A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok to cut a long story short my husband cheated on me once before and I forgave him. Its not been easy and I do not want any advice on something I want to forget. I just need to know if I am now paranoid or have the right to be worried.We went for a drink with some friends last weekend and I noticed a girl in there who is known as the local 'bike' i.e. everyone rides her. Everytime we go in she never takes her eyes off my husband and it really annoys me. This time was no different but she was with a large group of friends and it seemed to give her courage. She stared at me and gave me nasty looks. If I went outside for a cigarette, which I only started again when he cheated on me, and she was out there her and her mates would stop talking. At one point one of her mates came out with a bloke, saw me, gestured towards me with her eyes and said shush to him. Later I was dancing and the local ride was talking to another male friend who eyed me up and down, eyed her up and down turned back to me and went 'No way'. In my head it was like he was comparing us and saying I was no competition.Am I just paranoid or would you be suspicious. I dont know if its his past betrayal that is making me this way or if I have a real reason to worry. Or am I just jealous of someone looking at him. He only had a one off with the woman he cheated on me with and we have been together almost ten years with no other real problems. He begged my forgiveness and really seems to love me and regrets it, he told me by the way of his own accord, I didnt even have a clue.Please advise should I ignore this 'bike' or be scared right now???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): It sounds as if your husband is the only bloke she hasn't 'had' so to speak. This shows in their behaviour to you - in other words trying to undermine you so the path is clear for her to get close to him. Seeing people like this won't help you allay your fears and suspiscions. Why don't you change pubs / bars etc and go to new places that you and you man discover just the two of you. Doing these kind of new things, together, will re-inforce what you have got together and will avoid these kind of situations. Without proof you have nothing. Besides if your man makes excuses to not try new things and wants to hang around in these familiar places on the off chance he sees this woman then he will make it clear.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Well, something seems strange. Does your husband go to this place often? Who did he cheat with? Where is she from? Where did they meet?
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A
female
reader, angelrockheart +, writes (31 May 2008):
I know exactly what you are going through at the moment - I have never been able to be the same with my current boyfriend as he cheated on me and I still think he is cheating on me - this is really hard to cope with but if you suspect something do not constantly spy on him - otherwise he will get paranoid- sim ply ask him where he is going or get friends to discreetly follow him if he looks suspicious
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): It is difficult to provide you with true, honest advice because you have set limits on what can or cannot be discussed. i.e. "I do not want any advice on something I want to forget". But this is impossible, you haven't forgotten and that's why you see this girls behaviour as being something to do with your partner rather than simple dislike of you as a person.
You haven't forgotten and you haven't forgiven. If you met this woman before your partner had an affair, would you see things the same way. If you were happily single would you be so bothered if this girl looks at you or not.
She likes your partner. Does he like her? Have you asked him? What if she dose like him, does this get classed as cheating, you gonna throw him away, so she can pick him up.
Someone liking your partner and making eyes at him is not evidence of cheating, it sounds more like a jealous lady after what you've got. Ten years is a lot of history to throw away just because this stupid lady makes you feel uncomfortable. Find out how he feels before you get yourself upset, jealous and worried.
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A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 Hi, Have you ever thought that maybe, this woman is doing this to get under your skin for whatever reason, and if you take her looks and whisperings seriously, you play right into her hands. Ignore all of them, is there not another place you and your husband can go to enjoy yourselves. If so, go there or find another hangout. These appear to be petty people with nothing else to do. There is nothing in your letter to indicate that your husband is interested in her. She may have a fixation on him, but that is not his fault. As long as he is trying to be faithful to you, then try your very best, to be the greatest wife that you can be. Make him know that you love him, and want him to be happy, you are his wife, you have the advantage, there are temptations everywhere, you surely have them as well. Make him anxious to get home to you, increase your sexuality,
he won't have time to think about other women. Make him your mission, he evidently loves you and he should, in turn make you feel like a special lady. Plan some fun things that you both will enjoy, make it fun to be together as it was, when you first discovered each other. Good luck to you, stay in touch.
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (31 May 2008):
I commend u I know first hand how difficult it can be to forgive a cheater...u need to realize you forgave him & chose to stay... u have nothing to be insecure possibly it may have been what u thought but who cares? u have your husband so its pretty clear she's garbage & just a piece of booty...she is the one that is no competition... since u chose to stay u need to learn to trust your husband says a lot tha he admitted what he did and is remorseful...
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