date and get to know each other better" call now. And, yes, I will go rent "He's Just Not That Into You" to really hammer this lesson home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Mentioning another girl on a date seems classless. And the lack of contact seems odd if he's really into you. I suspect that staying with him buys you a ticket for one more trip through the emotional wringer.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I am not sure that he's a "thoughtless a**hole" but regardless of whether you are plan B... he's just not that into you (see the movie?).
Other than his looks and sense of humor... he doesn't have all the characteristics you seem to want... SENSITIVITY being a biggie. You want someone that is totally into you... who drops you an email to let you know he's still thinking of you, even though he's busy. Texts a quick hello, hope to get together soon.
You are being self-protective and that's great... it sounds like you are starting to listen to yourself, instead of plowing ahead because he MIGHT be okay.
Well MIGHT be isn't good enough is it?
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Hi,
I'm going with "thoughtless asshole". When a guy's really interested he'll call you even if he's under fire from enemy troops. Look after yourself. :)
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