A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I posted on here before and came back to get some more advice. I dumped my GF last year and we were on and off since then. I told her i would consider getting back with her if she lost weight she is a size 14-16 but good looking i must say, I prefer size 12.She lost one and half stones last summer and was almost a 12 again but then the neurologist told her her thinks she has mild MS so she changed her diet to eat olive oil and stuff which is good for her health apparently, so she put some weight back on again. She says i shouldnt be cruel to her when she's ill but i think thats emotional blackmail. The doctor thinks stress might have made her worse and she says she had a lot of stress when going through my divorce with me. When i met her i was getting a divorce from my ex who kept having affairs on me. My ex wife got half my house and pension and im angry about that big time.I just dumped her again recently and she's angry with me because of the way I did it. The reason i dumped her is because i just felt annoyed because things are more on her terms now whereas before i had more control.I couldnt be bothered to go and see her so after i left her place a few weeks ago i just ignored her and hoped she'd get the message. She keeps phoning me and asking why i suddenly ignored her (we were together for 6 yrs). I refuse to meet with her but she wont get the message. How can i get the message across. I told her never to phone me again but she phoned up the other day. She said we should at least meet so we can discuss what happened and part on good terms. Any advice or ideas? She was crying and upset and she has not been well and she told me this but i just think its emotional blackmail. I have the right to decide i want nothing more to do with her dont i?Ive done this a few times then decided to go back to her so maybe shes confused. Should i tell her why i just decided to ignore her? I dont really know why I did it I just got in a bad mood. Anyway she's always there for me so I know she'd take me back if i really wanted but in the meantime, what do i do about this.My ex/GF said it was helping her that we were in touch and spending some time together. Sometimes we'd go for a walk in the park. She cant understand why i suddenly am angry and dont want to talk to her. I got angry because I didnt agree with her method of training her new dog. The dog helps her i must say. She says she is training the dog with good recommended dog trainer.Ive been told Im being a total prick to her?!I dont have any friends to talk to and my sisters pretty much ignore me. I am 50 years old. Cheers
View related questions:
affair, divorce, emotional blackmail, ex-wife, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Don't you realise that she is ILL?
MS KILLS PEOPLE! It's not her fault but being really skinny is no help! You should love her for who she is, not try and squeeze her into your sick skinny model wife. You obviously have no respect for women.
Don't repost this question.
Cc
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (10 April 2009):
 Again get help, it is not uncommon for members of the Armed Forces and Emergency Services to burn out and that sounds exactly what is happening to you.
Having a burnout is not a slight on your character and it has happened to some of my closest friends, the hardest part is admitting you have a problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, KorR?whotochoose  +, writes (10 April 2009):
OMG,
this is horrible...........i would hate to be arrested by you!!!......you keep asking if you are really that bad, as if you think the answer is going to change, it isn't......you should just stop because after everything you say, the opinions just get worse..........seek proffesional help, and leave this poor woman alone.....but do it honorably, at least explain to her that you're an ahole.......if she has admirers let her be with one of them, she is sick and she deserves that........oh and as for the weight thing, you are 50 years old, seriously are you rich???.........otherwise shut your mouth.........sorry, but your post made me so angry
good luck getting over your serious issues,
H
p.s.- why do you think your family has nothing to do with you???.......ponder that.....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): This it the original poster JOhn again. I am feeling a bit bad now. Thanks for your answers. I know ive got slagged off and shot down in flames here. She is a nice person. She wanted some support from me as a friend at least, so she said. Im angry because when i was really nasty to her after I decided to dump her, i sent her a 'nasty' email and one of her friends said she should have sent it to my boss. I know they wouldnt really do that, they just said it to get back at me but it made me angry and i took it as a 'threat' but they said I provoked it with my own behavour. She wanted us to go for counselling and I said I'd go with her and i would annihilate her in that session but she said the sessions are not about winning or losing but to try and resolve problems. My son said i can be a right dickhead at times. Maybe i just need to be on my own. I have a temper problem. I work as a policeman actually and my bosses have noted about my temper in the past. Cheers
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (9 April 2009):
Yes you really are THAT bad! Your family say this, we have all said the same thing. The way you talk suggests that you have some deep seated problems, that we can not help you with here, please admit you have a problem and seek professional help before you actually loose your family through your attitude.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Hi Im John the original poster. yes i did post on here before earlier/yesterdaymy GF said she posted on a site too (not sure if it was this one or another one) and got some support. Her daughter told me i was spineless and I got really angry about that. CLs 1990 yes this is for real. My GFs friends say that I am 'mental' and 'stupid'. I was interested to get opinions outside. Maybe I should go and talk to her then. I do like her and care about her but it REALLY gets on my nerves that she's taking so long to lose the weight. Ive been nice to her lately trying to be supportive but she treats me like a friends with benefits she is different to before. She says she is being cautious and trying to protect herself and look after her health. Also I happen to know she went on a date with another guy after i dumped her, some Italian guy younger than me. She says they are just friends and she hasn't spoken to him for ages. Then another guy asked her out he was younger too and good looking. But she says she still loves me and that I can be loving and faithful (i was faithful to her) and she didn't want to throw away six years. She seems to have a lot of admirers I must say so maybe not all blokes mind about weight. She is pretty though and got a good personality although I told her I think she puts up a front but deep down maybe I know what she is really like. She told me I was acting mental. I told my son not to have anything to do with her because I told him she only stays in touch with him because of me but she was upset and said that is not true. My ex wife said i was ugly, sad, boring and various other things and my son even called me a bully last summer. I think I had a bit of breakdown during the divorce. Am i really that bad? Cheers
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Oh my dear God I was really disgusted when I read your post. What sort of person are you?! You had someone who by all accounts sounds like a nice woman but you have decided that she is not good enough because she has gained weight. She has an illness so do you not think she needs your support. You are 50+ years old? Grow up? You sounds like a terrible person. You should be completely appalled at yourself. I am too speechless to give you any proper advice. I feel sorry for your ex wife and your ex girlfriend. In fact I feel sorry for any woman who has ever had anything to do with you. Do you ever wonder why your ex wife had affairs and your sisters can't be bothered with you. Oh my dear God. You need to get help urgently. I think you might have a borderline personality disorder. Sorry!
