A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it too soon to get engaged after dating for less than a year.... like 6 or 7 months? I know that she is the one. I feel it with every fiber of my being, and she feels the same way. We have deep conversations about our future together. It would be a long engagement. Not rushing into marriage. Thanks.
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (10 April 2009):
My wife and I were both 22 when we became engaged about 3 months after we first laid eyes on each other. We married one year plus two weeks after that first meeting, and we're still married (to each other!) over 34 years later.
(In all fairness, I must say that we had written to each other - real letters, on real paper - for 3 months before we met. And much of our dating, especially before engagement, occurred while house guests of each others' family. I think both of these factors accelerated the "Do I really know this person?" process. And some older acquaintances, whom we both respected for their wisdom, thought our courtship of just over a year (not counting the 3-letters-a-week time) was a bit on the short side.)
I suggest you read what I wrote in the thread "Should we get engaged?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-get-engaged.html ].
I understand that you don't want to rush into marriage but becoming engaged is a definite commitment to be preparing for marriage. That marriage should be in the forseeable future - probably no more than two years away. If the marriage date is some nebulous "when we're ready", or "when things settle down", event then you're NOT engaged - you're just stalling while you wait for a better offer.
Engaged or not, I disagree with the suggestion that you should be living together. That kind of arrangement leads to thinking in terms of "his" and "hers", rather than a marriage based on "ours". It also reinforces attitudes of transience - "if it doesn't work, I can always get out". That thought by itself is destructive to marriage.
A
female
reader, pistongirl25 +, writes (9 April 2009):
Personally I don't think you really know someone until after a couple years. It depends on the person and the way they feel about you. But I would get some other advice as well. I'm not married so I wouldn't really know. But all the people I know who got married for being in a short relationship before it didn't work. Because when people are married things are very different. I don't know if she lives with you but if she doesn't you might want her to move in first. It might put a marriage into perspective just knowing that she is always going to be around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): I would recommend knowing someone for a year before getting married, but it really depends on how much time you two spend together. If you are around her a lot and really know her well then it will be fine. I would just make sure that you have met her family. You really learn a lot about a person when you see how they act around their family! It sounds like you two have a great relationship so I wouldn't worry to much about it. Also, I would recommend having a short engagement. Nothing longer than six months.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (9 April 2009):
 As long as you have no secrets and you know as much about her as now as you would in 2 years, then no, it's not too soon. Just make sure you two do know what you're getting into with the other.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 If you know she is the one, why do you need to rush into engagement? A long engagement is probably worse than waiting to get engaged then actually planning a wedding.
I don't understand the rush to get engaged if you both know you are right for each other, then having a long engagement, you may as well buy her a friendship bracelet.
Why not wait a while get to the stage where you ACTUALLY know each other or even move in together. Then when you are financially stable and both want to get married then get engaged, plan your wedding and live happily ever after.
Long engagements tend to lead to the same old boring question every time you see family and friends... "have you set a date yet?" or "so when is the big day?" this may not bother you but your fiancée will take this to heart then she will start with the same questions.
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A
female
reader, kissxmexagainx +, writes (9 April 2009):
 no it's not. If you both feel like you belong together forever than go for it! true love is worth it.
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