...............................
A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (9 April 2009):
 your being rude and selfish. why not trying to be there for her when she was there for you. i dont see anyone liking such a control freak. are you mad??
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Oh my word I could say a lot I really could but what would be the point, you have already been told your a p***k so how constructive is that.
Right first off I will tell you my opinion on this whole situation and I will shoot from the hip OK. You can either take my advice or ignore it, the choice is yours, however, I do feel that as I get positive responses in general I can't be all bad.
You got hurt in your marriage and that is the crux of this whole thing, your ex wife cheated on you and whilst that is hell for the partner who is the innocent party you cannot continue to blame your ex as there are always reasons for affairs, i.e. something was not right in your marriage and you were the second person involved in the marriage. Why after the first affair was there no mention of counselling, did you try it? Some people can talk through their problems whereas others act on theirs and that is what your wife did. I don't say it is right but sometimes people don't seek the alternatives, I should know as I was the innocent party when my ex cheated on me but looking back now I can see where it went wrong and why it went wrong. However, counselling helped me to see that and has not left me bitter and twisted. Unfortunately not the case for you though.
This woman who has been in your life for the last 6 years is a saint in all honesty. She changed her whole appearance and lost a lot of weight for you as you have a fixation about size. That does not make the person who they are inside but a lot of men (not all), can be very superficial. Her health suffered from the weight loss and she has now discovered the fact that she may have MS, instead of knocking her down I would have thought that giving her moral support would help her. Unfortunately though you are not strong enough emotionally to give to anyone in my opinion.
Picking her up and constantly dropping her as and when you feel like it is not the way to treat another human being who sounds like she has given so much of herself to you. She deserves better and to just ignore her is not the way a grown man should behave. Do the DECENT thing for once and at least put your feelings down on paper as it is the least you can do.
I think you need anger management sessions as I think you are still carrying a lot of anger about how your marriage ended and I think you have transferred this anger onto your girlfriend which just isn't fair, let her go and let her know why this time, explain to her that you are screwed up emotionally and you need to get yourself fixed and that could take quite some time, tell her how she deserves better treatment that what you have given to her over the last 6 years as she needs to know that this isn't her fault.
If you don't get help now you will continue to screw up others lives when you get into a relationship with them and that just isn't right, admit you have issues and deal with them once and for all.
Why do you think you don't have friends or family members who are there for you? I would say it is the way in which you treat others or even talk to them, you cannot take, take take and never give anything back.
Try some counselling and then try again to talk things through with your family as they are the ones who know us best and can be a fantastic support network if we allow them to get close. We all need family at some point in our lives and you may even surprise yourself in how much you actually get back if you give a little of yourself in the first place.
Just a suggestion but the person who has to do it is YOU!
BFN
Country Woman
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 April 2009):
 I think what we have here folks is a glutton for punishment. Anybody with me on this one?
...............................
A
female
reader, cls1990 +, writes (9 April 2009):
 is this for real?
...............................
A
female
reader, pistongirl25 +, writes (9 April 2009):
I don't think you should be like regarding her weight. You need to go about it a different way. If maybe you exercised with her she would probably feel better about the situation and it wouldn't said so harshly and it would a win win situation. If it bothers you that much then you shouldn't of been with her in the first place. But you can't be with someone for 6 years and then not talk to them again. That is not fair. You could at least give her pointers on her next relationship if she did things that were wrong. Since she is going through a lot the least you could do is be by her side like a friend should. I know you had a rough time with her but you gotta understand she has feelings too and you need to stop being soo selfish and only thinking about yourself. I see why you are divorced. Anyone would be divorced if they acted like that in my opinion
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (9 April 2009):
You mean this post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/being-too-harsh-on-my-ex-girlfriend.html
You'll see my answer there and it has stayed the same!
...............................
A
female
reader, kissxmexagainx +, writes (9 April 2009):
 you're just going to get the same responses as before.
yes. you are being a shallow prick.
...............................
|
